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Sleep training and angry partner

6 replies

Olivia1987 · 20/04/2020 01:12

I’m trying to do some gentle sleep training with my son he’s 21 months and has never slept through. He wakes multiple times a night and because I’ve been working I’ve become so tired I just bring him into bed with me when he first wakes up about 10:30pm.

His bedtime is 7:30pm after a bath and book a routine which I’ve practically set in stone since he was 6 months old. He just wants me. Even after I bring him into bed he won’t fall asleep unless in my arms. He still wakes up though, it’s the same thing every night. However I have been getting slightly more sleep lately as he has gone from waking every hour to every 3 hours sometimes 2.

I’ve spoken to a lady who is a baby sleep “person” she’s advised me to go into him when he wakes, to lay him down and comfort him and when he’s stopped crying to leave the room so he can fall asleep on his own. That’s something he’s really good at for nap times and at bedtime is getting himself off to sleep. We just need him to do it throughout the night and in his own bed.

Anyway that’s one problem but the other problem is my boyfriend (my sons dad) has got the shortest temper. He’s gotten so angry tonight because our son just won’t settle. (It’s our first night doing it) now it’s got to be tough for a toddler who is so used to sleeping with mummy. Having that comfort taken away will take some time to adjust to. I don’t understand how he thinks that our son should just “go to sleep” if only!!!

It’s really pissed me off and we’ve had an exchange of words. He’s hard to reason with especially once he’s got in a strop. I’m fed up though. I’m tired and I’m the one now who will be doing the rest of the night (I’ve done all night every night since he was born) I get really unhelpful, down right degrading comments from my boyfriend like “he has to be in his own bed!” “Why the f**k doesn’t he just sleep” “oh is that it now he’s only going to sleep 3 hours” “you need to just do it” I know he blames me for all this but he’s never once got up and helped in the night and since being back at work I just tried to get as much sleep as I could to function in the day. He doesn’t say any of this to our son (obviously) but his tone of voice is short and impatient when he’s been going into try and “comfort” and settle him.

I know we’ve got a long road ahead and we’re all stuck inside all day and night. This is going to be really, really hard. I just want my son to have a full nights sleep, better quality and wake up happy and refreshed. Me too haha.

But how on Earth am I meant to deal with a tired miserable toddler and a grumpy tw*t of a boyfriend?? He’s impossible and now I can’t even distance myself from him. Thank goodness for the spare bedroom. Unhelpful pig!

OP posts:
DocusDiplo · 20/04/2020 01:15

He sounds horrible and immature. Sorry OP.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/04/2020 01:16

Is he normally a twat or is he just steuggling tonight if DS is upset? I wouldn't want to raise a child with someone who can't control his temper.

Olivia1987 · 20/04/2020 01:47

Not always. Just when it comes to our sons sleep. He just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand how hard it is because he’s never dealt with it. We’ve had so many disagreements about it. I’m going to have to do this on my own really. It was stupid to try and get him involved. I didn’t realise he’d become so unreasonable. I agree he is being immature.

OP posts:
newatbabystuff · 25/04/2020 07:30

I’m having sortof similar issues - my DP is easily stressed and finds it hard to sleep himself so when he’s sleep deprived he’s just not got the patience for a toddler. Our 14 month old has never slept through, I feed him to sleep and he gets up 2 or 3 times a night but will always settle easily if I feed him. I’m fine with this and have learned to cope but my DP insists on taking turns going in to make it fair - but baby settles for him then wakes up within 10 mins wanting me, so DP gets pissed off with that too. I think he has a bit of a complex about feeling useless because i did so much the first 6 months when he didn’t really know what to do or wasn’t that interested, and now he feels like he’s not pulling his weight. I can’t cope with his grumpiness as well as my own sleep depravation but i know i don’t want to do sleep training so i feel stuck too. I feel like I’ll have to fix it on my own because DP doesn’t have the patience for sleep training or night weaning.

not really any advice but solidarity - it would be so much easier if they would take over for a night or two but i just can’t cope with hearing him have a bad mood around the baby.

Lllot5 · 25/04/2020 07:40

Keep your toddler in bed with you. Get rid of your dickhead boyfriend.

Toastingthebun · 26/04/2020 19:58

That sounds tough. You really need your partner to understand your needs and be supportive of your parenting approach.

Choose a time in the daytime when he's calm and in a good mood when you can talk through the approach to bedtimes and naptimes that you'd like to take, why (include any evidence or books you've read), and perhaps find a couple of youtube videos to explain the approach you want to take. And take the opportunity to educate him - without arguments.

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