Fellow bed sharers only...

[Nicknamegoeshere]

I've just had my third and as before, we are bed sharing following the safety guidelines. I firmly believe that alongside breastfeeding and based on current up-to-date research (see Unicef etc), it is the safest place for baby to sleep and reduces SIDS risk.

So to fellow bed sharers, what do you say when supposed health care "professionals" rely on outdated and incorrect research and stipulate it is not safe?

I’ve never had a health professional tell me this. What have they said to you?

@Pinkblueberry The GP called my OH on an unrelated matter (bad back). He told her he had a newborn and she asked him how things were going. He said brilliantly and mentioned sleeping through as we're bed sharing and her reply was "It's my duty to tell you that's dangerous." He kind of backtracked just to pacify her. I would have been far less forgiving!!! She is totally incorrect.

I say that baby sleeps on a flat clear sleeping surface and is never alone. I've simply avoided going into any more detail. The most detail I think I've given was to 'and where does baby sleep?' I just said "in with us"

To say it is ‘dangerous’ isn’t even outdated, it’s just plain incorrect and I’d question the general intelligence and reading comprehension skills of any health professional who uses that type of language. Safe sleeping guidelines say that sleeping on their backs in a cot/Moses basket is ‘safest’ - I happily except that (I know you have stated you think otherwise OP so I’m just speaking for myself) - but as an adult with a functioning brain I don’t interpret that as all other sleeping, be it planned co-sleeping, sleeping in a car seat on the way to the supermarket, sleeping in a sling, sleeping in your arms or at your breast, as being ‘dangerous’. Just because one thing is ‘safest’ you can’t label everything else as ‘unsafe’. I would have told the gp that her using the term dangerous is incorrect, that I’m not sleeping with my baby whilst drunk or under the influence of drugs or by accident which the guidelines rightfully say is dangerous, thank you very much, and that perhaps she should go and read the safe sleeping guidelines again for herself because unlike her I have read them properly.

Sorry OP. Am not a bed sharer but have a friend who is sharing with a 3.5 yo and a ten day old. A fair few people have told me that’s dangerous and I’m worried for her and the baby. Please could you point me to the research saying it’s the safest option? Thanks. She’s bf both of that makes a difference and her husband sleeps elsewhere.

@Onekidnoclue Of course. Best place to start would probably be Unicef guidelines...

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/baby-friendly-resources/sleep-and-night-time-resources/caring-for-your-baby-at-night/

Also lower rates of SIDS where bedsharing alongside breastfeeding in countries where both are the "norm". There is definitely a positive impact when both are done simultaneously.

Anecdotally...When my eldest was a baby he (for reasons we still do not know) spiked a dangerously high temperature in the night. As he was next to me I instinctively woke and reacted quickly, getting him seen ASAP. Had he been in his cot I would not have known he had become unwell.

Bed sharing has to be done following a set of rules but if they are adhered to then it is certainly safe.

In this scenario I usually just don't get into a discussion about it. I don't think that giving a GP a sales pitch for co-sleeping is going to achieve much in this context other than possibly damaging my own relationship with the GP. It's not necessarily their fault they've got to push the standard line. I just say something like "thanks for the info" or "at the moment it's working for us" or "thank you, we've assessed the risk and made an informed decision".

It's not necessarily their fault they've got to push the standard line.

To say co-sleeping is ‘dangerous’ is not the standard line though. I understand if the gp said something along the lines of ‘check safe sleep guidelines for more information’ or ‘sleeping in a cot is currently seen as safest’ - I would just reply ‘thanks’ and completely understand that they’ve been advised to say this. But to use the word dangerous is giving false information, so I personally would feel the need to challenge her on why she uses that word. What evidence is she basing this on? Because of course I wouldn’t want to harm my child, please could she give me more information and evidence on this? The safe sleep guidelines don’t say anything about planned co-sleeping being dangerous, only unplanned co-sleeping and co-sleeping under the influence of alcohol and drugs. What other official guidelines have I missed?... it would be interesting to hear her reply. The gp either is pushing her own opinions on co-sleeping or is misinformed. Either way her response to the OPs DH was inappropriate.

Thank you Op. that’s really helpful. It’s the toddler I’m worried about tbh. He’s extremely jealous of his little sister and hasn’t been especially loving towards her. I appreciate bf and co sleeping are best for the newborn but toddlers can be a law unto themselves! Thanks for the link.

I just ended up lieing to my health visitor as she was clear that I should not Co sleep and kept coming back to visit and aak about it.

After the HV for my first telling me to leave my newborn baby alone to cry to sleep when they ask about sleep I just smiled blandly & said it was fine (despite having horror sleepers)

I bed shared with DD until she was about 2.5. I did have one health visitor who commented - she was concerned that my DH would squash her. I pointed out that I slept in the middle (DH was also worried, more that he would throw a duvet over her face or something). I just smiled and said we had read all the guidance and were happy with our arrangement.