11 - 12 week sleep : is this normal?

[rabbit83]

Hi everyone. At about 11 weeks, bit before maybe, my baby has developed a new sleep pattern that's killing me. She's now 12+3 weeks. She'll do about 4 hours when she's first put to sleep (in a snuz in my room but set away from my bed) - then she wakes. I feed her and she'll go back ok-ish but wake an hour later. She's now not hungry and as soon as I pick her up she's asleep, but if I try putting her back down she wakes and fusses. I persevere and eventually she will stay asleep but again only for about an hour and we have to do it all over again. Last night I was so exhausted I let her sleep on me eventually (me awake) and she slept for ages.

It means I'm not getting much sleep at all - with a toddler and no external support due to covid I am desperate!

Also she's very fussy with her hands on her face. Never had that with my little boy?

She is fairly windy (farts) and she'd get upset about it, but that seems to be lessening, especially at night.

I wouldnt describe her as a happy baby. I get smiles from time to time but she doesn't seem happy for much of her awake time. Won't stick with anything and fusses.

Any thoughts on why this has happened with her sleep / what I can try / why she fusses her face / why she might be generally fussy and uphappy.......

Thank you

I'm having a similar problem with my 10 week old. She sleeps fine til about 4am, and then it's pretty much constant grunting and back arching until i give up. I've realised she is still asleep, just very, vey lightly and it happens every 45 minutes or so at the end of a sleep cycle. She raises her legs up, stretches her arms, grunts, little cries then silent for 20 seconds, then repeats until either she eventually does wake herself up, I intervene by picking up or today I noticed if I put gentle pressure on her legs she stops. But as soon as I remove my hand she starts again, unless i keep it there for 10 mins and she goes into a fresh sleep cycle.

Would love to know the answer! I'm thinking digestive discomfort, because usually legs drawn up means they're in pain/uncomfortable? She'll sleep on.me though with no problems!

Sleep changes at around the 12 week /4 months mark. It moves away from newborn passive sleep to become a more active endeavour.

For the period know as 'The Fourth Trimester' sleep for baby is like it was in the womb. That means that as long as all needs are met (food, warmth, comfort) then baby's passive state is asleep. It take a no effort, it's effectively the "default position" to be asleep.

As baby leaves the fourth trimester, sleep becomes more adult like - in that it forms in cycles of light and deep sleep with very brief awake periods between cycles. Also, and this is the ball-ache for parents- the process of getting to sleep is no longer passive. It is an active endeavour - baby, helped by parents, has to work to get to sleep. It no longer 'just happens'.

So, that explained, this is why you are getting changes now. Now is when you have to start establishing ways to get baby to go to sleep. Some methods you use are attachment based, so dependant on an adult. Other methods are more independent, so with a view to baby being able to do it without an adult (eventually).

Well established ways to sooth and settle a baby to sleep:
● Sucking is naturally soothing and calming
• the attachment way to achieve this is feeding to sleep
• the independent way to achieve this is use a dummy
● Movement
• attachment - rocking to sleep, sling naps
• independent - use bouncy chair or pram for naps where possible
● Enclosed, tightly held feeling
• attachment - holding baby to sleep.
• independent - swaddle
● Reassuring presence from parent
• attachment - Cosleeping
• independent - touch reassurance in bedside cot

So - you decide depending on your parenting style how yo best help baby learn to go to sleep. The habits you start now will be long term so while you need to accept that you do need to help baby sleep, also think about the longer term and how/when you will reduce the help you give.

I pick her up she's asleep, but if I try putting her back down she wakes and fusses. I persevere and eventually she will stay asleep but again only for about an hour and we have to do it all over again. Last night I was so exhausted I let her sleep on me eventually (me awake) and she slept for ages.

One of the central pillars to healthy sleep hygiene is that baby must - absolutely must - go to sleep where they stay asleep. So if you pick baby up and they go to sleep in your arms - that's where they need to stay (hence ending up on you in bed). If you want baby to sleep in the cot then you need to do the resetting with baby in the cot, not picked up.

What is to is:
● cosleeper or sidecar cot. Lean into the cot myself
● Dummy in, get baby sucking to sooth
● firm hand on chest for reassurance
● my head close to babies so she can feel and hear my breath on her cheek
● wait for resettle, then extract myself from the sidecar cot back to my bed.

Lots to think about there, thank you. I've heard many times baby needs to fall asleep where they stay asleep, I just don't feel baby will ever do this. She seems very strong willed and sleep is not something she gives into easily. But perhaps I need to summon the strength to try harder...
I do also think there's digestive discomfort playing into this, we used to have constant grunting / back arching in the cot. This has been replaced with more fussing of hands on face but she still is arching and moving her body up the cot. And popping gas. Eventually she reaches the top and then is uncomfortable with that too. So tough not knowing exactly how to help baby!

Does baby have a dummy? It can help with digestive issues as well as sleep issues (and general crying issues).

A dummy's something I've thought about but held back from trying - thought on balance might create a greater problem (falling out in night and her waking / giving it up when older)...

There are million more positives to a dummy than there are negatives.

It is the best and simplest way to get the holy trail of no crying independent sleep.