What am I doing wrong? Advice and guidance please

[36Ames]

Hello,
I could really do with some help/advice. Long post sorry!!
My 6 month old has never slept for particularly long periods of time and I don’t know what to do to help him.

At night he has a set routine which has been in place since he was 2 weeks old of bath, feed, bed and he’s usually fast asleep by 7pm. However, he wakes every 1-2 hours all through the night. We are back to co-sleeping again and although this doesn’t improve the durations of his sleep, from a selfish perspective it’s easier for me as means I can try and get us both back to sleep a lot quicker.

During the day, I used to be able to get him down for naps in his cot which would only be 30mins in duration, but the last few weeks he’s woken as soon as he’s placed in his cot and so he’s back to napping on me (which means he sleeps for around an hour so in that respect it’s better for him as he’s getting longer sleep). (He’ll also sleep well in his car seat if we’ve been out or in his pram.)

In the day, he tends to be ready for a nap every 2 1/2 hours roughly. He is breastfed so I feed him before he goes to sleep and he often falls asleep at the end of his feed, or I cuddle him and pat/rub his back.

His cot is in our room next to my bed. I’d like him to start sleeping in his own room but feel that’s potentially not the best idea until his sleep is a little more settled.

So what am I doing wrong? How can I help him?? Have I got our routine completely wrong?

Any guidance/ advice/tips are greatly appreciated. He’s an extremely happy and alert baby, healthy and thriving, I just want to do my best for him.

Thank you x

Watching with interest. Mine is exactly the same (so at least you can know you're not alone with it, if nothing else!)

I’m sorry you’re in the same boat!
I’ve adapted to the lack of sleep, but I just want him to have quality and restorative sleep rather than such frequent waking.
I’m not expecting him to sleep through, just to have some longer stints ☺️

Firstly there’s no right or wrong. It’s really tough. Your ability as a parent is not related to how long your baby sleeps. You sound like a wonderful, caring mum.

You could try getting him used to going to sleep in his own room, and then co sleep when he wakes after you’ve gone to bed, with the hope that when he does start sleeping longer stints, you can eventually put him back down in his own room rather than bring him in with you. First, spend lots of time in his room in the day for a week or so - nappies, feeds etc- if you don’t already, so he’s familiar with it. Then try your usual bedtime routine but with the final going-to-sleep part in his room. If it’s the same cot as the one in your room that should help.

You're not doing anything wrong, but if you would like to change things try separating feeding from sleeping. Last milk should be at least 45 minutes before bedtime (so do milk before bath) and try to do naps without being fed to sleep. Even if not being fed to sleep having milk too close to sleep time can affect quality of sleep.

I read The Baby Sleep Solution by Lucy Wolfe which I found helpful.

Going down in the cot awake is vital for success.
GP did a sleep plan with me when I told the receptionist I was leaving the pram in the foyer if she didn't give me an appointment!!
If baby is slightly awake then falls asleep - stirs, realises in cot - can resettle.
Baby falls asleep during feed, stirs in a place not your arms - startles wide awake and cries!!
Took me 3 nights to get ds 10 months to sleep all night.
A baby who had spent 10 months in hospital + never slept alone or in the dark!!

Have you tried switching the feed and bath around so that he isn't feeding right before sleep? That way you're more likely to put him down drowsy but awake. Then when he wakes up in the night nothing has changed and he is more likely to be able to soothe himself / settle himself back to sleep.

On the other have if he's falling asleep whilst feeding, or pretty much falling sleepy in your arms and then being put down, when he wakes up in the night everything seems suddenly different to when he went to bed and he'll have to cry out for you.

I'm not an expert at all by the way- just repeating what I've researched!