Co Sleeping/Teething HELL - Please Help

[Jlp1234]

The severe lack of sleep over the past 6.5 months paired with the fact my DD is stuck at my hip 24 hours a day and refuses to rest anywhere but physically wrapped around me, even to nap during the daytime, has resulted in me seriously spiralling into a huge pit of PND and feeling so so suffocated.

I originally started co sleeping with her when she was just 6 weeks old because she would only sleep a maximum of 45 minute stretches in her next 2 me independently and after a horrific birth and still very much recovering at that time in desperation I bought her into my bed for my own sanity to allow me to atleast get some amount of decent sleep per night and well she’s never left and completely refuses. I’ve tried sleep training which has miserably failed each attempt as she will scream uncontrollably to the point she is physically sick and sweaty, I’ve tried letting her fall asleep with me and then trying to transfer once she appears to be in a deep sleep but it’s as though she has some sort of radar that alerts her and she wakes instantly.

It is now week 3 of teething and she is awake frequently for long periods of time throughout the night and even when she isn’t she’s thrashing around flailing her arms and legs around hitting out at me which obviously means I’m wide awake so am barely getting any rest at all.

I have no life whatsoever, my relationship is breaking down because I’m too tired to communicate or be intimate or even crack a smile at the moment. I’m forced to bed early every evening, I’m just finding this all very overwhelming and not enjoying it one bit.

Please tell me I’m not alone. I’m so depressed with it all and don’t see an end to this hell.

Oh poor you that sounds utterly miserable. It can be so relentless looking after a baby and you're definitely not alone. I have days where I just find it all too much.

Have you spoken to any sleep specialists? It sounds like you need to get her out of your bed but

Posted too soon...

...but it sounds like there's a lot you've already tried.

You are not alone. Sleep deprivation and being constantly needed and grabbed at is so unpleasant, there feels like no escape. It’s easy to see how that seeps into PND.

I know you’ve tried some strategies, have you used Lucy Wolfe’s approach? She has some good info on her website and a useful book. Is your partner able to help much?

I’m not much help as we still have massive sleep issues (haven’t managed to stick to a strategy yet due to illness etc) but letting you know that you’re not alone!

After my son was poorly and unable to settle we began cosleeping when he was 4mo.

Up until about 7mo it was fine, then as you say the teething starts and you get constantly pulled and kicked. I decided it was time for him to go in his cot.

He still needs me to fall asleep,.and I can now put him in his cot for a good 2-4 hour stretch before bringing him in with me.

I am currently having my hair pulled and back kicked whilst reading this .

I completely understand your frustrations with not getting a moment by yourself and feeling as though you are miles away from happiness and any kind of relationship with your partner.

Have you tried : white noise? Comforter? My son needed my t-shirt I had worn that say the first couple of nights. Does baby wear a sleep bag?

You are doing an excellent job, you are a great mum and you will pull through this.

That sounds tough :( I’m sorry your feeling so down.
Teething is hell so now probably isn’t the right time to try to get her out of your bed.
I’m going to suggest something which is widely unpopular but it’s entirely your choice and may help. Have you considered a sleepyhead pod? My dd wouldn’t sleep anywhere but on me until I was given a sleepyhead pod and it was a game changer. I also gave her a comforter so she had something to hold but I took that off her at night once she was fast asleep so it wasn’t a hazard.
I used the sleepyhead initially on the sofa in the day, then it went upstairs into the crib for daytime and nighttime sleep and eventually into her cot in her own room. Once she started turning over to sleep on her front I got rid of it.
She loved it so much when she outgrew the standard one I bought the bigger size second hand because they’re expensive.
It’s a personal choice with them though and you should only use one if your entirely happy to do so as they are not recommended for safe sleeping but I’m just sharing what worked for us

Oh this sounds so tough op!

For the teething the only thing that helped my son was using anbesol liquid and Nurofen (we found this better than just calpol) together. The anbesol numbed the area immediately so gave him instant relief and the nurofen followed it up

Right now, I’d get through teething as best you can and then tackle the co sleeping

How awful. It sounds like you have tried lots of different strategies but what you need is rest.

You haven't mentioned your partner or of you have other children so I'm going to assume yes partner, no other children. Can your partner take the baby out for a nap in the pram or take them early in the morning and let you have a lie in?

As for stopping co-sleeping I have no advice. DD1 sleeps with my husband, DD2 sleeps with me. Sometimes in the morning DH and DD1 sneak in for a cuddle but DD2 is pretty adamant all mummy cuddles are hers!

As for intimacy etc give it time, you need rest. I'm just living by the maxim that the solution to most sleeping problems is time.

Good luck OP

During the 6 weeks she did initially sleep independently when she was a newborn she slept in a sleepyhead pod which was inside of her next 2 me cot attached to our bed but would only sleep for a max of 45 minutes at a time and it was KILLING me physically mentally and emotionally only sleeping in 20 minute bursts sporadically. I feel like I’ve exhausted all options now and this is how my life is doomed to be until the end of eternity - which in hindsight sounds very over the top I know but when your going through it and living this life it really does feel like the worst thing in the world.

I have looked in to sleep specialists but realistically who has a spare £500 per night to pay someone to sleep train for you whilst on ML money?!

Ugh, sorry to sound so depressing but it’s just really difficult right now.

Hey OP,

As pp said tackle teething first, then cosleeping.

When my lo is teething I up his bottles by an Oz as he isn't eating as much in the day. I second baby ibuprofen too. It works well for my DS.

Don't despair, it's not forever.

For teething give ibuprofen and anbesol liquid (not gel). Are they showing signs of ear infection or other illness?

For both my girls six months was the worst sleep regression. As they got a bit older I put the mattress on the floor, baby proofed the room settled them to sleep and then left them.

It will get better. Get your partner you play with baby during the day or take the baby out for a walk/sleep in the sling or pram so can get a break.

Have you tried shite noise?

@Selfsettling3 I really hope that's a typo You're making me giggle my teething baby awake

SHITE NOISE. LOL !!!!!!

What’s your DP doing? My first thought would be to do shifts, one of you sleeps alone 7-2am and the other 2am-8/9am. At least to get you some solid uninterrupted rest so you can start to see things more clearly. I had a DD who slept well but I had an undiagnosed thyroid problem and thus had insomnia for the first nine months and it literally made me suicidal. Sleep deprivation is torture and it’s very hard to think clearly while in the midst of it. I would suggest:

1. Move your kiddo out of your room while sleep training, there is a lot of evidence that they sleep better without us.
2. If you’re not already, have your DP give you kiddo a bottle for any night wakings to give you a break, breast milk, formula WHATEVER is easiest for you, at this point having a happy mum will do way more for your kiddo than only being fed breast milk.
3. Cal pol for the teeth, during the worst periods we did calpol at regular intervals for a few days with the thought that staying on top of the pain was important, if you think about adults having chronic pain, you do need to get ahead of it sometimes to really give you a break.

how old? i guiltily bed shared with my first because anything else was impossible. he very very quickly settled into his own bed at 15 mo, it was short and sharp about 3 nights of CIO.. shock horror! he's 3 now, he's absolutely grand, sleeps beautifully and is not traumatised. i've actually come to the conclusion it's kind than going in and out and in and out which just made him more and more upset and unsettled.

I'm now guilt free bed sharing with #2 and i just enjoy the sleep and cuddles knowing when the time is right he'll gain his independence one way or another.