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Sleep

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Original poster

5 week old won't sleep in cot

26 replies

Nightclub123 · 05/06/2020 04:45

....I feel like such a failure. My 5 week old won't go down AT ALL, day or night. He was fine for a few weeks but now just cries after 20 or 30 mins in the cot. We've tried everything.
I use a sling in the day sometimes (have a toddler) and bedsharing isn't an option unfortunately.
Dr and hv keep saying it's normal but that doesn't help. I feel wretched.
My husband is amazing and does loads overnight but I still feel terrible and that we have to fix this.
I spend all my time awake googling and it's soul destroying when I read other threads and then they say things like "but he does do x many hours at night".
Anyone been in similar situation? Ppl irl just keep saying empty phrases like "you're doing amazingly" which is so unhelpful and dismissive.

OP posts:

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ILoveStickers · 05/06/2020 05:05

Ours was like this for about 3-4 weeks, it's so hard - they do crack it eventually.

Have you tried warming the cot up with a hot water bottle a bit? We needed the hot water bottle + grosnug (so her arms weren't free) + just time, I'm afraid. Having a side-along cot really helped too, as I could sleep with my hand on her, and the weight of it really helped her.

You will get there!

ILoveStickers · 05/06/2020 05:07

And you are not a failure - we've all been there!

Eggcellent29 · 05/06/2020 09:23

You are not a failure at all! As PP said, we have all been there.

5 weeks old is very, very tiny. Baby wants to be with you all the time because they have been inside you for 9 months before! So their crying or refusing to be put down is not connected to anything you’re doing in any way, it is not your ‘fault’ in any sense of the word!

It might be worth persevering with the sling if you can - I found it very useful but I don’t have a toddler to deal with as well!

Have you considered using a dummy? My LO has one and it really helps to keep him settled during his naps - he would most likely wake up after about 45 mins without it

Does baby sleep when he is on you/being cuddled? Is the cot/being put down the problem or will he not sleep even in your arms?

Original poster

Nightclub123 · 05/06/2020 09:31

Thank you for your replies. He sleeps fine on us, just not in cot. We've tried everthing suggested and more. I will try a dummy but only when bf is fully established as we had significant problems and I briefly lost my supply early on.

OP posts:

girlmummy25 · 05/06/2020 09:50

My DD was like this for a little while - persistency is key.
I was dead against her sleeping on me or in my bed at night time so she always went back in the cot, if she cried or was unhappy id get her out calm her down and back in she would go. Dont get me wrong sometimes this took ages! But she got it after a while and has only ever slept on her own for night times.

sarge89 · 05/06/2020 09:52

A cot is very big for a tiny baby who is used to being with you 24/7. We had a Moses basket that DS slept in until he was about 4 months, for naps and at night. But he often wouldn't stay in it at night and we co-slept most nights until he was 8 months just so I could get some sleep. 5 weeks is very young and not wanting to be away from you is totally normal.

Consider a smaller sleeping arrangement maybe, and try to stress yourself out. Also remember that routines are unlikely to mean anything to babies before 6 months.

I know you don't want to hear "you're doing amazingly" but I found it hard under normal circumstances. I'm sure you ARE doing amazingly. Be kind to yourself. There's not enough kindness around at the moment

Ps. DS is now 13 months and sleeps in his cot all night (apart from a feed or two) and has done since 8 months.

PowerStruggle · 05/06/2020 09:56

I second trying something a little smaller. I have twins that co-sleep and when you try and put one down without the other they seem stressed out about the amount of space round them. Maybe even build a little blanket nest and see if the security of that helps.

Good luck - I know it’s hard

InescapableDeath · 05/06/2020 09:59

I ended up buying a bedside cot for my daughter who was like this - could then sometimes get her to sleep and push her gently over to the cot bit!

FATEdestiny · 05/06/2020 10:01

● The dummy is the single best tool for independent sleep.

● Try naps in bouncy chair or pram

● Try a bedside cot (this means removing 1 side off your full sized cot and wedging up to your bed)

LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE · 05/06/2020 10:03

When you say cot - do you mean a big cot? My 6 month old wouldn't be put down at all when tiny. You need to work out how you can maximise sleep for you and partner (DH used to hold him sleeping until midnight while I slept, then we swopped). Keep trying with the cot but perhaps use a moses basket (warmed), and a swaddle. Put him down when he's deeply asleep (20 mins after going to sleep), and make sure his sheet have been stuffed down your top so they smell like you. We went from bassinet to side on cot to cotbed (3 weeks ago). The cotbed transition has been brilliant. By gently persisting with putting him down you are teaching him he is in his safe space. It will get better.

M9152 · 05/06/2020 10:06

I am in the same position as you! I have a 3 week old and this is now becoming normal at first was fine sleeping in her crib but has started to only go down for 20/30mins and then cry! It's so hard not to let it get you down especially when your getting no sleep yourself! Doesn't help when people say sleep when the baby sleeps because you can't if they only sleep on you! Hope it helps that your not the only one!

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 05/06/2020 10:06

5 weeks is the first wonder week, that comes with increased fussiness and non-sleeping. It should ease off a little the following week.

Original poster

Nightclub123 · 05/06/2020 10:08

Im sorry but except the dummy, I've tried all these. Did it all with my eldest too! Sorry, using the word cot but it's not, it's a snuzpod in the night and little crib in the day.

OP posts:

Booksandwine80 · 05/06/2020 10:08

I second what @FATEdestiny says-she is the genius of baby sleep

Pinkblueberry · 05/06/2020 10:12

I second trying a dummy. My DS has generally slept well, I think without a dummy it would have been very different.

catsarebetterthandogs9 · 05/06/2020 10:40

DD was like this for 8 weeks. It was torture. We had to take shifts to hold her all night.
At 8 weeks we started bathing at 7, feed, bed, wake up, rinse and repeat and she started going down for a few hours. We would then bring her in our bed so that's not helpful to you but I needed some sleep!
So I can't really help but you are absolutely not alone, I promise it does pass.

catsarebetterthandogs9 · 05/06/2020 10:40

And to add, we were using a bedside cot and tried a sleepyhead. She was just a nightmare.

FATEdestiny · 05/06/2020 12:12

Nightclub123 at 5 weeks you probably want to be swaddling, I forgot to mention that in my last post.

And I'd definately, definately suggest a dummy. This is especially important if you're (understandably) aversed to hearing your baby cry. Apart from feeding to sleep (which obviously isn't independent sleep), then getting baby to sleep will involve crying.

The humble dummy is a life saver for no-crying and independent sleep.

Chickoletta · 05/06/2020 12:21

Swaddling? White noise?

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 05/06/2020 12:41

OP has already stated why she can't try a dummy yet, so not sure it's helpful to keep suggesting it...

@Nightclub123 we had this, it was a nightmare. We tried the hot water bottle trick, as well as putting a tshirt worn by me or DP during the day in the crib, tilting the head of the cot up, sleeping with a hand in, etc... it all sort of worked sometimes, but tbh it took a good long while. This is one of those awful things you just have to wait out!

Anna783426 · 05/06/2020 22:37

Our five month old was like this and I didn't want to use a dummy for similar reasons. I did feed to sleep, and we safely co-slept to allow us both to get some sleep. She now falls asleep independently sucking her thumb in her cot - a few weeks ago I never thought that would ever happen! It is so hard though, everything is just a phase now so do what it takes to keep you sane

nowornever1 · 05/06/2020 23:24

My first absolutely refused to sleep on his own for more than 30 mins. It would take me hours to get him down and then he would wake up instantly.

There was no magic solution we just gave in and did what was natural and co-slept. This lasted until he was about 14 months. But since then he has been the most amazing sleeper, better than either of his siblings.

Happywith2 · 05/06/2020 23:33

My Ds was the same, slept so many times in my arms and in my bed ( which I hated doing but we needed sleep) and I just kept trying him in cot. Then all of a sudden he got it. Still have the odd night in with me (8 months old now).
He still don’t sleep in cot in day and breast feed twice in night.
You are not a failure

Catsdogsandfoxes · 17/11/2021 06:11

@Nightclub123 I've just discovered your post which I could have written (currently have a 5 week old who will not be put down). When did things improve for you (if they did) and what did you do? X

Original poster

Nightclub123 · 17/11/2021 11:59

@Catsdogsandfoxes I honestly can't remember, but it did get better. So sorry you're struggling right now. Xx

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