How do I get baby to sleep in his crib?

[WillyMilly]

Hello!

Looking for some tips to get 9.5 week old to move from sleeping on my chest to his own side-crib...

We've had problems breastfeeding from the get-go and he's always refused the breast so I'm now having to pump twice in the night and feed him while trying not to wake him while he sleeps on my chest. If he's awake while I pump he goes crazy! Suffice to say it's been a while since I've had even a whiff of a decent nights sleep and I'm struggling to see a way out of this routine. I've tried swaddling/pacifier/feeding to sleep and it works for a while but recently he's been waking up and the only thing to settle him has been having to dance around my bedroom for hours and then go back to him sleeping on my chest! I know he's still really young but would like to try and ease him in to some new habits while it might be easier?

Thanks v much in advance

Firstly, it sounds like you're doing a great job doing this

What's DS like after a feed, is there any discomfort? Often this can contribute to not wanting to lie down on their back or more settled after a dance to move wind or other discomfort.

What pump are you using? Could you invest in a quieter one just to make life easier the elvie is expensive but gets amazing reviews

Could you try bed sharing as a medium rather than jumping from chest to crib?

Oh wow, pumping twice a night sounds so hard.

I too am having breastfeeding issues with my 4 week old (waiting for tongue tie procedure as he’s latching poorly so unsettled for feeds). I can’t get mine in the lovely cosleeper cot I bought either. However, this isn’t my first baby and the lesson I learned from the other one is to prioritise sleep!!! So I’m co-sleeping for the moment (following safe cosleeping advice). I definitely wouldn’t be cosleeping out of choice but just now it means my baby settles more easily.

As someone from a different generation can I tell you what we all used to do fifty years ago? You will all be horrified but babies develop habits very quickly. My suggestion is that if you know the baby has been fed and changed you put him in his crib and leave him to cry. He will soon go to sleep and next time he will cry for less time and then he will just accept the crib and go to sleep. I know you will all ‘shout’ at me but it works. Mother’s need their sleep too.

Thanks for you messages! I use two separate Medela hand pumps so I always have a clean one and I have an Elvie as well. The hand pumps are really effective and silent but won't completely drain me- I can get about 4-5oz off in about 15-20mins. I thought the Elvie was going to be a total game changer and it's amazing when it works but it's far from a perfected technology unfortunately. There can be a lot of faffing about with parts before I can get a good seal and it's very leaky but I can get 6-8oz off. The only trouble with the baby is putting him down so I can do it or being able to do it before he wakes for a feed.

Chest sleeping is very normal so don't worry about that. My midwife suggested warming the cot sheet and that sometimes helped. Obviously do not let baby get warm or leave a hot water bottle in with them at any time!!

I do think he suffers from bad wind- I've tried everything- gripe water, infacol, burping during and after feeds.... goooooodness it's all so exhausting! He's also started to click at his bottle which he never did with the no1 slow flows. I've had him checked by a specialist for tongue tie and she said it all looked good! The little mite is usually a v happy smiley baby but when it comes to feeding he goes from a zero- ten v v quickly. Just offering him the breast will more often than not send him into melt down so I'm struggling to get passed that issue. I do appreciate the 'cry it out' method might work well for some but DS gets so upset, rasping, coughing and losing his little voice. It absolutely breaks my heart!

You are doing amazing it is early days and it will settle at some point. Think the main change to try and make is hetting him to settle in his crib so you are free to pump or sleep. Can u put him half in and sway him or keep patting him so he knows yr there or can yr partner have him whilst u pump?

Sleep in the daytime to catch up

Are you saying he's upset when fed?

A lot of people swear by the Dr Brown's bottles with the air flow thing in to help reduce air. They look really old school but apparently great.

I was always terrible at support wind.. I found walking up stairs with ds against me used to help (random). Then there's wind in the gut that needs to come out the other end, the I love you massage is good for this.. have a look on you tube. Just leave a gap after a feed.

You've also got things like silent reflux where there No sicky stuff but same pain too.

Don't worry too much about it though, call your health visitor to talk it through

Whilst I’m tempted by ‘just leave them’ (genuinely) I second the poster who said is there a middle ground. My 9 week old usually goes down in side cot at the same time I go to bed, when he wakes for the 3am I bring him alongside me to feed and snuggle him in and doze.

Yeah i guess the main trouble is his feeding. Breast feeding has been a slog and pretty much gone out the window now.. I've tried everything under the sun to try and make some progress but he's just so unhappy at the boob, every week I think it's something else. Perhaps undiagnosed tongue tie because he refuses a deep latch and has blisters along his lips and clicks at the bottle which are tell tale signs. So he has the bottle and gets terrible wind- the dr browns bottles sounds like a good shout, I've seen them recommended on other posts. I just hope he grows out of it soon! Thanks for all the suggestions!

Is there a reason you've not pursued getting the tongue tie snipped? It's quick and fairly painless.

Co sleeping safely is preferable to you becoming so exhausted you risk falling asleep in an unsafe position.

I co slept and gradually introduced pram and then side sleeper cot for sleep. LO is 5 months now and will most of the time spend most of the night on her own mattress. Often have to bring her in with me from 4am and feed back to sleep because that's not a reasonable getting up time..!

What I'm trying to say is, 9.5 weeks is very young still. Baby sleep is a marathon not a race, train gradually as baby is ready and be prepared for "set backs".

I had him checked by a lactation consultant when I was getting help with BFing and she didn't find anything but I think it might be one of those less obvious tongue ties perhaps. It's a bit more complicated to get it checked out these days but I'll look into having him checked again.

I always make sure we're safe in bed. I sleep on my own in the middle of a king size bed with bolster pillows so he's totally secure. I need to look into proper co-sleeping, to be honest I don't really know what that means!! Hard not having anyone about to talk to about these things.

Do you have a partner around with lockdown, so you can get a nap in the day? Or that the baby can sleep on for a bit in the evening and you go to bed early? It's brutal, some babies will only sleep on people. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, they don't know they don't need protection from lions.

I've been there and just wanted to say you will get there OP! Warming the sheet slightly (I just lay with the sheet under me for a bit before hand), having the cot tipped slightly at one end to begin with and then once DD settled putting it flat (baby shouldn't be left on anything tilted) and also holding dds hand once she was down really helped. That or a hand lightly pressed on her chest, mimics them being on you I think.

Lullaby trust are the best place to check for safe sleeping Inc Co sleeping guidance. Lots of useful info

If you’re not already, I would first of all consider combined feeding (ie some formula) so you can leave off pumping in the night! That sounds dreadful! It’s great you’ve breastfed some or all so far and great if you’re really happy to continue but I know for our family it was most important that DD sleep independently so mum and dad could be functioning human beings and good parents. I think with the cot you just need to keep trying and i’d maybe start with day time naps, and give yourself a small goal. Mine was for DD to go to sleep by herself in the cot. Even if she woke up after 10 mins and we ended up slinging her, I kept focused that the goal was her falling asleep in the cot (starting with patting and shushing and no picking up). After about a week she was taking most naps in there. It did really help having both parents working together on it, if she’d just screamed the house down it made it much easier for me to keep trying knowing I could hand off to DH When it was too much.

A few things that I’d be thinking if I was you (and have with both my DS’)

• colic - maybe look at different bottles
• warm the sheet with a hot water bottle
• put one of your t shirts under the sheet
• co sleep safetly in the bed (if you’re comfortable to do so)
• introduce a bottle of formula if you want to do so. I know it doesn’t work for all babies but it’s worked on both of my sons and they always slept a little better on it

Also...you’re doing great! Totally normal for him to sleep on you at this age. You won’t make a rod for your own back. He’s a tiny baby who just wants his mother. Please don’t worry! Both my sons slept on me for some time or another and both of them sleep in their own beds now (granted the youngest still has a cuddle some nights but he’s only 12 weeks)

Sorry for slight hijack but @PippaPegg please could you elaborate on your gradual shift? My little fella is nearly 11 weeks and I have been bedsharing, which works well at night at the moment but he will only nap in the sling or on me so being able to sleep in the alongside cot would be helpful. Was wondering if the pram might work as a halfway house but we've not used it since he was tiny and the last time he screamed a lot!

@Willow4987 thanks so much for the tips! Heating up his cot sounds like a great idea. I'll give it a go