2 year old cries uncontrollably for dad

[emvy]

DS has never been a good sleeper. He has always been breastfed to sleep at night until recently but for about 7 weeks now he goes to sleep at the start of the night independently without tears.

However, come 11.30 he’s up. DH is going in to settle and we’ve been pushing the feeds back gradually over time so that he’s now fed around 2-3am (it depends how far we can get). Problem is, he does not settle for my DH. He screams and screams inconsolably for hours. If I take over, he might stop the screaming but gets cross if he’s not allowed a feed. If we can get past that battle then he will sometimes settle with me there but it takes hours. Sometimes feeding doesn’t help anyway and he has a quick feed and then is just wide awake rolling around the bed. He was awake 11.15-3.30am last night.

He is missing out on so much sleep but as well as that, it is absolutely hell on Earth for DH and I to listen to him crying his heart out non stop. We’ve tried the gentle approach with him but clearly it just isn’t working and isn’t gentle enough for him or whatever but I just can’t keep breastfeeding him all night anymore. He wakes every 2 hours and I am beyond exhausted.

Are we making this worse for ourselves by still offering the feed later on at night? Is this the problem? We’re doing it because we tried going cold turkey before and it failed miserably. I really am at such a loss and it’s breaking my heart. Please if anyone has any advice at all I’d be so grateful, thanks.

Oh damn this was meant to be in the sleep board, please could it be moved if possible? Thanks!

I'm sorry, I've got no advice, it's so long since my kids were little.
I've reported your post to MN so they will move it to the right place for you.
Good luck.

Hi there, @emvy just to let you know that we've moved your thread over to the Sleep board. We hope you get some useful advice here and we hope your DS soon settles down.

Thank you! Anyone? 😩
He was up again from 11.30-2.30 last night 🤯

I don't know but it sounds dreadful and i wanted to say how sorry i am for you guys. Could you afford a sleep consultant? Might be helpful x

First timing posting as your message really stuck a cord and wanted to offer solidarity and maybe some help. It might be a bit different for you as I stopped feeding at night when my DS was younger (16 months) but when he woke I still went in to him. I'd give him a cuddle but refuse to feed so he would whinge and then start to cry. If he didn't settle in a couple of minutes DH came in and I'd pass DS over for, oh, maybe 15 seconds of full on crying then DH would pass him back to me at which point he'd stop. We used to call DH the magic off switch because he was that reliable at stopping the crying! DS would then settle with cuddles from me and accept that there was no milk. Like you I reduced feeds at first (no milk before 1am) and within a week he'd stopped asking at night at all. It sounds like you have it really tough at the moment so I hope you find something that works for you all soon.

Thank you for both of your replies, it really means a lot.

Last night was better, he went back to sleep within in a hour. The only difference was that we skipped DH going in and I went straight in, instead. I also reminded him before bedtime that there was no boob when he woke up, I don’t know if that made a difference. There was crying but it was better.

@TMWRNJ, we do find he settles better once given back to me which is why we decided to skip DH going in last night. I was hoping that weaning would mean we could share wake ups... I seem to still be doing it all 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 thank you for your advice x

Hi, sympathy to you as we also had an absolutely awful sleeper, well past his 2nd birthday. Feeds weren't the issue (self-weaned at 1) but multiple wake-ups and needing us to stay with him for ages cuddling, singing, patting etc to go back to sleep. We co-slept for part of the night for a long time but he just got too big/ thrashing.

My guess is your son is probably very overtired so I would give yourself a week at least of doing whatever it takes (except boob) to get him sleeping. Then for us we gradually reduced the reliance on us. So we wouldn't lie down with him, only sit next to the bed. Then the foot of the bed. Then the doorway etc. (This took weeks.) It helped that we had a special cushion where we'd sit, so before turning the light out (same issues at bedtime), I'd say mummy will be here on this cushion. One day the cushion finally made it into the hall! In the night we did the same as at bedtime, cuddle, tuck in, mummy/ daddy will be on the cushion etc. If he cried, back for another cuddle, 'cushion' just the one word, then just wordless tucking in. Repeat and repeat and repeat. In the end even he realised he wasn't going to get what he wanted! It didn't stop all the night waking but we did get to the point where a quick cuddle, tuck and reminder we were outside was usually enough. He's 3 now and does mostly sleep through - you'll get there!!

I fed until 17 months and then introduced a bottle of milk (cows) overnight as a replacement, and it worked for us. Our lb is 2 now and loves a bottle of milk as it brings him comfort, and I don't panic about him being hungry/thirsty. He's completely weaned off the boob now too, which has meant I get alot more sleep. Our lb is a MASSIVE mummy's boy, still is, but now will go to sleep for his daddy no problem. I know some will say we shouldnt have turned to bottles/making a rod for our back etc but honestly it means we're all finally sleeping for 7+ hours a night (lb sleeps for 11 hours with a wakeup for bottle)
If your lo doesn't settle for dad, don't force it, and try other ways of soothing him. As he gets bigger a routine will emerge and he'll naturally become a better sleeper, but do what works for you guys.

DS is 3 next month and still won't settle for DH if i'm in the house even though we night weaned a year ago. And I led that entirely as DH was not an alternative

He almost resettled for him the other week then realised it wasn't me and kicked off

It's just better for all of us that I do it. It gets better.

Does he nap in the day? We only cracked bedtime when dropped daytime naps.

Thanks guys sorry I’ve only just checked my watched list!

We have actually now just given up with my DH going in. As lots of you have said, we figured it was probably best just to provide him with comfort in any way other than boob and that meant me. He still screams his head off when I go in and he isn’t offered boob but he usually calms down within a couple of minutes and then is straight back to sleep - BIG win! Last night we made it to 5am without a feed which amazing for him! He has begun stretching some chunks of sleep in the night now instead of just the first stretch being longer, meaning we’re able to get to later in the night without it being a big deal.

I would’ve happily offered a bottle @Mummsnett, he just doesn’t like cows milk (or any drink other than breast milk or water!) so we do offer water at night but that’s all he would be interested in anyway. He mostly refuses it but occasionally has some.

Thank you so much again everyone, I really appreciate your replies, it helps to know that we’re not alone in our struggles x