Advice needed - 21 month old self settling

[Willow4987]

At what stage did you leave your little one to self settle to sleep without being in the room with them?

DS is 21ms and self settles to sleep if we’re in the room with him. Sometimes this is 15 mins, sometimes 1.5 hours. It’s a complete lottery and his daily routine doesn’t change. He naps between 12-2. Sometimes it’s closer to 1 before he’s asleep but he’s never asleep past 2 otherwise bedtime is even worse

I’ve got a 12 week old baby and I want to encourage the older one to settle to sleep without us being there as soon bedtime routines will kick in for baby and I don’t want a battle with both at the same time so keen to tackle the older one first

But I’m not sure what a reasonable expectation is for settling on their own and at what age?

All of the children I know are a few years older and seemed to be doing it by now

Just to say once he’s asleep he’s great! Unless ill/teething etc

Bump

It is completely reasonable to expect a 21 month old toddler to go to sleep by themselves. Bath, teeth brushed, story, in the bed, lights out, leave the room. Might get some complaining, negotiation, demands for extra toys, glasses of water, etc, but ultimately they can and will fall asleep.

Waiting around for 90 minutes for him to fall asleep sounds soul-destroying. and you are not at all unreasonable in wanting to change it.

I guess there are 2 basic ways of changing this: cold turkey and gradual shift (e.g. you might stay for a while and then leave, rather than leaving once the light is off). Which of those you go for is going to come down to his personality and your parenting approach/preferences.

Hope that helps a little.

Following as my DD is 20 months and still breastfeeds to sleep...

So we’ve cracked it.

I was putting DS1 down for a nap and the 13 week old was kicking off. So I took him out to calm him down. In that time DS1 fell asleep

So at bedtime (and every nap and bed time since), I read him a story. Have explained that it’s sleep time and I love him and given him a kiss and explained that ‘I’m leaving now ok‘. He said ok and so I’ve left.

He’s taken close to an hour to settle but there’s been no tears or anything. He’s just happily rolled around his cot just settling down in his own time!

It’s been amazing! He just eventually goes to sleep with no problem! I honestly expected some sort of battle with him

I’m even more worried about transitioning to a single bed in 3 months now as his sleep is so good