3 week old, night feeds, lack of help - RANT.

[amyw072]

I am a first time mum with a 3 week old after a reasonably difficult birth (still recovering). My husband went back to work on Tuesday, I’ve pretty much exclusively done the night feeds since then (along with the day up until 4 o’clock) and I am exhausted and emotional. Baby has gone from chilled to quite fussy over the last week. Husband was supposed to do 3AM feed last night but when it came to it he was ‘too tired’. I’ve stumbled upon him asleep with the baby on him and leaving the baby and dog unsupervised (for short periods). I near enough saw every hour of the night last night whilst he slept in until gone 9AM, meanwhile I was trying to soothe baby who was fussing. I really don’t know what I’m expecting from this post but I am so frustrated with him, stressed and tired. He has him now and I can’t even get in the shower whilst he is supervising because he is falling asleep with him in his arms 😡 I can't speak to him about it he is just so belligerent whenever I address him about safety issues.

You need to lock the dog in a separate room overnight or when you go to sleep if he has a habit of leaving them together.

If he has a habit of falling asleep with the baby you need to make him sleep elsewhere and you just co-sleep with the baby.

I was given statistics that it was better for a mother to co-sleep safer than either parent, especially the dad, to fall asleep holding the baby.

You need to plan that on the evenings when he gets back from work he looks after your baby on his own for a few hours, he should be awake then. Also in the weekends in the middle of the day he looks after baby.

All times he is looking after baby keep the frog in the same room as you or lock in a different room.

If your husband is working full days, it's not really reasonable to expect him to do the 3am shift. Give him the baby when he gets home, let him do 6-10 or whenever so you get some sleep, then you do the nightshift and he gets up at 5am or similar and does the morning. Its not fair to expect him to wake up at 3am and do a feed if he's working. You get to nap in the day, he's paying the bills.

Also, remember this is temporary. In a few weeks baby's patterns will be completely different. You just need to suck it up for a bit.

Falling asleep with the baby is a problem, if he's unable to stay awake (there's nothing you can do about this, mine is the same) then you need to avoid putting him in that position.

Also, count yourself lucking youve chosen formula, at 3 weeks DD was EBF and wanted me every 40 minutes. It was HELL.

I see you're struggling amyw072. It will get better and easier, I promise. But I know it's hard right now - it's hard for all brand new mums (and many old-hand mum's too). So you are not alone and your feelings valid

Lets get some practical help.

Have you tried a dummy?

Have you tried swaddling baby (do you know how to)?

Both these help baby sleep better in the newborn weeks. Also, are you winding baby after every feed until you get a big burp? And feeding nice and frequently.

That done, see if you can perfect the art of putting baby down to sleep. It's tricky, there's nothing wrong if baby won't just be put down. We all have to learn techniques to make it work. Really important you don't sleep with baby in your arms.

Sorry to hear this. My OH was pretty useless at night! But I BF so was happy to just do it all...OH slept in spare room most days and if needed I co slept just from 4/5am.
It meant he was more awake in day and could walk dog and baby at 7/8am and he had baby 9-11pm watching tv (baby in Moses basket) so I had a bath/got some sleep. It does get better.
You can’t risk him sleeping with baby so I’d say let him get good sleep at night but expect more from him during day.
I can’t imagine how hard having a baby is during lockdown...
is there anyone that could take baby for a walk now?