12 week old only napping on me

[Hrp86]

I’m just wondering if anyone has any tips for a very tired family. Our son is 12 weeks old tomorrow. He has been quite a challenging baby as he cries a lot more than the norm and I have found it incredibly tough, particularly given we can’t go out and do things with the current coronavirus situation or get support from family or friends.

He has been a very colicky baby. Early on we started Infacol to help as he always seemed in so much pain, screaming and crying for hours. To help him we also gave him a dummy which seemed to really soothe and settle him. We only used this when necessary but also used it to help him get off to sleep. We would then remove it once asleep which worked really well. Sadly it’s now causing an issue.

He was sleeping well at night in his Moses basket but during the day will not sleep anywhere but on myself or my husband (or in a sling). We have tired everything that has been suggested and no luck! It is so strange how he would sleep in it at night but not in the day. He hates being swaddled and always has so is in a sleep sack. We use white noise that we use at every sleep anyway which I think helps. The dummy has now become a problem as he is reliant on it and reliant on us rocking him to sleep in our arms. For some reason he flinches his arms even more than he used to which was already a lot (it has really increased) and every time he flinches he wakes himself up. When he wakes he straight away looks for the dummy and cries because it isn’t there. If we leave it in the same thing happens when it falls out. He does not self-settle and so we then have to end up going to put it back in and settling him again. We can’t continue like this so we are keen to get rid of the dummy. During the day I’m having to take him upstairs for naps, it takes me ages to get him off to sleep (using the dummy and holding him) and then I can lay down with him on me for napping but I am so keen to get him to nap in his Moses basket but the above problem with the dummy would also still happen! We tried controlled crying but he can go for hours with hours without giving in to sleep! It seems like nothing will ever work. I think we haven’t helped by giving a dummy and rocking him to sleep but I’m so confused on how we change these bad habits now.

Any advice would be so appreciated! We are struggling to get into any routine in the day as often it can take me an hour or two to get him off to nap and by the time he does he may well be hungry etc as it’s taken so long. Night time the routine is better except for the fact the dummy is now affecting his (and our) sleep!

Firstly you’re doing a great job so don’t worry

If the dummy is helping him sleep, I’d leave it be for now. If not then maybe remove it but you might make it harder for yourself to get him off. I don’t have any advice about dummy removal so hopefully someone else can help with that

Daytime naps vs nighttime sleep I can help with. DS1 was identical to this! Would only nap on me in the day but would be fine in his next to me at night. I could never figure out why

Essentially I embraced it. If it’s your first, embrace it even more as it’s so much harder with the second

Use the time to relax, have a cup of tea, watch tv. I know you feel guilty for not being productive, cleaning the house, washing up, getting baby to be ‘independent’ etc etc but trust me. It all come with time

Practical advice for you for when the time comes to make a change is basically what I did. DS was getting too heavy to rock to sleep and we were approaching 6 months so I wanted him to nap independently to have better quality sleep

So I started having all naps in my room, I’d rock him to sleep and then gently roll him onto our bed so he slept next to me. I didn’t go anywhere or move etc. It meant he got the initial comfort and then could still smell/feel me so didn’t wake

That eventually progressed to him lying next to me and falling asleep next to me

Then eventually into his bed with me rubbing his back etc

Then to me holding his hand

Then to just sitting there

Doing the first coupe of steps (Sleeping next to me) was from about 5 months to 6 months. At 6months he started napping in his cot with me rubbing his back to sleep. And it progressed from there

This way he got the comfort he needed but without any drama

This sounds so tough! My DD is 13 weeks old so I’m certainly no expert, but I’m just wondering how long you’re leaving him awake before trying to put him down? If we time it right, DD falls asleep almost immediately (with rocking/bouncing/feeding she’s not one of those babies that just falls asleep!!). But ten minutes ‘late’ can make all the difference and it can take half an hour and she gets really worked up.

Thank you so much for your tips and advice. We seem to have cracked the evenings 🤞 he still needs the dummy initially and then he moves on to his thumb. So the dummy is being used less now which is great.

We have successfully managed to get him to sleep in his Moses basket for naps over the last two days but it's taking 45 mins to get him to settle for a nap. Is that normal? I feel like I spend most of my time trying to get him to sleep. When he is awake he gets tired again after about an hour and a half maximum. It feels like he doesn't have much awake time when he is happy and playing.

I am also wondering how we will be able to go out and do things once lockdown has eased as he doesn't seem to nap in pushchairs etc. So I'm worried we will just have a very cranky baby.

I don’t have any answers I’m afraid but I hope that someone comes along soon to help. I wonder the same thing about how I’ll ever be able to go anywhere ever again. If she doesn’t have her big nap in the day the rest of the day is just a nightmare. And she will only nap on me for a decent amount of time. Hopefully they just get better with a little time? I am dreading the four month sleep regression though!

At that age, I’d be working on the rule of 2 hours awake time maximum. If he’s showing signs of tiredness at 1.5 hours then put him down for a nap. An over tired baby will take longer to go to sleep - it’s counter intuitive but it’s what happens

My little one is 13 weeks, sometimes he’s awake for 2 hours. Sometimes 1 hour. I just go by his lead.

Don’t worry about the amount of times he naps etc. Just work on the magic 2 hour rule

This gradually increases the older they get, but you’ll be seeing his sleep cues.

You honestly will be able to go out again! Yes for a period of time you’ll be mentally doing baby sleep vs awake vs feed Maths/timings in your head to work out when you need to go but that gets less and less the older they get

Oh and I’m not going to lie...the 4 month sleep regression can be really tough - it was for my first.

But stick to your routine if it’s worked before. Do not change it!

Baby needs the routine so that once out the other side, it settles straight back down

Thank you willow4987. It's great to hear. I worry that he seems to be spending most of his time sleeping (plus the time it takes to get him to sleep for naps) that he doesn't have much awake time when he is happy and 'learning'. He also isn't interested in toys yet and doesn't reach out for things or smile at things other than myself or my husband. I'm not sure how best to encourage him to 'play' more.