Exhausted eleven week old

[Dillybear]

Hello mumsnetters. I am new to mumsnet today (and new to being a mum), although I’ve been lurking for ages. I’m hoping to get some advice from more experienced or more confident parents about my DD’s naps. I’m quite isolated at the moment as my DH works for the NHS and so it’s just me and baby alone all day, so I’m not sure if I’m just getting worked up over nothing - I’d be really grateful for some advice or perspective!

DD is eleven weeks old and is my first baby. A week or two ago, she was napping well during the day. She was in quite a predictable routine that I just followed as it seemed to work for her. She would have four naps, three fairly short ones (30 mins - 1 hour) and one longer nap (1.5 hours - 2.5 hours) around lunchtime.

However now, her naps are not lasting more than 30 minutes at a time. This wouldn’t be such a problem except that she’s clearly really tired! By the end of the day she’s often cranky and even cries when she’s having her bath which never happened before. When she’s had enough sleep she’s such a laid back, happy little soul.

To put her down for a nap I take her to her room where the blinds are closed, put her in her sleeping bag, put white noise on, sing her sleep time song, and then rock and shush her. Usually she falls asleep happily within five minutes and I can put her down straight away. At night she feeds to sleep but the rest is the same. I know that I’m creating ‘bad habits’ but I don’t know how else to do it! I read the advice to put her down drowsy but awake - DD would laugh in my face (and then scream haha)!

I’m really at a loss and feel I’m failing her. Today she’s absolutely exhausted and really sad. She went down for (what used to be) her big nap and it lasted 26 minutes, I picked her up and got her back to sleep for ten minutes and then she was done. But half an hour later she was grizzling and yawning again so I put her down for another nap, but she only slept 13 minutes. She was awake for 17 minutes but quickly started yawning and crying so I rocked her back to sleep, but she was awake within 25 minutes. She’s now been awake 10 minutes and is yawning and grizzling a little already...

I don’t know how I can help her nap for longer. Any ideas?! Thank you in advance.

Have you considered letting her sleep on you? My LO is a couple of weeks younger than yours but sleeps considerably longer on me than in his cot.

If you still want the freedom to get up/move around then a sling might be worth investing in - it’s been a life saver for me! Baby sleeps like an angel and I can get on with other things

Download the wonder weeks app - it's so good at explaining any developmental leaps that cause changes to behaviour , it really helped us

I second the sling! And also sleeping on you now and then. Keep a nice routine for evenings/after lunchtime nap if you want, but don't be afraid to bend the routine rules too to allow you some down time (I used to make sure pillows/phone/book/remotes were nearby and have my babies sleep in my arms for a nice break). Good luck!

Thanks for replying and for your suggestions. I did used to do two of her shorter naps in the sling, and her long nap in the pram. But no matter where she sleeps (sling, swing, arms, pram, cot) I’m having the same issue with her waking. I started doing the naps in her room because she seems to be bothered by light and noise more than she used to be and I wondered if this would help her, though it doesn’t seem to.

I’m curious though, if I try again with the sling and the pram, am I just preventing her from being able to sleep without movement? Or would she just grow out of that?

Just to add - the three short naps in a row earlier were all in her room and in my arms, I didn’t put her down like I normally do in the hope that she would sleep longer, but it didn’t work either.

Thanks again!

Ah, that’s a shame about her not sleeping longer! I’m afraid I don’t have any tips for that other than what you’ve already said. Although I find my LO actually prefers a bit of background noise (like the radio on low) to silence - he always wakes earlier if it’s quiet! Or other times I think he’s awake (eyes wide open and looking around for a good few minutes, sometimes with a little cry!) but if I don’t disturb him, he goes back to sleep. If I do, he will break out into full on crying. Before I realised that he was actually still asleep I was like “you cried for me to pick you up and I have, what do you want from me!?” 😂 but I was actually waking him and that’s why he was crying!

My personal opinion is that we have enough to contend with when it comes to babies, so don’t worry about ‘bad habits.’ They are babies! They aren’t capable of forming bad habits - we call them ‘bad’ because they don’t suit us. But ultimately, if they suit baby, then baby will be happier and more secure. So I guess it’s a balance between what baby wants and what you want. For me, I’ve gone full baby side for now. Nobody ever looks back and wishes they’d spent less time cuddling their baby! So the dishes can wait 😉

But, that being said, I am fully prepared to cuddle him to sleep/use the sling/whatever for as long as he will let me! I appreciate that not everyone can do that, esp if going back to work, other children, etc!

I’ve not been much help really 😂 but I hope my POV helps in some way!

I never tried drowsy but awake and cutting out feeding to sleep until my baby was about 16 weeks. 11 weeks is so, so tiny - just go with the flow. Naps are often crappy but they will lengthen and her sleep will def improve. X

11 weeks is tiny tiny tiny! Feed her to sleep and let her sleep on you.

I’ve definitely not tried putting her down drowsy but awake - she clearly needs me to help her sleep and I’m happy to do that. I’m her mum and I see that as my job! Unfortunately though the ‘bad habits/put them down awake/they need to learn to sleep on their own seems’ way of thinking seems to sum up a lot of the advice online about helping babies sleep better, which makes me feel like I’m failing. I just want her to be well rested, however that is achieved.

Rocking/holding/feeding to sleep are all fine by me, it’s the early waking from all her naps that seems to be a big problem all of a sudden. If she would sleep for longer in my arms I’d let her have all her naps on me, but whilst it’s lovely and snuggly it doesn’t help her nap any longer and I find that I actually seem to disturb her from her sleep very easily. She went 2.5 hours between naps this afternoon, before eventually falling asleep in the pram (but only for 15 minutes!) and although she was in a perfectly happy mood, her eyes are all red and she has shadows under her eyes from being so tired. She’s had six naps today and hasn’t even slept 2.5 hours in total, poor thing!

Any chance it's first signs of teething? Do you see drool/red cheeks/putting fist in mouth etc? I only ask as one of mine was similar around the same age and it was teething. She didn't actually cut her tooth until much later but teething powder/gel etc definitely calmed her at the time.

I hadn’t thought of teething as she’s still so young. But she is very drooly recently and is always trying to shove her hand in her mouth and getting frustrated that she can’t. I just thought that was a day in the life of a baby haha. Her cheeks aren’t red but I’ll have a look at her properly in the morning, I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt to try teething gel, thanks for the suggestion.

Just wondering if you've ever thought of using a dummy with your baby, I know frequently people have strong feelings about them but sometimes they can be very useful in helping babies to settle.

I tried everything under the sun to get mine to nap for more than 30-45 mins but it was a developmental thing for my baby, and she just started to go longer as she got older. I appreciate that yours went longer before but these things change all the time! Also mine had her first tooth by 4 months so it could well be that.

Also please don’t worry about feeding to sleep or ‘bad habits’. There’s loads of time to fix things later (if indeed they need to be fixed), mines a year and is fed to sleep and sleeps through now so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just keep putting her down when she is tired, ignore how many naps she ‘should’ have and get through this phase before the next one starts 😂 you’re doing a great job!

My DS 8 months old, has gone through phases like this. Sometimes they can hit a sleep regression stage. If your baby slept well in her cot before I would personally continue do stick with the same routine. I personally didn’t want my baby to become used to sleeping on me as I liked having his nap times to get housework and other things and also for a little me time. After a couple of weeks he settled back into a routine. Obviously all babies are different but I have found it all just one stage after another although he very reliably sleeps in his cot.

I would try increasing the wake window, we had something similar when DD dropped down to 3 and then 2 naps. First couple days were tough keeping her awake but she was WAY happier getting more sleep.

Thank you all for your advice and suggestions. I’ve tried a dummy a couple of times but she’s having none of it. She seems to want to suck her thumb but can’t work out how. I’m hoping she’ll learn and that might help her to be more settled, who knows!

It does appear to be some sort of developmental thing, I think(?). She’s started doing all sorts of new things she wasn’t doing before, so she’s got a lot going on. I’m hoping that when it all settles back down she’ll be able to nap for longer.

I’m in her room with her cos it’s a little darker in here, she’s sleeping in my arms after getting very worked up very quickly due to being tired this morning. It’s been 22 minutes... I’m praying she goes longer than 25 minutes!!

Have you seen the Wonder Weeks app? That can explain leaps developmentally from due date.
There are also growth spurts from birth date

Mine is 13 weeks and sadly also dropped the lovely longer daytime nap at around 11 weeks too. Now its 4-6 shorter naps in the day. I try to keep naps regular to wake windows as baby gets grumpy and overtired otherwise. I never needed to do this up until this point as he slept quite a lot.

There is also a 12 week growth spurt too xx

We also had success with dummies that had natural teets on them (like they are breast feeding) from tomee tipee x

Oops sorry you can't edit replies!

The hand in mouth is developmentally appropriate and causes drool. Toys will also be mouthed too! Doesn't mean teething necessarily. Hand in mouth is also soothing kind of like a thumb suck but less fine movements

Hi OP. My LO is 11 weeks old today and he doesn't really nap very well at home, maybe 30min/1hr maximum. He sleeps really well as soon as we go out for a walk though and usually stays asleep after we come back, perhaps try going round the block for 15min then come back and leave her in the pram in a quiet room?
My son sometimes cat naps all day bit is a good sleeper at night, so I just take the short naps during the day! I'm sure he will eventually get into a napping routine.

Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate your help! Last night she slept well again overnight, without a huge meltdown in the evening thankfully, although she was absolutely knackered all day because the day before that she had so little sleep.

I managed to get her to have two longer naps in her room in my arms in the rocking chair (white noise, dark). She used to sleep so well in the pram but I think that she’s so nosey that she needs to be somewhere more boring to sleep than out for a walk, as her naps in the pram are now 25-30 minutes maximum before her eyes ping open and she stares at the world. Given that being in my arms has been the most successful method in the last couple of days I’ve just settled down with her for her ‘big nap’ (fingers crossed!) now. It’s nice because I love cuddling her and it gives me a good excuse to do nothing for a couple of hours. Hopefully I won’t still be doing this when she’s 17

@bookish83 She seems to be trying desperately to suck her thumb but doesn’t quite have the coordination to do it just yet. It’s really tragic, she just hits herself in the face and gets cross. Interesting that the same thing happened to your baby around the same time. I think she went through the leap a little early as she can now do all the things on the list in the wonder weeks app, but I’m not sure if it’s over yet as she is unusually fractious whereas she’s normally pretty calm. I’d be really interested to know what your day looks like at the moment with more frequent naps?

@Dillybear

Of course. So far sleep hasn't really been a big issue but I have a very frequent feeder!

Sleeps 12 ish hours
Wakes 2/3 times for feed in that time, usually twice.
Stirs at around 5am which I believe is common! Cuddle back to sleep or co sleep for that time until 7-8 when we 'get up'

Day - work on a 2/2.5 hour max schedule. Baby feeds like clockwork! We do eat, play, sleep. So as long as within each of those 2/2.5 hours baby has had a nap I am pleased. Usually around 30 mins or so but can sometimes be 1 hour. Baby needs a nap in max 90 mins else just gets over tired and quickly!
I don't need to rock, but I do hold and sometimes use a dummy for getting to sleep, but this normally falls out or I will take out when asleep to limit the time has it. Never notices!

Up until around 10/11 weeks naps could be 2 hours plus which was handy!

The big difference I noticed was that baby is just more alert and awake (nosy!) so enjoys being up more!

What does your day look like atm? X

She’s usually up between 6.30 - 7.30, and then she feeds every 2.5-3.5 hours. I try to do eat awake sleep, but with the shorter naps sometimes it’s more like eat awake sleep awake. She has a bath around 6.15 and then a big feed before bed, and usually I can escape from her for around 7.30. We do a dream feed around 11 and then she wakes for a feed around 4-5 hours later. Of course there are days where it’s much more difficult but generally that’s the pattern.

We’ve had a much better day for napping today. She did a 40 minute nap in her cot this morning, and 35 minutes just now. She had her big nap in my arms and I put her down in her cot after 2 hours and she slept another 20 minutes before waking, which I didn’t expect! She had a short nap in her pram but woke after 25 minutes again. She’s always much happier when she’s had a decent amount of sleep in a day. I think for now I will be tied to a rocking chair for a couple of hours a day to make sure she gets the rest that she needs.

She can’t be awake longer than 90 minutes either, starts to get cranky at 1 hour 15.