Me and my partners sleeping habits

[Ellie977]

Hey! My partner and I are expecting our first child in September. We are a very good couple and we love each other so much but we sleep in different rooms. This is for a few reasons: I struggle to get to sleep most night so use the old stare at my phone until my eyes go tried trick which can sometimes keep him up. He is an EXTREMELY bad sleeper, our neighbors can't fart without my partner waking up. And we both sleep better apart. We used to sleep together more regularly but I got hyperemesis gravidarum and was up half the night so I moved into our spare room pretty much permanently (the spare room is the attic, I'm here and not him because when he goes out for a early morning run I am less likely to be disturbed by him).

I've never given it a second thought, I'm happy and secure in our relationship and think that the need to share a bed is mostly a social construct. However, when the baby comes I have told him that I'm happy for our arrangement to continue but we'd swap rooms. After all, I intend on breast feeding our son and there isn't a lot he can do in that regard. Also, he will be working and I don't want him to be tired all the time.
My question is am I mad? I don't really know anyone to ask about their sleeping arrangements. Not many of my friends have babies and the ones that do are single parents so they are on their own anyway. Does anyone else have this arrangement with their partners, or something similar?

This worked really well for us. We put a single bed in the baby's room and to start with I only moved there when she was unsettled. I moved in there properly from when she was about 11 months to 2 and a half when she started sleeping without needing me. I really enjoyed the security it gave our baby and we all got decent sleep. We still had evenings together, still had a good sex life and it probably helped that we weren't all tired and grumpy.
Do whatever suits your family. Everyone you know will have strong opinions on where everyone should sleep. Try to ignore them- I don't get why people care so much! X

I can't speak from personal experience. However, my cousin did this when her children were babies and needed night feeds. Her partner needed sleep for his commute! And I had a friend growing up whose parents never shared a room. I went over as a 12 year old and got a tour of the place including "mum's room" and "dad's room" what a sensible idea!

Very sensible.

My DH have had separate bedrooms for years. I am amazed so many people can sleep comfortably with someone else in the same bed ... I dread going away when we have to share a bed (DH frequently ends up on the floor ) and we would always book a twin room if we go to a hotel.

Sleep is so personal ... what time do you go to bed, tv/reading/ phone in bed or not, window open or not, thick curtains or not, heavy duvet etc etc ... then wanting to get up at different times and not disturbing each other.

We are lucky enough to have a spare room ... my fear is ending up in a one bedroom place .

I have a bed in the baby's room so when she wakes now I go in there to feed her and often sleep the rest of the night with her.

We didn't put the snuzpod in there though so for the first 7/8 months we slept all together on weekends and for busy weeks at work DH went to another bedroom.

Separate beds are so nice, I go to bed before DH and those few hours when DD is in her room, DH is downstairs, and I've got the window open laying in bed alone is bliss.

Totally sensible. I think 50% of married couples with children (especially woman) would jump at the chance of sleeping well. I endured years of tossing and turning, farting, snoring and generally moaning if I read a book late, before sanity dawned.

Thank you for your replies and shared experiences everyone

I have 7 1/2 month old twins and have slept in the same bed as my other half for 6 nights since the babies were born!! For the first 3 months twin 2 wouldn’t sleep unless she was held and had awful colic so we split the nights, up til recently one or both twins has co-slept for part of the nights so no room for him in bed, and I’m used to working night shifts so I cope better on minimal sleep than him, so I’d rather he slept overnight so was able to function in the day.
Do whatever works for you as a family - every family and every baby is different. And don’t plan too much pre baby - we thought we would be sharing night feeds etc but that doesn’t work for us or for the babies

When our baby arrived my OH was in our bedroom initially but due to work and the disturbed sleep he went into the spare room. Tbh this worked perfectly. I breastfeed snd could watch Netflix in the middle of the night without worrying! I loved the time with my baby too. My OH came back when baby went into his Own room at 5 months. But I loved those few months! Do what works xx