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Help please... In a pickle

9 replies

Tonimacaroni1920 · 01/05/2020 20:52

Hello, I would really appreciate any advice at all! I feel like I've done everything wrong. My baby is nearly 5 months old and, after a few dodgy weeks, seems to wake up twice or 3 times at night and take a full feed. The problem is fighting sleep. This used to only be a problem during the day, but he recently started to make a huge fuss at bedtime too. We've always been consistent with a bedtime routine of bath, bottle, story, bed, but now it seems to be that I need to walk up and down with him for ages before he falls asleep, and he quite often screams blue murder for a good while first! I spent a long time trying to get him to nap in his crib, but it always resulted in very short naps- the only way I seem to be able to encourage longer sleep is to take him out in the pram. I'm really struggling with tiredness and also guilt that I've not helped him to self-settle. He had an undiagnosed tongue tie, which caused problems with feeding, and then was very colicky and ended up being diagnosed with a cow's milk allergy, and I think I've seen him be so unhappy in the past that I've maybe acted out of misplaced kindness and cuddled him to sleep too much, and it's not working now! It's so difficult as he's mega alert and doesn't seem to ever be drowsy- he very rarely yawns or rubs his eyes, but becomes extra hyper, making it hard to spot his sleepy window. Everything I read advises different amounts of daytime sleep and different ideas about the suitability of sleep training before 6 months. I don't mind getting up a few times at night- I just want bedtime to be a more relaxing experience! Thank you so much to anyone who comments.

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2GMom · 01/05/2020 22:12

I’m sorry I have no advice but just know that your not alone!
We had cows milk allergy too & we both honestly had some sort of ptsd after. Anytime she cried I was riddled with anxiety that I wouldn’t be able to make her stop.
She’s 21 months now & I still need to lay with her until she’s asleep. It takes ages sometimes & is very frustrating but I’m hoping that once things get back to normal it won’t take so long.
All I will say is the advice online varies because babies are all different. They are very resilient though.
You’re doing great Mama

Tonimacaroni1920 · 01/05/2020 23:06

Thanks you so much for the solidarity! PTSD is exactly what it feels like- he used to scream round the clock and now every time he cries, I panic because I think I won't be able to get him to stop, even if it's something really obvious like hunger! Thank you for understanding!

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Keha · 01/05/2020 23:52

I have no advice, only having one baby who is only 8 weeks. However I wanted to post because I don't think you have caused these problems or should feel guilt. We are all doing the best we can. I've read so much different advice on the Internet, so much conflicting information about self setting, routines, controlled crying, sleep associations. Most of it seems to be based on relatively little evidence or evidence you can interpret different ways. It also seems that round the world, what is considered normal sleep really varies, but I think we still end up comparing our situation to things online or other babies we know of. I hope you find something that works for you, and if that turns out to be cuddling or the pram, so what. It's only a problem if its actually a problem to you.

Tonimacaroni1920 · 02/05/2020 02:17

Thank you so much keha! All I want is a way for bedtime to be tear free, for both of us! Congratulations on your little one?

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Eggcellent29 · 02/05/2020 14:28

You have done absolutely nothing wrong! You have comforted and soothed your baby when they needed you - you are an excellent Mum.

My LO is much younger but I’m taking an approach of just doing what works. If being cuddled to sleep works, then I’ll do it. If he wants to be pushed around in the pram, then I’ll do it. There is no point distressing your baby on purpose and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to avoid that!

Case and point - baby has spent four hours total napping on me today in a sling because I know if I put him down he will wake up.

It sounds like he is a very active baby! Could you perhaps have quiet/rest time even if he won’t sleep? Like sometimes my LO kicks off but won’t sleep so we go into the bedroom, close the curtains and look at his star projector. Most times he will sleep after but even if he doesn’t, he’s had some ‘down time’ which helps a bit!

Tonimacaroni1920 · 02/05/2020 16:46

Thank you so much- I expected to be told to get a grip so I'm really appreciating how kind everyone is! He is a very active baby- even at all his scans the sonographer would say something along the lines of "he's having a party in there!" He has a projector with stars so I'll try letting him chill with that tonight. Thanks again!

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Bleepers · 02/05/2020 19:00

My baby suddenly began resisting sleep and I realised it was because she wasn't tired enough. We moved her final nap back about 45 mins (so the latest she is awake is 4.30 with a 7 bedtime) and it has worked really well. Maybe something to try?x

MrsWooster · 02/05/2020 19:05

Hold onto the fact that this will change... he will develop and alter his habits and the feeling of exhaustion and powerlessness WILL end!

Tonimacaroni1920 · 02/05/2020 19:58

Thank you- good idea to move the nap back , and thank you for the reassurance! I keep telling myself it's a phase!

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