Losing my mind due to lack of sleep!!!!

[missjocaitbo]

So we have tried absolutely everything to get my 3 year old to sleep in her own bed. What used to work best is her falling asleep either on the sofa or in our bed and then we would move her into her own. She would eventually end up back in our bed but at least we would have a few hours sleep without her in it! This would usually be between 7-8pm.
Now she seems to hate sleep! No matter what we have done to try and tire her out, whether she has had a nap in the day, does not make a difference...half 9-10pm she is still awake and full of life! The minute bedtime is mentioned she will scream and cry to the point of nearly being sick (which then starts her reflux off)
We have tried routines, stories, reward charts, even brought a groclock but nothing seems to work.
She does have night terrors and also a condition called sleep groaning so bedtimes are not great as it is.
Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get her to even just settle down without a massive battle?

In the gentlist way possible, it sounds like , for a very long time, you've taken the easiest options with regards to sleep and now that's come back to bite you in the bum.

Instead of doing what's easy, you now have to do some hard work with some parenting that's tough to do, rather than easy.

So gear yourself up for the fact this is going to be hard work and before you begin ask yourself - do you have the resilience and resolve within yourself to cope with the hard work this will take?

Taking the easy option isn't a problem if you recognise you're doing it and know you won't get great outcomes as a result. But it's a really bad idea to begin trying to solve this and then give up (as you have with previous attempts to solve this).

So, what's important for babies/children of all ages is to go to sleep where they stay asleep. This is the central pillars in all aspects of good sleep hygiene. Moving an already asleep child will never give you good sleep habits, as you've found.

At aged 3, there is absolutely not other options - getting your toddler to sleep in their own bed and stay there is going to involve a lot if crying. A massive, huge, monumental amount of screaming. Are you ready for that?

The solution is the definition of "easier said than done" but is very simply just to be consistent, repetitive and don't give in.

You put your toddler in bed, say a mantra that defines what you expect ("sleep time now, we lie quietly in bed at sleep time, nan night" for example), kiss and leave.

Child gets up, or screams. You just act like a broken record. Return, put in bed, say mantra, kiss and leave. Repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat... This will take a longggggggg time.

You do this same thing st every wake up. Every time, every night, always the same. Expect a really hard 3 weeks or so. If you are consistent, you will can solve this.

In other contexts this problem is caused by not having firm boundaries for your child. Toddlers need really firm understanding of behaviour that is acceptable and behaviour that is not acceptable. And your responce to unacceptable behaviour has to be consistent so they know there is zero wriggle room when it comes to unacceptable behaviour. This applies to all situations, not just sleep.

As above.

Tough love pays off massively wrt sleep.
You need a good night's sleep also. You need your bed back. Imagine a toddler who has had plenty of sleep?? An amazing toddler ime.
You can do it op...

@FATEdestiny are you still giving out free helpful advice?!! You helped me with DS as a baby who is now 4. Wow. You are fab. Thank you.
And OP - good luck.

This sounds really hard for you, but i think if she is having night terrors then she is obviously going to be terrified of going to bed.
I would put her a little camp bed next to your bed. Shes pretty much a toddler. She still needs you. It wont be forever. You cant train her out of this one

As above. My 3yo gets out of routine so easily after holidays etc, we've had to sleep train about a dozen times.
The first night usually involves her tantruming until she vomits, but by night 3 we've cracked it. Although this is getting less now she's 3 and I can reason with her a bit.
There is no easy way, you just have to do it.
Let her choose some nice pj's and bedding, make her room lush, it'll soften the blow a bit for her

namechangecareerchange bless you. Not as often anymore, but yes I'm still here every now and again. I am getting a bit bored during lockdown so have rediscovered the sleep board. Hope you're well.

What FATEdestiny said.

I'm sorry OP, I know it's not what you want to hear, particularly as you are already exhausted, but this really is a case of you allowing these horrible habits to develop and not doing the hard work of reinforcing good habits. A friend of mine did the same - never putting a stop to her DS coming into their bed at night. He's now 12. He still does it. Not as often, it's true, but any time they go away, come home, he's ill, you name it - he's back in their bed. So keep the end goal in mind and persevere - you'll get there - but if you keep giving up and letting it continue it won't end.

As for the night terrors - my DS2 had these and he grew out of them eventually. They are very common at the age your DD is. I learned through trial and error NEVER to wake him up during them, just to stroke his arm and talk calmly to him things like 'You're safe, I'm here, it's just a dream, etc'.

The majority of older kids do not continue to come into their parents bed though as they grow out of it.
I think it sounds lovely that they know they can do that at 12 if they need to but generally dont