Please I need some support I am losing my mind

[Squirelbanana]

I've posted here before and noone wrote back. But tonight I just need someone to say something to keep me going.
My dd 4months is going through sleep regression/changes/evolution /whatever.
We have done everything to try and help her along, even weaned her off dummy for the past few days.
She wakes every 2h and last night every hour, crying bloody murder and nothing would console her but breastfeeding her.
Today she has screamed in my ear as I hold and rock her for 20 min now. Same as the last nap. Nothing I do consoles her she screams herself purple and I try to keep my composure calm to not set her off even more. I am really struggling. Husband had to take over both times as my head is ringing from her screaming in my ear as I try to console her.
Please tell me anything, even if it's a lie, as I feel like all the steps, tricks, techniques and schedules are just not getting there and they take so much out of me. Last night was the worst and putting her to sleep today has been horrible. I feel like we are doing CIO as she just cries no matter what I do. It is horrible to not be able to console your child and I feel like a terrible mum.

It's hard Can you get her checked for an ear infection? Mine had one as a baby and was symptomless apart from awful sleep.

Can you cosleep and feed laying down?
Is she teething or in pain? (Not saying this is entirely correct but sometimes if I don't know what's going on with mine a dose of calpol helps)
Have you a sling? Could you/your partner take her for a walk?
Does she like baths? Sometimes putting them in warm water calms them down and gives them something else to think about.
This is probably bad parenting but there's a YouTube video (search for stop baby crying) of moving red and black dots which my youngest quite liked.

Second cosleeping and feed lying down. This saved my sanity 100%

Not sure if weaning off dummy at such a young age is worth it??

Could she have reflux?

Otherwise solidarity - it is absolutely brutal but IT WILL PASS. You can do it and you are not a bad mum at all.

Cosleep 100%

Do whatever you can to get through and don't worry about creating bad habits. My LO improved for a week at 5 months then regressed again until 6 months but then started sleeping really well. He now at 6.5 months wakes once or twice a night for a feed.

This article should give you hope that it will end soon
sarahockwell-smith.com/2013/08/29/help-my-4-5-month-old-is-sleeping-like-a-newborn-again-aka-as-the-4-5-month-old-babies-from-hell/

Can I get you a cup of tea?

It's bloody shit and no one will understand this, not even close family.

I had one like this. Every two hours he woke for months on end. He had reflux. Have you looked into that? Silent reflux is the same but without the constant vomit (not without the crying unfortunately...)

My crying baby is now my world. He is eight. He is beautiful inside and out. He makes me laugh every day. He is deep too. He cares too much and is incredibly sensitive. He never gives up. He is the most determined (stubborn) person I have ever met. The world needs this boy.

It's hard to help someone from the other side of the sleepless nights. What can I say?
Be kind to yourself.
Except help from your partner and get some proper respite from it.
Watch her while she is asleep and know that you are the most important person in the world to her.
Know that you will join me on the other side. Might not be today or tomorrow but soon you will wake up to find she has slept through.

You have got this.

I would give the dummy back if it comforts her. Feed lying down if you can, it will pass. It’s horrible being in the middle of it but rest as much as you can whilst she’s asleep, but know that you will come out of the other side soon.

Awww that’s a very lovely post from @SummerHouse! What she said!

I can honestly say I’ve never suffered trauma like the first year of my first child’s life. It really is horrific at times. I’m not as far out the other side to be able to post as eloquently as that, but it does pass, does get better. I promise. All the hugs

@SummerHouse wish you'd been around when I was being put through the mill! (Mine's 8 too and exactly the same - must be something about non sleepers)

You got this mama. My second was terrible (now diagnosed asc). In all honesty though both dc as babies cried a lot and just when you think you have it sussed something else changes so what worked before doesn't. I give another vote for cosleeping under the right circumstances. You can do this, being a mum is tough so be kind to yourself, you are still your babys whole world💐

So sorry OP, my first was a terrible sleeper - lots of sympathy here. If it were me, I'd give a dose of calpol, warm bath, bit of baby massage / bicycle legs (in case it's wind), into pjs then offer breast. Keep going for as long as she wants. Either get comfy on the sofa and watch telly or set up for safe co-sleeping so you can doze. Hopefully she will drop off after the calpol kicks in and some milk. If she is still crying try very loud white noise - louder than you'd think. Don't beat yourself up. Don't worry about bad habits and rods for backs. Just do whatever works. And you are NOT a terrible mother. You'll get through this.

You and your survival matter.

You must be on the lookout/consult Health Visitor or GP in case there’s a medical cause but also do what you need to do to cope like dummy if it helps and earplugs or ear defenders which at least reduce the piercing torture.

Sleep in the daytime whenever possible. Exhaustion and stress is contributing to you feeling like a terrible mum.

My qualification is a 6 year old who has had serious sleep problems from birth at 31 weeks (doesn’t sound similar, just to reassure you) so I really do know about the pain of screaming in the middle of the night. Last night I had screaming and running about in apparent distress while he was still asleep (sleep walking combined with night terrors).

I’m saying this to cheer you up, please accept my deepest apologies if it doesn’t 💐

My friends little girl was like this turned out to be a milk allergy, maybe something to do with that?

Thanks everyone for your support.
The dummy is a long story, but basicaly we gave it to her 3-4 weeks ago just for falling asleep during a nursing strike. It doesn't settle her most of the time and it never settles her in night wakings. So we just had to do away with it as it was reinforcing the suck to sleep and she would wake up with her mouth like a piranha but the dummy wouldn't cut it. Anyway, we've done away with it for a few days and replaced it with lots of cuddles.
@JesusInTheCabbageVan I think you are spot on, I never thought of an ear infection. She has been pulling at her ears vigorously the past day or so. We thought it was itchy skin or tired but she's also been coughing a bit and having a slight stuffy nose.
She just woke up from her night sleep twice in 10 min( too much even for her) pulling at her years. I think it might be that. Don't know if I can call NHS 24 with such a small thing rn, it will have to wait till morning I think. She doesn't have fever, just gave her a bit of calpol (she spat most of it out tbh) to see if it relieves her if she's sore in the ears.
She is not a crying baby, very rarely and almost never like tonight. She seems extremely unsettled in her sleep ( I am looking at her rn) so I am starting to think she is poorly.
Thank you all for your advice, I am too terrified of SIDS to cosleep unfortunately, I would not get any sleep like that I don't think. Husband is also against it as well (no offence to anyone who does it, if it works for you)
Will take it a day at a time.
Lockdown doesn't help either and my family is from abroad so we only have husbands very small family here in the UK.

It might be the start of teething. My daughter teethed around this age. Also have you tried infacol with feeds? It sounds like wind or reflux as another suggested. I've been there when my daughter was a newborn and it is absolutely awful. Xx

Ear pulling is teething. If it was an infection she’d almost certainly have a fever, especially if it’s gone on for this long.

For the screaming when you’re trying to settle her, I seriously recommend ear plugs and noise cancelling headphones. You’re still responding to her and giving her comfort, no need for you to hear the wailing at full volume right in your ear! I found this helped me stay a lot calmer when DD was really yelling.

Oh op this stage is so tough

My DS1 was like this at the 4 month regression. It does pass eventually!

We had the pulling at ears (he does this when tired), screaming etc. The only way he’s sleep once calm was on me so we had a few weeks of co sleeping for the second part of the night. Once we’d gone through the regression he happily went back into his own bed

Just to say when we co slept, DH wasn’t in the bed as I was too uncomfortable with this. I also put myself in the c position around DS so I couldn’t roll onto him.

I hope you're not still up OP, but if you are, just some solidarity and hugs! Of course you're anything but a bad mum! It WILL get better. Do whatever works now because your baby is still tiny. Plenty of time for routines or sleep training etc further down the line. With mine co-sleeping and lying down to feed saved my sanity but lots of other good suggestions above. I'm awake because of pregnancy insomnia so I'll probably be tearing my hair out all over again in a few weeks myself! It's all worth it in the end.

Ok...I don't know what this was, but the sleep gods have heard me. Dd woke up only at 11pm, 4am and 7 up for the day 😲
She has never slept so much.
We only gave her a little calpol around 8-9 and she spat out most of it. We put some saline drops in her nose at 11pm as well as she was breathing not well. Don't know if that helped her?
Could be teething as she produces buckets of saliva and chewes her hands non stop.
I know with my luck, this will be a glitch and she will never sleep like this again for years.
But I am grateful for this night sleep as it couldn't come at a better time! 😴

It definitely sounds like teething! Our go today are anbesol liquid and calpol or nurofen

She's been unhappy today as well, just quite unusual for her. She seems to have trouble swallowing, she is making a weird sound and she brakes off often while feeding. I think she has blocked nose/cold and I'm using some saline drops, air humidifier and cuddles. She just seems poorly, I think the sleep deprivation was making it harder for me to read the signs.
Fingers crossed she gets better soon and we maybe get a few more nights ok sleep to give us strength.
I really appreciate all the advice, it made me look at the situation with new eyes. We will be calling HV and maybe GP today.

Re co sleeping, it is just not for us, sorry. I know there are safe ways to do it but it doesn't feel like the right thing for us, we have considered the option several times.

Moving DH out of the bed would make us both miserable as well, we are quite attached and he helps anyway he can during the night ( moral support, settling baby, changing nappies, fetching this or that, waking at 6-7am and taking her into the other room for a couple h before work).

I wonder if she's got tonsillitis! Trouble swallowing etc xx

Does sound like teething. My DD didn't drool all that much but she pulled her ears and wanted lots of feeds, but the feeds didn't console her much. It'd always seem to bother her more at night! Calpol is the answer, even if most of it ends up on you! What would we do without it eh?

Ok, I decided to write an update as we have had some developments.
The night wakings have shifted towards improvement. From 6-7 feeds at night we had last night just 2😲 and for the past week between 3 and 4 most nights.
I don't know if what we were doing (bedtime and naptime routine, watching for awake windows, extending naps, using Huckleberry to track sleep, the Pantley pull out from the No cry sleep solution) did any good or DD just outgrew this stage after nearly 6 weeks of 2-1hourly wake ups.
What I think did make a change for the better is that we switched from Chico next to me magic to a nice big cotbed with a good sprung mattress. We took one side off and put it next to our bed like a side car.
From the first night in the cotbed DD slept much better. I think as she had become more mobile, turning to the side a lot to sleep, she was getting stuck at the sides of the chico next to me. Its mattresses is very thin and firm as well so the new proper one must feel really good to her (its still quite firm as is for a small baby). The chico crib also became tilted to one side due to the swing mechanism being slightly loose and would cause her to roll onto that side and get pressed against it and wake up.
So just wanted to write this incase anyone is looking for something else to try and improve sleep. I can see DD enjoys the bigger space and it lets her trash about in her sleep without hitting the sides.
She seems to do this weird thing now where she lifts her legs up and then thumps them down repeatedly between her sleep cycles. I think its how she "self soothes" or something as she didn't use to do it and now she does it every 45ish min through the night.
Best of wishes to all other bad sleep sufferers. Fingers crossed this keeps for us for a few more weeks atleast, before the next curveball 😅😅