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10 month old doesn't want to be rocked to sleep

7 replies

roobine · 27/05/2020 20:13

I've had a real struggle getting my baby down for both naps and bed recently.
We have always rocked her to sleep which we were both happy with, however she has now started crying, pushing, and kicking me when I hold her in the rocking position.
I took this as a cue that she may want space to settle herself but if I put her in the cot she either just plays and wakes herself up completely or screams to be picked up.
She has always been the kind of baby that shows tired signs but struggles to fall asleep without support (which I'm happy to give). She will sometimes nap in the pushchair or car but obviously I can't do this at night...
I'm having to carry on with the rocking at the moment as it's the only way to get her down however I obviously don't want her to associate sleep with being a stressful time. I don't want to go down the road of sleep training so I'm just not really sure what my options are..?
Has anyone else been through this and how did it resolve?

OP posts:
userabcname · 27/05/2020 20:18

My 7mo is similar- I think, in our case, if we have reached the stage of pushing away/crying it's over-tiredness. I find a steady rock and bottom pat and white noise get us through it is a bit of a struggle. If I catch him before he is over tired he generally goes down without a fight so I am being more mindful of his tiredness cues. Of course, that may not be the same for you! Babies are tricky little things!

HoneyWheeler · 27/05/2020 20:22

10m can be a tricky time for sleep - I found my LO needed a fraction more awake time at that age. That may be the cause of the push back? You could try pushing back the nap by 15min and see what happens?

roobine · 27/05/2020 20:37

Thanks @KatnissK. I don't think it's over tiredness - we've gone through all the earlier / later bedtime and other troubleshooting things...
I normally expect a bit of crying at sleep time but it's the pushing and kicking that's the main problem, I sometimes almost feel like I'm having to restrain her which is not nice all round.
Why can't they come with a manual???

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 27/05/2020 20:40

It's easy to forget what it's like for a baby, who has no experience or prior knowledge to draw on like we do.

As adults we have learnt the art of going to sleep. We know we need to be in a comfortable position. We know that we can only go to sleep if our body is relaxed, so we do things to help ourselves to relax - lie still, calm our breathing, clear our mind and so on.

What you need to bear in mind is that all of this is learnt behaviour. We have learnt through personal experience how to relax our bodies to give ourself the best chance of going to sleep.

A child has not yet learnt this and has no experience, so it's within the role of being a parent to teach it. Some things your child is likely to not know, even though these are obvious to you or I:

● to go to sleep she needs her body to be still
● to go to sleep she needs to physically do nothing with her body (So not "play").
● to go to sleep she needs to be quiet

So, you could do with thinking of gentle, compassionate ways to teach her these skills so that she can go to sleep in the cot.

I'd suggest starting by holding her hands. Both her hands in one of yours gives you another free hand for stroking/patting or whatever. Otherwise one of her hands in each of yours. This physically holds her still, but in a gentle way. It also keeps her lying down.

If she screams, the obvious answer would be encourage dummy sucking for no crying self-soothing. If you don't have this option then you need to sooth her another way and it probably will involve crying, but - importantly - crying while you try to comfort and sooth not being left to cry.

So how to sooth? The best option would be in-cot soothing. You being as physically close to her as you can, calming eye contact, stroking if that helps her, or patting might be good. You're unlikely to get her to stop crying straight away but if you can keep her lying down and still then that's an achievement and she should calm down in the end if you keep at it.

If the above isn't happening or accelerates, then pick her up to calm her down. Hold and comfort her until she calms down. Then put her back down and start again. Don't expect her to not cry (dummy is the only realistic way yo have that happen straight off), but try to calm and sooth her in the cot again. If no luck, pick up again, sooth and put down. Just keep repeating the pick up put down and eventually she will calm.

Over time, this will all get easier, quicker and involve less crying. But initially while you are teaching there might be some crying. But you'll always be there - caring, being compassionate and helping her to learn at her own pace.

roobine · 27/05/2020 20:40

Thanks @HoneyWheeler. Yes I do wonder if it's regression related...
she's in that tricky stage where 2 naps might be too much but 1 nap not enough. She does settle in my arms much more easily if she's had less sleep in the day but that's normally because she's absolutely knackered and has been super grumpy for hours 😂

OP posts:
roobine · 27/05/2020 20:45

Thank you @FATEdestiny that's really helpful and some good ideas there for me to try Smile

OP posts:
roobine · 28/05/2020 19:57

@FATEdestiny tried your suggestions tonight... I can't even get her to lie down in the cot 😩😩
Every time I put her down she literally just pops back up and tries to climb the bars. She was dozy and calm before I put her in so definitely tired / ready for sleep. I tried the holding hands but she just wriggles all over the place so to hold her in that position I'd basically be restraining her. She's not even particularly upset so I just thought I'd leave her for a bit to see if she'd calm and eventually want to lie down, but she's now totally woken herself up.
I've had to hand her over to my husband because I was getting stressy about it all.
I literally don't know what to do now if we can't even get her to lie down 😩

OP posts:
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