Exhausted

[lisalala87]

I am a mum of two amazing children - a 2yo boy who is a bundle of energy and a lovely 4month old girl who is quite chilled out. One thing they both have in common is that they are horrible sleepers. My little girl still feeds every 2hrs at night and is awake around 5:30AM, still does 4 naps a day on one of us. Son wakes up around 6, naps for 1hr in the afternoon and goes down between 6:30 and 7, utterly exhausted but refuses to fall asleep. Comes out of his room at least 20 times before he gets upset and falls asleep with one of us in the room. My little girl struggles falling asleep on her own as well so whilst my husband deals with my son, I feed her to sleep. By the time they’re both down it’s well after 8:30PM and then we still have all the tidying to do downstairs. Then to bed so we’re ready for another 5:30 wake up call.

I’m knackered, exhausted and don’t know what to do. My husband is amazing and picks up so many chores around the house and forces me to go for naps but I can feel it’s physically and mentally draining me and I’m worried.

Can anyone relate and/or have a golden tip? Much appreciated!!

You have my sympathies, I remember it well. My DC1 was only 18 months old when DC2 was 4 months old. It's hard work. I went on to have two more children, life does get easier.

So, there are several issues here and they all need dealing with in isolation.

Firstly - your 2yo coming out his room. He is in a bed then? Why? Toddlers get a lot of comfort and security from the enclosed feeling the cot sides give. I'd consider 2 to be far too young for a bed. I kept the cot until after toddlers 3rd birthday at least.

Has toddler had to give up the cot so baby could have it? Might feel pushed out or overwhelmed by all the recent changes.

Toddler not settling at bedtime - you'll need to do gradual retreat to get him to stay in bed. It inches committing to stay at his side all the way until he's asleep all the time, every night. Over time gradually increase how far away from him you are (Or DH if he does bedtime). Start off touchinh/comforting him right until asleep. Then very close but not touching, and gradually move the chair away over several weeks.

With regards to baby - if introduce a dummy if you haven't already. Feed feed feed through the day - big feeds very frequently. 2h feeds from 7am-11pm would be my suggestion. Packing baby full of calories through the daytime means fewer calories needed at night.

Bear in mind baby should be napping downstairs with you until you go to bed. Not going up without you until 6 months old. This is standard SIDS advice.

Finally, might be worth adjusting your expectations. Having a child free evening from 8.30pm makes you very fortunate. You need to reframe this as a good thing, not a bad thing.

When my youngest child was 4 months old, I had a 5yo going to bed at 7.30pm, a 9yo going to bed at 8.30pm and a 10yo going to bed at 9pm.

My eldest two children are now aged 14 and 15 and often go to bed at the same time as me. Child-free evenings are only a fleeting part of your life and soon will be a think of the past.consider yourself very lucky to have from 8.30pm adult time every single night. That sounds idyllic to me.

My 9 months currently sleeping on me as she does all the time and the nearly 4 year old is sitting in the sofa having snuck down for a snack so I may not be the best thing to ask. Go to bed with the 4 month old as soon as she is asleep. You have a tiny baby and need to get all the sleep you can. DH can deal with the mess.

Make sure you offer the baby both boobs during the night even if she is falling asleep after one.