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Sleep

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Original poster

did anyone else feel realy cruel while doing cc

29 replies

mummytojames · 09/10/2004 14:04

ds 13 months just got over being ill for a while but the illness has thrown his sleep out so decided to do cc what we do is bath him at six supper at six thirty play till seven thirty bottle then another play till eight then straight in his cot where we sit on the bed and read a book till he falls asleep it useualy (well only been doing it for three days day four tonight) only take less than a hour but in that time hes constantly standing up and calling me i tried laying him back down and saying its sleepy time now but that makes him worse so we basicaly got to ignore him and let him lie himself down and go to sleep with us just sitting there reading but the problem is its killing me every time he calls my name i just want to pick him up ad say everythings all right but i know its wrong so i just have to force myself to sit there and just say night james its sleepy time now
anyone else felt like this if so how long does it last because i dont think i can take it any more realy

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zebra · 09/10/2004 14:30

This is why I dont like CC, couldnt stick w/ it either. I don't like co-sleeping, either, but that (or anything, really) was a heck of a lot easier than CC.

jabberwocky · 09/10/2004 14:31

Sorry, no real advice here. Just couldn't do it.

hermykne · 09/10/2004 14:53

m2j we did it with dd, felt awful at bottom of stairs, but after a week/ 10 days of doing it, not rigidly, it worked, she then looked to go to bed and still does at 2.
its really hard but i now have a "go to bed for daytime and nighttime angel".

Original poster

mummytojames · 09/10/2004 14:59

we tried co sleeping that didnt work at all we tried for over a week before and as soon as we got into bed he would start beating the both of us up until we got out of bed by beat i mean he would kick and scream and either pull our hair or try and slap us across the face hard we also tried leaving the room but he cried to the point of making himself sick but on the bright side he is a much happier baby in the day now hes getting anough sleep so i guess i should be grateful for little miricles

OP posts:

snowmoon · 14/10/2004 14:02

Have you tried the pick up / put down method? It's mentioned in the No Cry Sleep Solution or Baby Whisperer book, can't remember which. I did it with my DS and it worked for us. Basically you pick baby up until he's calm, then put him down again. If he cries again you pick him up again and put him down again when he's calm. With my first attempt I had to repeat the procedure a few times before my DS would quiet and go to sleep and it was quite tiring, but after that he pretty much got used to the idea that when he's in his cot it's sleep time.

HTH.

aloha · 14/10/2004 14:32

It feels horrible, but for most children it does work and they are so much happier when they sleep well, you are happier and they love you just as much - honest. I thought of it as if they were crying because they couldn't have chocolate or wanted to put their finger in the electric socket - you wouldn't let them just because they were crying, would you? For me, I knew my son needed to sleep just as much as he needed proper food and love and cuddles, so that saw me through. MInd you, he was eight months so he couldn't call my name, which I'm sure makes it feel worse.

aloha · 14/10/2004 14:34

My son also refused to sleep with us. Still does. Chucks us out of his bedroom and says, 'Go on mummy, shut the door so I can have a nice quiet sleep'!

marthamoo · 14/10/2004 14:38

I couldn't do it with ds1 - and he was 3 before he slept through the night. But I am hardened now I have ds2 - I did it at 8 months and, apart from a recent blip, he has been a fantastic sleeper. During the blip he screamed and threw things about for a bit (he's almost 3 and in a bed now so I have to physically hold the door shut) then got into bed and sobbed..."Muu---uumy....I want a cuggle...pleeeeaseee!" and I still didn't go in. It only took one night and we were still friends the next morning.

If you can do it it does work - but I was incapable of doing it with ds1, so I do know how hard it is.

popsycal · 14/10/2004 14:40

I didnt do it until ds was 17 months old and it only took one night. About 5 minutes crying and that was it. I personally couldn't do it before that. It was a dream after that!

Now he is 2.2 and i just pop him in his cot, kiss goodnight, shut the door and that is him for then night.

Keep going!

prefernot · 14/10/2004 14:45

I don't think anyone enjoys doing it, mtj. It broke my heart the first time we did it when dd was 15 months old, but that was after a couple of months of no sleep and dd getting more and more tired and more and more frustrated with every other 'method' I tried. It worked very quickly the way we did it. One night was hell, the second hellish, the third much better then steadily over a week her sleep became as good as it had been before the problem started.

I can't quite work out if you are doing cc though from your thread? If you're sitting in the room with him then you aren't are you? Or maybe there's a version of it that I don't know.

Dd is 2 now and has never co-slept even when I've wanted her to! She doesn't 'beat me up' but she just can't settle with me or dp near her because she can't stop talking and having 'ideas.' It's quiet for about 30 seconds then she says 'mummy .. I know ... why don't we ...' and on it goes.

pixiefish · 14/10/2004 15:24

My dd is 8 1/2 months old and the hv has told me this morning that if I don't get the sleeping sorted between now and 1 year old i never will- she insisted on me doing cc. lovely to read your posts saying that some of your kids were much older when you sorted it. my hv told me I was making a rod for my own back- my answer was- my rod, my back.
have decided to fib the next time i see her and say that yes of course she sleeps all night
Am much encouraged after reading this

Bunglie · 14/10/2004 15:29

I did it, it is hard, but I denied mine the afternoon sleep and it was bath, play, bottle, bed and book with daddy at 6.30 to 7pm. It took about a week that's all and as they got older they knew the routine and they were in bed and asleep by 7.30. However I did not stay in the room after the storytime, I let them sit up in their cot and play or whatever,on their own with a night light on, but did not go in again until they were asleep and then straightened them out, put toys at the bottom and kissed them goodnight.
Goodluck.

Madelinesmum · 15/10/2004 22:24

Its really helpful hearing about other parents experiences. My baby is now 3 months old and likes to sleep in my bed. I breastfeed her to sleep at night before i go to bed and she usually sleeps through until 7 in the morning. However she now refuses to sleep in her cot. My friend recommended cc. I tried it monday night and she cried for nearly 3 hours! I gave in and picked her up and after a short cuddle she was asleep in my arms. I felt sooooo guilty. Do you think she was to young? I am not sure if I could go through that again, I spent most of the evening crying downstairs!

pixiefish · 15/10/2004 22:26

From what I can gather but I may be wrong- I don't think you're meant to do cc until they're about 8 months minimum HTH

Spod · 15/10/2004 22:37

cc shouldnt be done before 6 months minimum so i gather.... but i wouldnt do it then either.. my dd is one, and i cant bring myself to do it... she goes to bed fine though now.. with dad... but we have had a year of trying to get a good bedtime routine sorted and have concluded that its impossible at this age! I have never done cc.... it doesnt feel right for us, but many find it very useful. Someone said to me that if i couldnt be sure that i could do cc, then i shouldnt do it as it isnt fair on baby to give in after they have already been crying for ages as they wont understand what it was all for.

OldieMum · 15/10/2004 22:37

There was a thread on this recently, but I'll say the same thing here. Please don't do this to a baby. I spent time this summer reading about brain development in young babies. When they are very stressed, as in a prolonged episode of crying, their systems are flooded with cortisol. The more often they get stressed, the more cortisol they produce per episode. Children who are less stressed in general release less cortisol when they do experience stress. These stress responses seem to be fixed by about 6 months. High reactivity to stress seems to be related to behavioural problems in later childhood, adolescence and adulthood.

TeriS · 15/10/2004 22:45

Not sure if it helps. We did CC with DS, and was really hard, but he goes to bed with no problems (he's nearly 2 now). We just do bedtime story, bottle, and staight to bed and out of the room. I think it helped that he understood what was 'expected' of him at bed-time, and that we wouldn't give in (he can be a bit feisty .

We've also never allowed him to come into bed with us (except twice when he's been ill in the night, and that was only until he calmed down).

Good luck, hope you can sort it out.

harrassedmum · 15/10/2004 23:00

Hi, i also used CC when dd was just over a year old, i had tried many times before and failed miserably because i kept giving up, which im sure made things worse cos she must have always been thinking 'she's gonna give up and pick me up soon', but eventually i did it, she cried for hours, but the next night she cried for only a short time and the night after she went to sleep with no worries. And she slept 2hrs in the day instead of the usual 30 mins. The only other thing i could suggest is, could you change the routine, so that you have play ealier then bath and wind down time? Could it be that your ds is still a bit excitable?

pixiefish · 15/10/2004 23:06

Oldiemum- Hi- I'm totally thick but what is cortisol adn what is the function of it? Only asking cos I'm fed up of people telling me that dd SHOULD be going through the night now (8 1/2months) and that I should train her to go to sleep on her own. I've been more of the Penelope Leach school of thought and dh and I agree that to change it now would be unfair on both myself and dd.
Our thinking is that because i attend to her needs/ don't let her cry longer than a couple of minutes then when she's older adn able to understand reason I'll be able to reason with her because she trusts me... if you can see where I'm going.
I'm not saying that this will work and I'm not criticising anyone else's parenting BUT my NEW hv has upset me the other day and I do want something othewr than my instinct to throw back at those that criticise me.

harrassedmum · 15/10/2004 23:16

You shouldnt be made to feel what you are doing is wrong pixiefish, youre obviously doing what is best for you

goosey · 15/10/2004 23:26

There's a lot to be said for instinct. Trust it and don't be afraid to stand by it. No-one - not even a hv can argue against it.

jamiesmom · 15/10/2004 23:27

I couldn't do it, gave up after 1 hour so you've done better than me. ds falls asleep bf now or i take him up and lie him down in our bed and he falls to sleep after about 15 mins. i try not to get him exited by playing half hour before taking him up as he's all hyper if he goes straight to bed and won't settle for about 1 hour

jamiesam · 15/10/2004 23:33

Hmmm
Absolutely don't agree with anyone being bullied into doing cc or similar to get baby to sleep through the night. If you have a crappy hv, or feel pressure from where friends are at with their babies - just ignore them and think about what works for you.
Do agree that cc is very hard - being a complete wimp myself, I left it completely to my dh. When ds1 was 6mths (and I had done all the nights since I was bf), dh did cc with ds1 and within 2 nights, ds1's night waking problem was resolved. Having said that, we never had major problem with bedtime itself.
Looking back, cc is cruel to be kind. Even now, ds1 at 3 yr old needs a nap during the day, but we've gone through phases when he's tried to deny that he needs a nap. So I'd have a very ineffectual fight with him, give in, and then he'd winge for the rest of the day - or fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Never actually heard of anyone cc for daytime nap. Never really wanted to make bedroom a war zone once night time sleeping sorted.
But honestly don't think I could have waited until ds1 was old enough to reason with as others suggest. God knows when that will be - age 20?

jamiesam · 15/10/2004 23:38

Blimey, Jamiesmom (great name by the way!), you remind me of the sheer number of times that I fed ds2 to sleep - used to lie us down on my bed and let him bf until he nodded off. Felt like I was his dummy or soother. Also felt terribly worried that I was making a rod for my own back. Worrying needlessly - even nursery now comment on how he settles himself to sleep.

jamiesmom · 16/10/2004 11:29

jamiesam - like your name too, i'm glad someone else has got ds off too sleep bf them, i feel like a dummy too at times but it works for jamie so i'll continue, he's 1 tomorrow though so not sure how much longer i'll be bf for. glad your ds get himself to sleep now thats a comforting thought. maybe i am doing the right thing, i do wonder sometimes.

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