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7 month old fighting every single nap/sleep!!

11 replies

Sundaygirlz · 01/06/2020 16:48

My 7 month old fights every nap and he's not getting enough sleep at all. He's averaging 11 hours over 24, he wakes up yawning and rubbing his eyes. I literally don't know what to do to make him sleep for longer. We currently co-sleep at night and he does sleep through but I would love to get him in his cot. Is sleep training the only way? Do I tackle night sleep or day naps first?!

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 01/06/2020 17:03

Where, when and what are you trying for the daytime naps?

FATEdestiny · 01/06/2020 17:10

How do you get him to sleep?

Sundaygirlz · 01/06/2020 17:16

After breakfast I hold him and rock him to sleep, sometimes it's pretty quick. On an afternoon I go out for a walk with him in the pram and then late afternoon usually just end up putting him in the pram and pushing him in the house. If I try to pick him up he just pushes away from me and he's strong.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 01/06/2020 17:18

What times are these naps and what time does he wake and go to bed?

What happens if you try and put him in his cot for his sleep?

Sundaygirlz · 01/06/2020 17:24

First nap usually 8:30/9am, second 1pm, third late afternoon but it depends how long he fights it. If I put him in his cot he screams or just rolls over a d crawls around, pulls himself up on the bars, everything apart from sleep!

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 01/06/2020 17:29

What time does he wake and go to bed and how long are the naps? We can give better advice with more info so e.g.

7am - wakes up, milk
8am - breakfast
9am-9:45am - nap one
10am - play
11am - milk

Etc. Etc. Can you give us a schedule?

Sundaygirlz · 01/06/2020 17:43

Wake - 6:30am
Bottle - 7:00am
Breakfast - 7:30am
Play - 7:45-8:15/8:30
Nap - 8:30/9ish (45 mins)
Get dressed/play - 10-11am
Bottle - 11am
Lunch - 12pm
Walk/nap - 1-2/2.30pm (nap sometimes up to an hour)
Bottle - 3pm
Play - 3:30-4pm
Nap - anywhere from 4ish
Tea - 6:30
Ready for bed and last bottle 7ish

He usually goes to sleep around 8/8:30 with us downstairs because he won't be left on his own.

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 01/06/2020 18:37

So baby is sleeping through from 8/8.30pm to 6.30am, aside from being taken upstairs when you go to bed? That's 10 to 10 1/2 hours solid sleep which is a good night for this age.

Daytime naps seem to be 45m morning, 60m lunchtime and 45m (?) evening. The lunchtime nap could do with extending but aside from that it's reasonable. I've certainly come across babies far more sleep deprived.

So Step 1 for you OP might be to adjust your expectations. Over night sleep in the range of 10h-12h would be normal - you're in that range (just on the low end). Daytime sleep in the range of 2h-4h would be normal. At 2h30m you're in that range again, just in the low end again.

Step 2 will be yo do with the way you get baby to go to sleep. Again there needs to be some setting of realistic expectations here.

You mention wanting baby in the cot rather than cosleeping. This can be done with some sleep training. But since your baby is used to movement to get to sleep and physical closeness to you, then in-cot sleeping will be a big change and so will involve crying.

Are you in a place to cope with the crying? Because it's really important to be consistent when sleep training, so not give up. Expect a lot of crying for 3 weeks or so, but with consistency you can help baby learn.

I wouldn't leave baby alone to cry. I'd stay and do all the comforting until baby is asleep. But do all of that settling with baby in the cot. For all naps, bedtime, all night wake ups - every sleep always the same.

I'd make sure baby is well fed, winded, clean nappy, not too hot, with a comforter. Then put baby into the cot at your naptimes. I'd lean right into the cot, try to physically cuddle baby in the cot as much as you can. Gentle shushing and rhythmic patting may help. Or just your hand reassuringly on the chest.

It's then just a matter of staying calm, stay reassuring and keep going. It may take a long, long time. Do the same thing every sleep time (day and night) every time. Always the same.

Consistency is key.

NuffSaidSam · 01/06/2020 18:51

Your timings are pretty good, the only thing I would suggest is trying to move the lunchtime nap slightly earlier so the gap between nap 1 and 2 is closer to 3 hours. So if he's having an early morning nap, 8:30am -9:15am, I would start the nap routine at 12:15pm ish (doesn't have to be military time). I wouldn't worry too much about the afternoon nap, that's usually the first to be dropped, particularly when he manages to sleep longer at lunchtime. He should then go to bed slightly earlier.

In terms of sleep training I agree with FATE. You have to settle him in his cot for him to get the association between bed and sleep.

I would initiate a short routine that you do before every sleep. Something like...go up to his bedroom, put him in his sleeping bag, read the same short story, say the same thing e.g. 'shh it's sleepy time', place in bed with comforter, then shhh and pat until he's asleep.

White noise also works really well for lots of children so I would try that too. Put on after story, before you put him in his bed.

Zillerdy · 01/06/2020 19:33

Sorry for the super long reply.

That actually looks like a pretty good routine.

This is my story and your situation and methods/thoughts may be very different, so please just take from it what works for you and ignore the rest.

I think that a big part of the problem that is so often overlooked, is that as a Mother of a 7 month old you are now basically running on empty and everything can seem overwhelming. You getting sleep, or at least some rest, at this point is as important, if not more so, then for your baby.

You know your baby, you know you and hopefully you have a supportive partner. If so, now is the time to lean on them, to give you some breathing space. Honestly, even if there is only one day a week when you can rely on them to look after the baby, whilst you are in control of what you want to do, when you want to do it, can make a massive difference.

I think you are being too hard on yourself, but I so remember how hard it was with my first. We co slept until he was 7 months old and he never slept through the night before then.

I had to go back to full time work at the end of 6 months, by the end of my first month back at work I was broken and ME, not him, went cold turkey one night. It was sheer desperation on my part.

I lay in bed hearing him cry, whilst watching a film on TV through headphones, to try and soften the sound somewhat. As the credits rolled there was silence. Part of me thought he might be dead, but I could hear him breathing on the baby monitor.

I went up to his room at 7.00 am expecting to find some sort of traumatised baby who would hate me. No. Happiest, smiliest thing.

From that night it was pretty much plain sailing. I fed him in his room in the dark, with me listening to the radio on headphones. Sitting in the dark feeding a baby with nothing to do makes it seems twice as long. Listening to something on headphones did not disturb him and made the time go so much faster for me. Once he was sleepy, but not asleep, I put him in the cot, shut the door and left.

The most challenging thing is going to be to change the habit of not putting him into his cot to go to sleep. It's horrible to hear your baby cry, but if they are fed, changed and in a safe and dark space, then a little time learning to self sooth is not going to harm them.

If he is sleeping through the night and you currently co sleep, I would try to make the morning nap the first one you change to cot only. He's been fed, milked, played with and has had a decent amount of sleep.

Give him a kiss and a cuddle for a few of minutes, use a soothing voice, put him in his cot, shut the door and leave to as far away as possible from him in your home.

Lie down and try to rest if you can. Do not try to catch up on chores, unless that distraction helps and you are more energetic in the morning.

Use some headphones and listen to whatever you find most relaxing. Do not go back for 15 mins. If he is still crying, pop in and just use your soothing voice for a few seconds. Do not pick him up. Repeat this once again after another 15 mins and then when 45 mins is up, go in, get him up and go about your day.

Do not change anything else until he is able to take his nap in his cot in the morning.

Leave the first afternoon nap as it is. It's good for you to get out and it seems to work for your baby too.

The second afternoon nap was always a problem for me. As I was at my lowest energy wise then.

You say he doesn't like to be held for that nap and hates the cot, so you often push the pram around the house.

Try going out for that nap as well. Do not push yourself to do more than 30 mins, 20 if you are really feeling tired/or overwhelmed.

If he doesn't nap, then at least he has something interesting to look at. This was the first nap that my baby dropped.

Good luck

Sundaygirlz · 01/06/2020 20:16

Thank you for all your advice each of you. I really appreciate the time you've taken for your replies!
Maybe I am expecting too much, I'm sure you know how it is when you start reading things and fall down the rabbit hole of thinking you're doing something wrong.
I know getting him into his cot will mean tears but I'm prepared for this.
Luckily my partner takes over when he gets home from work so I can have some breathing space.
Thanks again Smile

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