How to settle 1 year old to sleep

[Mummysarah12]

My LO has always settled to sleep on me. I know it’s one of the bad habit things but it never bothered me as she is pretty good sleeping through the night. Recently she has been fighting going to sleep, taking ages to settle & I think it is because she is too big to fall asleep on me now she struggles to get comfortable. I have tried putting in the cot to settle her but she fusses & messes around. Can anyone advice on any good routine to get her settled in the cot? She doesn’t seem to have the “drowsy but awake” state I keep hearing about...
TIA x

Put her down close to you and slowly so try bending her down as close to you at the same time as putting her in the cot if you know what I mean? Chat in a soothing voice there we go nice and snuggled 😂 it sounds such a cliche but when they're just put down in the cot straight away it's a shock to them. Do it gradually. No wonder I've got a stiff back 😂

We're having similar problems. She's nearly 14 months. Been in her cot since 8 weeks old but always refused to nap in it. Now refusing to sleep at all in the cot. Will only sleep in her rocker/ bouncer. She had her mmr 10 days ago and for the last week won't sleep at all in the cot. Wakes up immediately when put in it. I used to be able to walk out of the room when her eyes were still open and she was in the cot!!

I feel like I've failed. And it means any evenings with my husband are now gone again as one of us stays with her when she's in the bouncer to ensure she doesn't somehow fall out.

Help!!!!

@physicskate can your try her in a pushchair rather than a rocker? I've also got a nearly 14 month old and until he was 12 months he did all of his naps in his bouncer chair but slept in his cot at night. Then he started to climb out of the chair but refused to go in the cot for naps. Our temp solution back in march was to strap him into the pushchair and given we haven't been anywhere (and have two pushchairs) we've ended up keeping one in his room for naps. He doesn't require rocking to sleep though, he just prefers to be upright and like you we've always been able to just put him in and leave him to self settle from a very young age. Now he's going through a phase of being very attention seeking at night (we think) and taking ages to settle, mainly because he cries every time we leave the room and drops toys etc on the floor and cries until we come back in...

She's never slept in her pushchair. Not even on really long walks. She's a right madam about sleep and always has been.

We've recently been getting 3-4 hour stretches from her. I still be at night. Until she was one, we rarely had more than a two hour stretch...

I tried holding her and rocking in her nursing chair, sitting with her and laying her down after sitting up, singing her nighttime song, white noise. She doesn't even really need rocking in the bouncer. But she's far too big for it and I'm losing my mind!!!

Oh no sorry @physicskate it is so frustrating isn’t it?! My LO didn’t go to sleep until gone 9 last night & has so far refused her nap today :-(
It is making me so stressed, particularly in lockdown too... I never realised settling a child to sleep would be so emotionally draining 😢

I know it’s late for you now but just for anyone else reading with a younger baby, this is why settling baby into a routine early is so important. We went through a very difficult couple of weeks with our DS when he was about 6 months old but is now approaching a year and has both of his naps in his cot, goes to bed awake and sleeps 6pm-6am.

OP I think consistency is key for you now. Do the same things at the same time every evening. If she cries and fusses reassure and comfort her of course but be consistent and she will soon adapt to her routine and probably be a much happier baby for it too.

Wow. Judgy much Ross Kemp?! Who says we haven't been trying to get her into a routine sine 3 months old!? But our routine isn't her routine. Nursery did their own routine and now lockdown/mmr and teething are messing up what routine she had (as I am wfh and her dad is furloughed and now her primary carer.

I reflect on where I could have done things differently. I've tried literally everything except cry it out.

@physicskate what on earth is judgy about giving advice to a poster on a public forum asking for advice? Do you think I was responding to your situation? I was replying to the OP

It's judgy to say 'you should have done this in the past, so there's nothing you can do to change the situation now.' You haven't offered anything meaningful or helpful by pointing out (known) mistakes in the past and essentially saying we're doing shit jobs...

@physicskate hmm, I certainly don’t think anyone is doing a shit job. I do maintain, as per commonplace advice, that early introduction of a routine is more effective sooner rather than later. There’s no part of that statement that infers that mothers who’ve failed to do that are doing a shit job, or that there’s nothing which can be done now. As I said, consistency from this point forward is probably going to be key. You’re not and have not done a shit job. Your reaction to my post feels a little bit off? Is there anything more going on for you @psychicskate?

rossKemp I think your post, whilst well meaning, is a bit insensitive. There is a huge element of luck in baby sleep habits. I always think you need a decent routine/strategies AND luck! DD was an ok sleeper, DS was awful. I worked harder with DS.

OP could you try cuddling to sleep lying in your bed? Have you tried introducing a special pillow or teddy to cuddle? It's tough! You probably need to find a way that still gives lots of contact with you, unless you are able to deal with lots of screaming. (Not judging, we went for the tough love approach at about one to get him in the cot all night, although he still wakes). One other thing is playing in the cot in the day to make it a fun space.

I had the same kind of breakdown a few weeks ago, that he should be going to sleep on his own in his cot

Ds is 19 months now.
He's always been breastfed to sleep til 14 months, being first born, always been cuddled to sleep.
Went through the 18 month Regression so started with the controlled crying. Did it for about a week, I hated seeing him so upset when all he wanted was a cuddle.

Towards the end of the week. When he woke at 1am, we would ignore him, and shush him from our bedroom, he soon got the message, and went back to sleep on his own.

He's been sleeping through now again for the last 10 days, still goes to sleep in our bed with a cuddle then we move to cot, I honestly don't mind that, as long as he settles and sleeps through.

I've taken the attitude to just relax about this.
1 year old is very young still, babies / toddlers aren't forever going to want cuddles to sleep.
One day In a blink of an eye, they will say no thanks mum, I'll sleep in my bed, and that'll break out hearts.

@rosskemp

Load of rubbish. We purposefully had no routine for 6 months, just followed babies lead. My DS sleeps 13 hours a night.

OP, we found it great to transition to a big boy bed with character duvets etc. Worked a treat

@2007Millie your point is moot as you have a good sleeper! It’s the more unpredictable (non) sleepers that tend to benefit from a solid routine

@rossKemp

My DS woke every 2 hours until 8 months old, then 3 hours until 10 months, then 4 hours until 12 months. I wouldn't call that a good sleeper.

@2007Millie perhaps you should’ve introduced a routine...

We ve had a routine since very young, my 15 month old can still wake 8 times a night. Just the luck of the draw. Tried everything, suffering from chronic sleep deprivation, just got a proper shite sleeper.

Send chocolate

Could you try a 'gradual retreat' type thing? We sort of did that with DD which was slowly transitioning her from being rocked to sleep on our laps to eventually being put down awake in her cotbed and leaving the room for her to sleep herself. We started at about 8/9 months and it wasn't solid til she was about 1, we did it veeeeeery slow and gradual for minimal tears. 'No Cry Sleep Solution' is a good book about improving sleep too. I do think a lot of sleep is luck and there's no one size fits all.

@rossKemp
No, I prefer responding to my babies wants and needs so they feel secure and loved.

@2007Millie having a routine (even if it takes a week or so to crack) often means your baby is contented enough to not need their ‘wants and needs’ seen to every ‘2, 3 and 4 hours’ throughout the night as you describe

.. because they’re contentedly sleeping(!)

Ross kemp- I get where you’re coming from but I suspect you’re basing this on your baby. They aren’t all the same.

@incrediblytired yes, definitely just a generalisation and not a one size fits all

@rossKemp

My baby needed milk, and therefore I happily gave it as often as required. I don't believe in a routine when they're young

probably be a much happier baby for it too.
Eh, my daughter is a shit sleeper and happy as Larry, giggles all day long, full of beans, doesn't come close to self-settling (fed, cuddled, rocked to sleep), but now she's started walking we're down to one wake a night.

Sleep is luck of the draw INCLUDING whether you're able to get the baby into a routine or self-settling or into a cot or whatever at a particular age. The correlation/causation isn't "I got my baby into a routine therefore they sleep well"; it's the other way around.