20 month old doesn't sleep

[2007Millie]

Hello!

Looking to see if there is any advice/books/tips etc to get my 20 month old to sleep

I feel like we've tried everything

Very good bedtime routine
Leaving him to send himself to sleep by walking out the room when he is awake but drowsy
Dropped the daytime nap for a few weeks to see if that worked
Well fed etc

FYI Will not let him cry it out/controlled crying etc, just goes against what I believe but I do understand why some parents do this

Thanks

Forgot to say!

Goes to bed between 6:30-7:00pm, will wake up properly between 6:30-7:00am but will wake up at least 7 times a night in between

Same boat, much sympathy.

I've just spoken to dr to refer to paediatrics

That's interesting @Pippinsqueak can I ask what made you take that step to get your child referred. I wasn't overly concerned but thinking should I be?

23 month old here - I feel your pain!

She generally won't go to sleep before 8, she's awake around midnight, sometimes again at 2ish and 4am she'll try and get up for the day - sometimes we can get her back to sleep in our bed but luck is running out on that one.

2007Millie how does baby currently go to sleep at bedtime and how do you settle him back to sleep for night wake ups?

What us you/baby's current sleep set up? Cosleeping or baby in a cot? I assume you are room sharing? You need to be with that many wake ups.

I'm the same (see my thread about my 15 month old). Sometimes things are better, but worse again recently...

You have my total sympathy.

I do worry that she's always been a poor sleeper and is also showing some signs of a bit of developmental delay (started crawling at 12 months and has just started pulling herself up at 15 months).

Any advice on my thread besides comforting her while she screams is appreciated for me too!!!

@FATEdestiny

Room shared up until 13-14 months but own room since then.

Has milk downstairs, go upstairs and read 2 bedtime stories, I then sit at the edge of the bed looking away from him until he goes to sleep. If I leave the room before he is nearly asleep he will cry.

When he wakes in the night I simply say "night time now, head on pillow" and he goes back to sleep straight away

@PhysicsKate

It's nice to know we aren't alone in the odd sleeping.

Rather oddly, my little one is way ahead in development etc and actually seems to thrive on very little sleep. I just can't fathom how he isn't tired

When he wakes in the night I simply say "night time now, head on pillow" and he goes back to sleep straight away

You have good sleep habits attached to going to sleep. When you do this at night wake ups, do you want next to the bed until he's asleep? Or just say it and leave? If you wait until he's asleep- how would he react if you stood by the door while you waited for him to settle, rather than by the bed?

If it's not to do with the way baby goes to sleep - the other reason for unsettled nights is often over tired from not enough daytime sleep. It's more usual that unsettled nights are to do with not enough sleep, rather than too much.

So whats daytime sleep like? Where/how does he sleep?

@2007Millie

I've had 17 months of waking anywhere between 4-10 times every single night, she was breast fed to sleep up to 14 months, and it's about half and half for night time wakes.

I went to the doctors as I have tried everything, and I mean everything with my daughter, she has a solid bed time routine which rarely changes, naps well, eats ok except when teething, super bright and always on the go, I've spent so much money on sleep aids, stuff to make her room comfortable etc, tried gentle CIO didn't work.

The only thing that's left is full on CIO and I'm not keen on that, she fine being put to bed it's the not sleeping through her cycles which is killing me so after seeing so many heath visitors, nursery nurses etc it's now the doctors turn

It may be who she is and how she is, definitely puts me off having another

My DD is 10 now but didn't sleep day or night until she was 14 months and we brought her to a sleep specialist. If you follow the advice it's works. After three nights of the routine it got easier and after seven days she was sleeping. If anybody is interested let me know and I will post the routine. By the way dd is a great sleeper now. She goes to sleep as soon as her head hits the pillow.

I'm VERY interested.

I'm steeling myself for a few even more awful nights than normal to change routine. Scared to, in case things end up even worse than they are now...

Too sleep deprived to come up an actual plan of action how to change things though...

@physicskate. I was the same, didn't know what to do. Basically this is what we did. No sleeping or naps after 4pm, this used to hard as dd would sleep in car if we were out. Dinner was at 5pm which was something heavy on carbs so usually included potatoes. From 5.30pm everything in the house was turned down a notch, no loud music, no loud TV,no cartoons, lowered our voices, it was winter when we did it so dimmed the lights. Basically not a lot of stimulation for baby. 6.30pm was a bath, but again this had to be calm, max 5 minutes and no playing with lots of toys and again keeping our voice low and calm. Our dd would then get her bottle in our arms downstairs. Next was the hard part. Put dd in the cot and stayed in the room for one hour with her. Everytime she got up, we put her back down and said night night... Baby's name... We will play tomorrow. Obviously she screamed and screamed and puked the first night. We were told not to take her out of the cot even if she did puke or had to have a nappy change. Everything had to be done in the cot. After an hour we had to move out of the room, sit outside. We started staying outside for 5 minutes and then back into room for 1 minute to put her back down and say night night we will play tomorrow. Then we went out for 6 minutes, 7 minutes, all the way up to 10 minutes and would start again at 5 minutes. We stayed for 1 minute in the room. Took 3 hours the first night for her to settle, me and hubby took turns. She woke once that night at 4am and we followed the same routine about leaving the room. Second night was 1 hour and third night was 30 mins. We stuck to it religiously and after 7 nights she would go down herself. The odd time she would wake during the night and we would revert to the routine. We put so much work in we were not going to ruin it. I've shared this with many people who it has worked for. The couple of people who didn't stick to it religiously obviously said it didn't work. The first night I wanted to give up and just take her out of the cot but hubby was very supportive and we preserved. So worth it.

@IndieRo

Thanks for your detailed post.

Unfortunately i am very against letting a baby cry, it just goes against what I personally feel is right

@2007Millie, I used to feel that way too and that's why dd didn't sleep or get into a routine. It's controlled crying, not like baby is being left to cry on their own for hours on end. I was so exhausted that I would have tried anything. I also had a two year old. Each to their own I suppose but a few hours of controlled crying is worth it for everybody's health, baby, siblings and parents. As I said dd is the best sleeper now and no lasting damage because she cried for a few hours over a space of 3 days all the whilst having her parents there to comfort and help her go to sleep.

@IndieRo
Yes, I do see why people do it in different circumstances, but I feel that a child should be put in a situation where crying is their only option, let alone where they are then sick.
And I don't wholly believe the 'no lasting damage' part and you don't know- your child isn't an adult or older so you don't actually know, and probably never will, if that option has caused damage

I feel your pain. 18 month old here who hasn't slept through ever. I also can't bring myself to try CIO or controlled crying. Have you tried cosleeping? Mine sleeps a bit better in with me (although she still isn't great).

I think it's normal to not be sleeping through at 20 months, it's just people don't talk about it. He'll get there in the end, just try and stay sane in the meantime. Have naps when he does. Make your partner take him when it's early. Prioritise sleep over everything.

My plan is to wait for my LO to understand money, then pay her to sleep

@2007Millie... OK.... I would take the advice of a specialist personally. As for the lasting damage, that can go both ways, as in the way I chose to help my baby sleep and the way you chose.

@IndieRo

Specialists are totally divided. There is evidence to show and specialists that says controlled crying of any sort does lasting damage and isn't good, so you really can just pick and choose what you want to read.

@bumpyknuckles

We co slept until around 14 months, from which point I could not stand being kicked in the head anymore haha.

I think I'm with you on the bribery. I'm waiting until he can understand sticker charts etc

I set up a floor bed in her room 2 weeks ago (fancy word for mattress on the floor), after a particularly terrible series of nights. I got a double so I could go into her bed rather than her coming into mine. She does seem to be sleeping a bit better.

We're also putting her to bed later - waiting for signs of tiredness. She's not going to sleep until 9, but she does drop off faster now.

To be honest, I think the main issue at the moment is the light nights / mornings, and the change in routine because we're both wfh at the moment.

@bumpyknuckles

Funnily enough, it hadn't even occurred to me that it might be the change in routine but actually the most wakings have coincided with DH being around a lot.

We also have a floor bed! They're great

Some kids sleep, some don't. Our 3 year old is only just not waking as much in the night, I would suggest a much later bedtime though. We do 8pm or later and that's always ensured a much better drowsy situation and she nods off effortlessly now.