Dummy hating baby & getting her to sleep. Help please!

[Bol87]

My DD is almost 12 weeks & a pretty chilled out character on the whole. Bar sleep. Once asleep, not a bad sleeper. Not brilliant in the day but only one night wake up. But getting her to sleep is HELL. It’s the only time she cries & boy does she cry.

These are things that do not send her to sleep:

Feeding (from two weeks old, she’s never fallen asleep on bottle or breast), cuddling, rocking in arms, a dummy (refuses), chewing her hands (not got the coordination and gets angry), bouncing up & down, swaying, her very fancy swing, a bouncy chair..

The only way I can get her to sleep is swaddling her & rocking her in her Snuz. But I’m talking 20-30 minutes of rocking while she screams. I pick up, cuddle & she looks around the room. Pop her back down, screams. And repeat until I think she essentially wears herself out & goes to sleep.

I hate all this crying. It hurts my heart. But everything else just doesn’t work. I’m very pro dummies but we’ve tried about 8 different shaped ones & all rejected 🤦🏼‍♀️

Her only other nap spot is the sling. But again, cries hysterically for 10-20 minutes while I walk around the room or up and down the garden before finally giving in & sleeping. Sling naps last 30 minutes max and I cannot stop walking. If I try do anything else, she wakes up! Everyone talks about slings being incredible nap tools but seemingly not here..

Does anyone have any suggestions?! On maybe dummy acceptance? Or how on earth to stop this crying? My elder daughter was a terrible sleeper but fell asleep really easily. Staying asleep was her issue. DD2 is the other way around!

I play white noise which seems to work lovely! Only thing is I have to keep it on all night 😓

Does anyone have any suggestions?! On maybe dummy acceptance?

Definately keep trying with the dummy. It's not just about the type of dummy (although cherry teat are my preference for under 6 months, they stay in better), there are other ways to get it accepted.

After my 3 dummy users, I was dismayed when DC4 didn't naturally take to a dummy. She did in the end (So useful do I know dummies to be) but it took a lot of conscious and deliberate work over a couple of months to get her to accept it. I basically just refused to give up until she (finally) accepted the dummy.

Some things to try:

● Give the dummy at all sorts of different times, not just when tired. Practice when awake and happy, practice just before feeds when the desire to suck is high. Try at the beginning of being tired and try when almost asleep. When establishing the dummy - don't limit it's use. Try as often as you possibly can (Then once accepted start limiting to just sleep time. But before accepted, no limits whatsoever)
● Try other people giving her the dummy
● Try the cradle hold that you use for breastfeeding, holding her close.
● Try whipping breast/bottle out and dummy in, quick as a flash, at the end of a feed.
● Try teaming dummy with a swaddle
● Try using dummy while also rocking or bouncing in bouncy chair. Movement helps a lot.

● When giving her the dummy, try to get her to reach for it rather than just passively putting it in her mouth. In fact don't ever just out it in her mouth, only give it When she actively reaches for it. To get her actively seeking the dummy teat, think of breastfeeding...
● Tickling her cheek with the teat should trigger a reflex to turn her head and reach for the rest with her mouth
● similarly, tickling top lip with a dummy teat should trigger a reflex to reach upwards for the teat. You use these tricks for a good breastfeeding latch.
● as dummy goes into her mouth, aim upwards towards the roof of her mouth. This again triggers sucking as it would if breastfeeding

● The idea is that dummy doesn't just sit in baby's mouth passively, that baby is actively sucking it. Otherwise there's no point in it - it needs to be sucked to give that soothing effect.
● gently tapping on the outside of the dummy triggers the sucking reflex, if baby has the dummy in the mouth bit isn't sucking
● if baby has dummy in mouth and starts crying, active sucking will stop the crying. So start off tapping outside. If that doesn't work remove the dummy and start again with ways to get baby to actively seek taking the dummy (cheek/lip tickling so baby reaches for it).

Finally on dummy acceptance, my advice is to just keep going and don't give up. Eventually, if you keep working at it, it will be accepted. I simply would not accept dummy refusal with my children - I'd have kept working on it as a massive priority until it was accepted. Such is the level of importance I place on dummies as a gentle sleep aid.

Are you sure she isn't getting overtired? How often/ how long does she nap for?