At a complete loss, any ideas?

[Cakeandslippers]

I have a 16mo girl. She's never slept well, woke at least every hour till 10mo. It is slightly better now but still have lots of problems -

• takes anything between 20min and 3 hours to go to sleep, needs rocking, shhhing, cuddling, patting etc. But often wakes the second we put her down, will scream if we leave the room or even if we are in the room but not holding her (I mean full on tears, screaming, hyperventilating)

• wakes several times a night. Can take between 20min-2 hours to resettle.

• regardless of the time she goes to sleep she's up at 6am.

I'm 35 weeks pregnant. I don't know how we are going to manage when baby arrives as I'm struggling now so much. 3 hours tonight till she exhausted herself, she was tired at bedtime - she keeps herself awake if she starts to drop off she'll jump up or shout no no no.

She naps 1.30/2 hours at lunch, have to help her get to sleep but it's usually ok.

Is CIO my only option now? Everything else I've tried, has no effect and the meltdowns are so severe even if we just put her down and lie next to her.

Anyone else been through this? I'm so tired and fed up.

You need to sleep train.

If you can afford it, get a sleep consultant.

Otherwise, do a bit of research and find the method that you think will suit you best and try that.

Controlled crying is not for everyone, but it works, it generally works quickly and it will not harm her (despite what some people will tell you, research into Romanian orphans is not applicable to loved and bonded children!).

@nuffsaidsam I just can't see how to do it though. I can't even put her down without her hyperventilating and getting so worked up that if I do leave her, she's sick. Any idea how to even begin? I don't think I could do cio tbh. But am willing to try something else.

I also don't know who to believe, you, and others, say it causes no harm but then others are adamant it does and I just don't know.

I did look at sleep consultants but they seem to be hundreds of pounds for a really limited offer and I just feel like we're so far away from where we need to be we couldn't succeed.

Sorry, I sound v negative, I'm just exhausted and a bit down about it all, struggling to imagine anything could help at this point.

I have no advice but wanted to say you're not alone. DS is 1 next week. Still wakes through the night. Can be anything from waking every 30 mins, or on a good night every hour or so. He's the same, if we leave him in a room alone, he cries until he's sick.

It's so hard. I feel like this is going to last forever.

Re. controlled crying, you can research it yourself. The info is out there. Studies show damage to the brains of babies left to cry, but this is research done on children in orphanages, children left to cry endlessly, for months and years, children with no attachment to a carer. It's up to you to make of that what you like.

It's also for you to weigh up, what is more damaging being left to cry for a few nights or endless interrupted sleep, being unsettled for hours at a time, every night. How damaging is it to a child to have a mother on her knees with sleep deprivation? Is that more or less damaging than being left to cry for periods of time? No-one can tell you how to feel about it.

It's much the same with sleep training methods. You need to look into the options and find one that works for you (that's essentially what a sleep consultant will do). So, it basically comes down to; what do you have more of, time or money?!

I don't have any advice for you OP but I do know a lot of people who have used sleep consultants and found it solved the issue so if you can possibly afford it I think it's worth a go.

My understanding is there is no evidence that a few nights of crying causes any problem at all for a child who is loved and well cared for. As a PP said, the studies which show it does cause damage were based on children who were neglected for years on end. I'm guessing your home is pretty different to a Romanian orphanage!

Look up just chill mama...
She offers online courses and free you tube videos...I didn’t follow religiously but principles helped me x

I know the term CIO causes all sorts of issues with MNetters.

But, it rescued us. We reached the stage with DS1, almost, where it was him or us. 10 months?

We were broken. This helped, this status, him giving it heaps, as we had reached a bit of an 'end of road' situation; which made Controlled Crying easier. It took a few days, but I wasn't weeping outside his door. Beyond the first few days of going in, timed! - no eye contact, lying him down, 'Night night' - I was sitting near his door, going 'Hmm, he's less committed, now', to moments of quiet, til asleep.

It made him a happy toddler, and us much happier parents.

He's 21 now.😂

She's quite young, but would she take to a bed?

My son was an awful sleeper, similar to yours. Due to chance he ended up in a (toddler) bed from about 17-18 months. He would go to sleep in his bed and sleep through. Little sod.

We hypothesize that he hated being confined in a cot, and because he wasn't trapped in a bed, he didn't get out. But honestly, I neither knew nor cared, he slept!!!