Baby needs boob to sleep ALL night long

[AnnieM18]

Please help. I’m breastfeeding my 4.5 month old. He refuses a dummy and won’t/can’t take a bottle (gets very upset with a bottle and when he does drink any formula he seems very uncomfortable afterwards. HV thinks it’s reflux but he can’t hold down the reflux medication ). I would love to move him on to bottles but for now that doesn’t seem possible. He wants to be on the breast all day and all night. He won’t nap during the day or sleep at night unless he’s on the boob. So I barely get 10 minutes to myself during the day and I have to sit upright in bed all night while he uses me as his dummy. If he falls asleep, I try to put him down, but he’s awake within 5 minutes and wants the boob again. As soon as he gets it, he gets sleepy and cozy again. And the cycle goes on all night.

I don’t want to co-sleep. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it but it’s not something I’m personally comfortable with. However I am so so exhausted that something has to change. I also have a toddler who needs her mummy to have lots of energy but I’m barely functioning. Has anyone experienced this and managed to get baby on to a dummy at such a late age or found a successful way to break the habit of baby sleeping with the boob in the mouth all night?! I’m so desperate for sleep!!

It’s so hard isn’t it. You must be so tired. DS1 was like this, always wanted the boob, the minute I tried to move he woke.

In the end we brought a larger bed, we were desperate for sleep, he slept with me till he was 7mth and then we successfully moved him into the cot in his room, which was a lot easier than we thought it would be.

I hope someone comes along with more practical advice.

Thank you so much. That helps to know you managed to move DS1 into a cot of his own. One of my worries with cosleeping is that we would never manage to get him into a cot but this gives me hope. Thank you for your kind words of support x

Have you tried different shaped dummies?
There are some that are very naturally shaped eg tomee tippee ones x

I have a similar experience! Gave up and slept with DS, we had a mattress on the floor in his bedroom. It was actually less drama than I thought it would be getting him into his cot. Then there was a while where one of us would have to sit by his cot until he was asleep but by about 18 months he was fine to kiss goodnight and leave. He’s brilliant at going to bed at 5, never any messing. I think this is partly because he’s never been frightened or sad at bedtime we did everything his pace.

Sorry for the essay it’s just that I worried so so much when he was little that I was completely making a rod for my own back and I’d never get a full night’s sleep when actually it sorted itself out pretty quickly!

I completely agree with @Roselilly36 , mine were exactly the same, but I know how exhausting it is at the time. And sometimes you just need your body to yourself for a bit x

I feel for you, i couldn't co sleep even though I tried, it's bloody hard and my 16 month old is still a boob monster but it does get easier. I went from feeding constantly at night, to being in a next to me crib, feeding to sleep until 2 months ago and my husband rocked her to sleep and I managed to get her to sleep with out feeding her tonight! Massive win for me so there is light at the end of tunnel. Your little one will be going through a big development leap at the moment and will want the best comforter they know which unfortunately is boob. Do whatever you can to get some sleep, it's the worst torture. If you can co sleep and it works for you both do so, my friend has a a 16 month old and has recently transitions her daughter form co sleeping to a cot bed so that can be done too.

Muchos biscuits, tea and support

Thank you ladies!! It’s so good to know that others have gone through this and come out the other end! And also that baby eventually went into a cot. I think I’ll have to co-sleep just for some rest, even though I’m anxious about it, and trust that DS will eventually be comfortable in his own bed without being on me all night. My first baby loved the cot and feel asleep independently from a very young age without any sleep training so this is all new to me and I’ve been worrying if I co-slept, I’d end up with a 5 year old in my bed! Thanks all of you for sharing your experiences.

@bookish83 I’ve tried every dummy i can find to buy and he hates them all despite my perseverance!

That sounds a good plan. I was lucky and had an amazing midwife, who I used to see from time to time, she said to wait until DS1 was 7mts to do the sleep training, as she said babies don’t remember otherwise.

We picked a weekend when we didn’t have much going on, expecting a big upset and lots of tears, his & mine. We put him in the cot, left the room he cried for 30 seconds or so, then slept. We were amazed, he settled well every night after that.

So please don’t worry it won’t be forever, but I can remember how exhausted I was. Dummies didn’t work for us either.

I hope you have a better day & a better nights sleep

4 months is often the start of a big sleep development phase and really intense and exhausting. But it does pass. Co sleeping and breastfeeding lying down might seem like defeat, but in reality it is what gets a lot if people through it, and doesn’t mean you will still be doing it in 3 years, or even 3 months. Switching to formula, early introduction of solids, sleep training are all not good solutions to improve a baby’s sleep at this age, however tempting or whatever your well meaning relative or friend says. In the uk we have so much pressure to force our babies to sleep and feed in certain ways before they are developmentally ready, which causes so much more stress for everyone. Look up BASIS online. Studies on normal infant sleep behaviour and lots of evidence-based info, might give you some reassurance that co sleeping is not an unsafe or unusual thing to do. Focus on how to make this phase more manageable for you rather than how to change the baby’s behaviour.

Thank you so much @Roselilly36 hoping for some sleep tonight with him beside me x

@notaskingforafriend you’re right about 4 months being a huge development leap and often a time for sleep regression but DS has never slept unless he’s on me so I fear it’s not just temporary with him. However I understand what you mean about waiting until he is ready to sleep independently and that’s what i’ll do. Co-sleep to get through this period and wait for it to pass naturally or until I think he’s ready. Thank you.

Stop breastfeeding at night

Hope you had a better night OP. Ignore the last message about stop breastfeeding at night. It's up to you what you want to do, how long you want to do it for and if you want to change anything. It's not as simple as just saying stop.

@OP

Hope you are having some ok nights. My baby is a but younger than yours and though we are not having the same issue, its blooming hard with a baby.

I never knew dummies came in different shapes and sizes until 3 months ago... my mind was blown!

My DS was like this. We ending up co-sleeping so at least I could lie down and feed/sleep at the same time. It was lovely, but didn’t solve him wanting the boob all the time, in fact he wanted it more. In the end I gave him a dummy which took a lot of perseverance! But once he took it, his sleep was transformed. He’d nap during the day in his cot, and he’d sleep in his cot at night. Within a few days he’d adjusted to waking only twice per night for a feed (from 12 times on the worse nights when co-sleeping). Then at 6 months slept through. My energy levels/state of mind improved massively. For me, the dummy was a saviour. Might be worth another try? Good luck, I hope you and DS get some more sleep.

My DS was just as you describe. At 5.5 months I co slept as went back to work and couldn’t cope with being up most of the night too! Things have been fine since. I fed to sleep then placed in cot and once awake in the night, brought him in my bed. Now at 15 months we’ve had several nights where he’s slept through and has pretty much stopped feeding at night. I never thought we’d get to this stage, especially last year when I was so sleep deprived and stressed about it! I personally don’t believe it’s creating bad habits, it’s doing what your tiny baby needs you to do until they are ready to move to the next stage. It will happen! Good luck, it’s so tough having a non sleeper, you have to do whatever you can!

@MilkLady02 thanks so much. So good to know that things have totally changed for you!! I need to hear that to get me through at the minute.

@princessbear80 I will keep trying the dummy. I’ve tried every type I can buy and he rejects them all. Maybe I need to really really persevere and try more than a few times a day to get him to take it. Was there a trick or it or did you just keep trying? My first took a dummy and I think that made a massive difference to sleep and why she was a good sleeper Thank you x