To discipline or not to discipline....please help with this question

[Amgraves]

Hi All! I'm looking for advice from parents who have two children and have been through the sleep regression of their eldest. I have an almost 3 year old boy and have just given birth to a little girl (she's 4 weeks old). The first few weeks my son was fine, but the last few days he's gone through a massive sleep regression :-(
I'm aware that regressions are totally normal, I'm just not sure how to deal with them!

He's in a big boy bed (has been for 4 months), he has a training light and understands it well (don't come in mum and dads room until the light goes green; used it perfectly in the past - I would hear him wake up, but he never came in our room), we have a solid bed-time routine which we have kept and we were able to leave him in his room awake and he would go to sleep by himself.
Now he wants us in his room to fall asleep and is waking in the night and coming into our room.
I've gone back to sleep training to get him to fall asleep in his own bed when we first put him in bed, and this seems to be working. HOWEVER, I have no idea what to do in regards to the night time wakings. If I try to put him back in his bed, he has a total breakdown and is screaming, and kicking and hitting, just having a total meltdown. So I can't even attempt the sleep training technique, as he won't stay in bed. And if I keep picking him up and putting him back in bed, he is hysterical.

My question: Knowing that he is going through this huge change and is most likely really hurting right now, which is why he is waking up at night, how should we react to his night time wakings? Should we just let him sleep in our bed, or we do be strict and make him go back to his bed, even though this results in a massive breakdown. I'm worried that if we let him in our bed, this will result in him thinking this is the norm, and a year later he'll still be doing it? Or is it just a phase and we should be kind and just give in to him?? I'm really confused what is the best approach.
We are lavishing attention during the day, I'm giving him lots of 1x1 time, and we have kept his bedtime routine, so doing all that we're 'meant' to. I just don't want to start any new 'bad habits', but also understand he is hurting.

On an upside, daycares will re-open on 11th May (I'm based in Amsterdam) so I'm hoping this little bit of routine might help a bit....

Any advice would be much appreciated .

Personally I'd go with 2 huge changes have happened lately so gentle reassurance but gradually stepping back. Maybe a sticker chart for not coming in to you? Leading to a prize?

My friends 4 year old has always been a phenomenal sleeper and even they are experiencing issues with just lockdown, let alone a sibling arriving too.

Youre not alone in this i think a lot of parents are having issues with littlies regressing at the moment. We are having loads here!

Thanks for your input. Indeed that is good to remember that two huge changes have happened. We did take a gentler approach when he woke again in the evening . We also took him to the park for three hours in the afternoon the last few days, and he has been so tired after that that he's again been sleeping through the night. Fingers crossed this continues.

Again I'd say it's just a phase and let him in your bed. Our DS (just turned 4) was always an amazing sleeper but went though a few difficult phases after his younger sibling was born. Longer bedtime routine, wanting in our bed, asking us to sleep with him etc. We just went with it and didn't fight him. Each of the 'bad habits' only lasted a few weeks. He sleeps through in his own bed now.

We had a little "nest" on the floor beside our bed for anybody who felt a bit lonely or scared in the night. It was made from duvets and pillows. We kept doors open at night and the DC knew they could come in and get in the nest whenever they needed, but only to wake us if they were very, very scared. It worked very well.

Thanks again for your input, I know lots of people go through this with their children, and it's good to hear how you coped with it and also to hear that it is just a phase :-)