Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

Flip

Original poster

Controlled Crying - how do you do it? Urgent for tonight!!!!

17 replies

WidgetWB · 09/10/2004 17:49

Please can someone tell me how to do controlled crying. I have asked so many people how to sort out child and they all say controlled crying yet no one can tell me how to do it or what you are supposed to do. It is now almost 6pm and he goes to bed at 7 - please can someone respond as soon as possible so we can start it tonight before I go bonkers with lack of sleep. Thank you in advance.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

joanneg · 09/10/2004 17:52

I think that it is to put the child to bed (following nice relaxed routine). If they cry, leave them for five minutes, then go in and say "it is bed time darling", lay them down again and leave. The next time they cry, wait 10 minutes before going in. Then extend the time until they are asleep.
Very effective. Remember you are not hurting them and when they cry it is probably out of frustration

joanneg · 09/10/2004 17:53

sorry wasnt very clear - extend the time in five minute intervals. good luck

nailpolish · 09/10/2004 17:58

hi widget please dont worry. this worked for me! i extended it by 2-3 min intervals, starting at 10 min s then 12 14 16 etc. its really hard at first but it does work. when you go into pick baby up just cuddle, dont make a fuss. sometimes just stroking their head and not even picking them up is enough too. loads of good luck xxxxxxx

nailpolish · 09/10/2004 18:00

let us know how you get on

Original poster

WidgetWB · 09/10/2004 18:03

Sorry can I just check - put him down, he'll sleep for an hour or so, then five mins after he starts crying I go in and give him a cuddle check he is ok, nappy etc, and then put him down again, still crying, then seven minutes later I go in again and do teh same till he sleeps? Is that right? And then I do the same every time he cries all through the night? We had I think 7 wake ups last night and only for a cuddle - getting very annoying after 6 weeks (had a cold and two teeth in the middle though!) but now he has learnt that he cries and we come and rock him back to sleep - which I really can't cope with. He used to sleep through the night and suddenly with no warning is being horrendous! Please can you just confirm that that is right.

Also - do I do the same the next night or do I increase the intervals by a bigger jump?

Do I do the same at lunch time sleep to? Am assuming that the day sleeps will improve when the night sleeps do?

OP posts:

hmb · 09/10/2004 18:07

I started with 2 minutes and increased the wait be 2-3 minutes each time. Use a clock and if you can have someone with you to help, otherwise you may well dash in without waiting, I know that I would have.

My two both had it at about 10 -12 months . The longest we went was about 20 minutes . It took a week with dd and about two with ds. They both now sleep all night.

It does work, as long as the baby is old enough and you can be strong. It isn't easy but it is worth it for your sanity and your babe's sleep!

Good luck.

hmb · 09/10/2004 18:08

Oh and as soon as they stop crying, say goodnight and leave calmly.

foxinsocks · 09/10/2004 18:09

yes, I think you are supposed to gradually increase the interval you go in until they eventually fall asleep.

Just a warning, I found me going in to mine (and this was years ago) made them more hysterical so if you find that he is getting more wound up by you going in, it may be better to just leave him crying. But definitely try the kinder way first!

Twiglett · 09/10/2004 19:15

Sorry but you don't talk to a child when doing controlled crying .. the trick is to make it as boring as possible for them

I copied this over from here

Why and how does it work?
Your consistent bedtime routine should go something like this: at the same time each night, put your baby into their cot awake, read a short story, tuck them down, give a quick kiss, say 'Goodnight' in a firm voice and leave the room. When they wake, tuck him back in, but don't pick them up or give cuddles, don't talk or smile at them. Walk out. If they have not settled after three to five minutes, repeat the above procedure. Keep repeating this with longer time intervals until he settles to sleep. It works because your night visits are boring for the baby, so they learn that it's not worth the effort of crying and making a fuss. Research has also found that when mothers used controlled crying, symptoms of postnatal depression were reduced, so you also cry less! The controlled crying technique represents a move away from the child-centred 'everything on demand' psychology in vogue a few years ago. Once your child is sleeping for longer periods you regain control. Parents and infants are more awake during the day and everyone is less stressed and irritable.

HTH

Twiglett · 09/10/2004 19:16

BTW when I did controlled crying .. I didn't ... I went straight for the 'go on sweetie cry as long as you can then, I'm still going to ignore you because I know you're perfectly safe and its a battle of wills, and your father is holding me back anyway " approach (although that's too long a title)

good luck widget

mrsflowerpot · 09/10/2004 19:19

Bit late for tonight but we bought this book when ds was about 6 months old. Have bought it for 3 friends since! It really spells out the controlled crying method and talks about when it is and isn't appropriate to do it, whether your child is ready for it etc etc. It's good too for preparing you for the whole thing as it is a bit horrible to start with.

Original poster

WidgetWB · 09/10/2004 19:24

Thank you all so so much, especially Twiglett - thank you for that website too, looks like it has some very good information. I have put him down firmly although didn't read a story (he is very good at going down its just the after bit that goes wrong now!) My husband and I have decided that together we will sit this out as it will be better in the long run. We really need to get him back into his old routine as he is so miserable during the day because he is so tired, and therefore his sleeps/eating etc are all out of sink!

I will report in the morning how it goes!

Thank you again everybody.

OP posts:

Original poster

WidgetWB · 09/10/2004 19:26

Twiglett - did it work? I was going to do that one but everyone said that controlled crying was the one to do first to see if it worked?! How long did it take yours to stop?

OP posts:

mummytojames · 09/10/2004 20:33

widget i hope thing are working for you were doing cc at the moment and i know its a killer what were doing is putting ds in the cot saying its ok its noight time now time for sleepy and then just sit in the same room as him dont talk to him or even show that you realise hes there but he knows hes ok because we are there and just stay there until he goes to sleep

zaphod · 09/10/2004 21:42

I did cc with ds who is now 14 months, at the end of August. We persevered for 6 days with no improvement, but finally it worked. However, the day-time nap we had NO success with, so I gave up and instead of feeding him to sleep, put him in the buggy and rocked it.

I intended to then use cc for nap-times but still haven't gotten around to it. Good Luck, it really is worth it in the end.

alibo · 10/10/2004 09:31

widgetwb, sorry haven't got any advice about cc, am a new mum, but can sympathise with you, as we have had disturbed nights recently with ds. His is more food related though, but lack of sleep is the worst thing, especially when its every night. Jst wondered how you had got on last night?

Original poster

WidgetWB · 10/10/2004 21:35

Sorry its taken me so long to update on last nights performance! Thank you all for your advice, all of which was very helpful and kind.

He didn't wake till 4am which was wonderful because at least we got a big chunk of sleep, but when he did wake I woke up, looked at the clock so that I could go up after five/ten mins and the next time I looked up it was an hour later and he had stopped very quickly himself. He pretty much went in and out of sleep, very noisely between 4 and 7am and each time I woke up and looked at the clock, but at least I didn't have to get out of bed! I have absolutely no doubt that it will all kick off again and we will have to do it for sure, but last night was quite good for a change! I just don't know what makes him so restless between 4am and 7am and why he has to do it so noisly, but honestly I would rather that than be up all night.

Disaster - as I type 9.30 - he is awake and crying so here we go - watch this space for tomorrow!

OP posts:

Flip