10 month old won’t go to sleep in cot, or fall asleep on own, wakes up every hour and won’t eat solids...HELP!

[Thebigdv]

Hi
This is my first thread! Like many mums I have a huge problem with sleep for my 10 month old. But there are a whole host of other things that come into play too, so apologies in advance for the long post and thank you to anyone who can be bothered to read it and offer advice! I’m at my wits end hence why I’ve started this thread. This is my first child and I feel like I’ve done everything wrong when it comes to getting my baby to sleep. So please be kind, any help is really needed! Basically she uses my nipple as a dummy, and will not go to sleep unless it’s in her mouth. She co sleeps with me on a mattress on the floor while my husband is in the spare room just so we can both get any resemblance of sleep! she goes to bed around 6.30 every night. My husband rocks her to sleep then puts her down on the mattress where she wakes up unless I stick the nipple in. Then after about 10 mins I will ease it out and go downstairs for some kind of evening with my husband. She will then wake up every half an hour until I go to bed. She will then continue to wake up every hour until about 1am, then on a good night she will sleep a three hour stretch until about 4am, then she is very restless, and I try and keep her asleep by sticking the boob back in until she finally wakes up at about 6.30am. It means the most amount of uninterrupted sleep I get is (occasionally) three hours. My husband is very supportive and wants to help but he doesn’t have boobs so literally can’t do anything! Since we’ve been in lockdown (which means neither of us are working) he takes her at 7am every morning and let’s me sleep until she’s ready for her morning nap at 9.30. He will have got her to sleep downstairs, brings her up, lays her next to me, she will then wake up unless I shove the nipple in! she has never taken to an actual dummy and believe me I’ve tried on several occasions to get her to take one. She also won’t take a bottle, doesn’t understand how to suck from it. The health visitor has suggested we make sure she’s full before sleep and try and refuse breastfeeds but guess what?...she hates solid food! We try and try all day breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks...she barely eats anything and we’ve tried everything. From purées to finger food! She’ll have a few spoons or a few crumbs of toast maybe a nibble on some apple but thats it! everything ends up on the floor or spat out. She just loves the boobs too much!!!! And there’s me worrying about whether I would be able to breastfeed before she was born!!!! We’ve read up on CC and the more gentle methods. Several times we’ve tried to put her down in her cot sleepy but awake. Today for example, we tried to give her porridge (she had a few spoons) then I breastfed her so she was full, husband rocked her almost to sleep, we lay her in her cot, she looks at us in a dreamy way for about a minute then she turns round and stands up against the bars. We then try and lay her down 27 times before husband takes her to be rocked again as she is now in a state. Same thing happened again, she is now over tired, third time we cave in, husband rocks her to sleep, then brings her to me for the nipple! It’s very tiring both literally and emotionally. I haven’t been away from her for longer than three hours since she was born. I tried to go for a night out at Christmas and my husband had to drive into town for me to breastfeed her in the back of the car as she had got herself into a catatonic state! I don’t know what to do! I feel like I’m gonna be breastfeeding forever! We recently did a sleep log and my OH spent the night in my room and couldn’t believe how little sleep I got! Any one else had a similar problem?! ANY advice welcommed!! Even if that advice is “she will grow out of it” I can handle that, as long as I know someone else has had a similar experience and there is an end!!!

We're just moving this over to our sleep topic, OP.

Can't really offer advice, mainly because every baby is different and I only have the one (so far). I just really feel for you. I could have written this exact post when my DD was the same age. All I can say is, keep doing what your doing. Mine was basically attached to my boobs day and night, I saw every hour on the clock at night for months. It all changed when she started to crawl, eat more, walk etc. By 13 months she wasn't interested in daytime boob anymore, by 15 months, reliably sleeping through. It's great your husband is so supportive, lean on him. It will end! You're doing an amazing job. Sorry it's so hard I know!

I think Gina Ford has.a book with advice about sleep.and food, and some case studies of children who were milkaholics. I gave it away about 17.years ago, so cannot remember exact title, but the preciseness of her weaning advice was v.reassuring I seem to recall.
I breastfed twins till 2, no.controlled crying and they did wake once in the night, sometimes one twin woke twice, but I could live with that. 10 months is quite a tricky time to do controlled crying so I wouldnt be suggesting leaving baby to cry it out,.more a question of changing her usual method of selfsoothing to sleep. So feeding, and then putting baby down awake, and persevering with that. Perhaps music box or mobile accompanying, and a cot so you are there but she isnt literally sucking hetself. Babies often find their thumbs. My son had a raggy knotted rabbitbhe sucked or held, my dd had a little knotted woollen lacy blanket. I didnt wash these too often so they.smelt reassuringlybfamiliar.
The other thing I remember is that if your baby has any sort of tongue tie, texture can be incredibly offputting. Ds had this and needed completely smooth purees (mashed potato he detested, and pasta, too gritty) I wss advised by dietician to give melt in mouth things like quavers or meringue to encourage him to tolerate texture, just for him to suck. Under supervision.
If your baby is having no solids and no formula it is important to remember that yournbaby may run short of some vitamins, and iron.stores will be depleted after six months. You yourself willnalmost cwrtainly need a good multivitamin. Vit d deficiency can creep up on babies and their mums, as so few.babies get exclusively breastfed, so remember the vit drops for babies, very important.
Otherwise, start with very sweet purees, like apple pear or.sweet potato, only tiny tastes,.mixed with breast milk. If baby keeps pushing tongue out you might want to talk to health visitor as this was a tongue tie issue in my ds!

Vitnd deficiency can creep up because the hv advice is usually aimed at formula.fed babies, or those on solids and breastmilk, is what I meant to say.

Without introducing some extra.calories to replace at least some of.the.milk feeds, your baby will need those extra night feeds, so I wouldnt.be restricting her feeds until you have successfully introduced at least some solids over an.few weeks.

Thank you both for your advice! @LassoOfTruth it’s so good to hear that someone has been through something similar and has lived to tell the tale! Thanks for your words of encouragement. And @Nettleskeins thanks for your advice too, I do give her the vitamin D drops once a day. Also good shout on waiting for her to pass the 10 month mark before going down the CC route. I’m reluctant to try that anyway as it seems so brutal! And yeah I don’t want to night wean until she’s eating more in the day. I don’t mind getting up to feed her I just wish she was in her own bed! And she did have a tougue tie when she was born but she’s had that seen to. Maybe she still has a problem with texture though. She does seem to prefer the runnier purées.

Okay, I think you might need to tackle the sleeping associations. Short rock, no breastfeed (do that at least 10 minutes earlier) and then stay near baby in cot, patting. Try and resist feeding her at bedtime and naps, although you might still be doing it in middle of night for a while yet. So concentrate on changing her sleep associations in the day whilst you have the strength (at night no one has the strength). Start putting her down for all her sleeps in cot, if she wakes after 30 mins by all means feed again, but put her down awake. A baby will normally have a 2 hour nap in middle of day, but sometimes they cycle into light sleep and cannot selfsettle again, I found feeding back to sleep in this scenario with proviso.that I put in cot awake, darkened room etc, other sleep cues, ie shushing patting was beneficial as baby then cycled into deeper restorative sleep. The problem is that waking all night long on the hour is going to deprive your baby of deep sleep, in the same way that you feel deprived, and make her more and more irritable and wired.
The thing is, it seems inpossible but if you slowly reinforce a new association you will find her sleeping pattern improves. It doesnt have to be controlled crying or cold turkey, but you have to make the decision to start.settling her in the cot. Bottlefeeding mums can have exactly the same problems with sleeping associations (ie sucking to sleep). La leche league might also be able to reassure you with some patterns of feeding at night which are not hourly, although still on "demand"'. Your baby wants to sleep for longer stretches, I genuinely believe that it is because she just doesnt know how to get back to sleep without rocking and sucking and being snuggled up on a mattress. So my choice would.be to reinforce the cot for some sleeps, and perhaps co sleep in the night if and only if her sleep/feeding pattern improves. I certainly had mine in bed with me at times in the night, but they could settle.for naps.and bedtime in their cots (singleton, then twins) co sleeping is great by 10 months but only if it gives you a better rather than a worse night"s.sleep. try.sleeping in room with baby but separately..ive also found that a very good bridge. (And it works with puppies too!!! As ive recently found)

Oh this is brutal. You poor, poor thing. I think that you need to get her eating more solids before you do CC because she'll need so much milk to be hungry but then you may have to be hardcore and do sleep training. Ultimately she needs to break the boob/sleep association. Good luck, I really feel for you x

@Nettleskeins again thanks for the good advice. We came up with an action plan two days ago, and like you said we are trying to get her to sleep in the cot for the first nap of the day while we have the energy as a start. I feed her then husband rocks her to the same music that she has a sleep association with already, in the past he would rock her to sleep then pass her to me for the boob comfort, but now he will rock to sleepy and stroke her tummy in the cot. Yesterday was a false start which involved a very loud postman’s knock! but we are trying again today, I’ll let you know how it goes! Fingers crossed!!