Co-sleeping - how did it affect your relationship?

[doadeer]

I often see people share their experiences of co-sleeping. I did this for a couple of months while we were going though a tough patch but I feel like, whilst it was lovely being near my baby (still miss it!) it was not a good thing for my relationship.

It meant I was in bed with our son from 8/9pm as DH didn't get home from work till 7.30pm I never saw him. I missed having cuddles, sex and intimacy.

I'm curious those who co-slept long term how this impacted your relationship.

We put DS to bed at appropriate toddler time, we go to bed (in the same bed) at appropriate adult time. Mostly he sleeps fine until then, occasionally will wake and one of us will go to him, just as a DC in their own bed can wake. No lack of cuddles, sex or intimacy, those can all take place at different times in different places. We all feel happier and more secure for cosleeping and our relationship is better for it.

Ah I can see that's easier as they get older. We had a horrible incident when I went to the toilet and my son rolled out of the bed around 10 months so I was always scared to leave him after that

We always put him to bed in his own bed first, then he comes in with us after waking. He is 3 now and usually climbs in around 3am

Yes he was in a cotbed for the initial stretch until big enough to be left alone in ours.

I am co- sleeping with my 10 month old (have since birth). I have a super king size bed but I have sent my OH to sleep on a mattress in the living room. He is big and a heavy sleeper
We have bed guards on every side of the bed. And my DS did actually roll out one night while I was sleeping- was awfully scary but he was ok.

I miss the cuddles and the intimacy but to be honest, if DS was in his own bed we would be so tired from all the night wakes that we wouldn't want to be intimate anyway!
We don't have sex at all as we also have a toddler so at the moment it's impossible. But I don't worry about it, will get back to it when things return to normal (if they ever do!)

we put the mattress on the floor once they can roll. also i put the baby to bed at baby bedtime then go downstairs and carry on as normal til my bedtime. if DH is here i'll start the night in bed with him then when baby wakes up i usually go next door and don't bother to return to adult bed as DH is awful to sleep next to anyway. this is the second baby i've done this with, my first i did it for 15 months and it was a short but sharp transition to his own cotbed at that point and he's slept excellently ever since. (gets up a bit bloody early but that's because the birds keep getting switched on at 4am )

We’ve coslept half the night since DD hit the 4 month sleep regression and she’s now 14 months. She goes down in her cot at bedtime and will resettle with a feed from me or cuddle from DH if she’s up before we turn in but once we’re in bed when she wakes I bring her in with us and she’s there till morning.

It works brilliantly for us with a balance of evening time to ourselves then no getting up for me to feed in the night. If I could stay awake long enough to put her back I could probably gradually get her to stay in her cot, which is next to our bed, but I value sleep and enjoy having her close.

It’s not something I’d ever planned on before having her and from 6 weeks to exactly 4 months she slept through 11 or 12 hours a night so it wasn’t an issue. Though even then we had her downstairs with us and she’d usually nod off on DH and get put down asleep.

So yes, only good things for us from cosleeping.

It finished off my marriage but I don't think it would have taken much to be honest so I don't blame the co sleeping. It was either that or I'd have died from lack of sleep!

We both work part time so spend a lot of time together anyway so it's made no difference to our relationship - I think your difficulty is the bed rather than the sleeping arrangements- we have a mattress on the floor so I've always been able to sneak back downstairs

Really interesting to hear! Thanks for sharing everyone

Pretty sure it makes our relationship better! We all have a full night's sleep But we've never been cuddly sleepers or gone to bed at the same time in our relationship anyway.

I settle DD down in our bed and then I tend to get back up although if I've got work on then I might just work beside her on my laptop in bed. She's a v heavy sleeper so I can do whatever I want really, watch Tv at a normal volume, leave and come back, eat crisps

It’s made no difference here, we have always slept apart (we have 2 “master” bedrooms) so that’s no difference. We won’t ever share a bed again, I have a parasomnia and he’s a light sleeper, our marriage wasn’t going well until we realised it was our sleep issues.

DH works shifts between 6am and 10pm and usually offers to do the unpopular 1-10pm one now, so I go to bed early with DD when he’s working so it works well as he’s able to see her during the morning and he takes his break when we have dinner together (he WFH all the time, not just due to pandemic). But it’d still be fine if he did 9-5

I do miss watching TV on the sofa with wine now and again so hopefully we will get back to that one day. DD nearly 9 months and we have co-slept from birth (the midwives put her in bed with me in hospital) as she will not sleep alone and I refuse to let her cry it out.

I am sure we’ll make progress in the next year to getting her sleeping without me. But right now we both sleep well together (EBF too so quite frankly it’s easier!) and get about 9-10hrs with 1-2 feeds.