Baby’s Poor sleep and mental health

[Nasa89]

im Loosing it today. My 11 months old doesn’t sleep during the day unless she goes out in the pram. The thing is, I don’t like going for alone walks, it makes me very anxious thinking of all the things I have to do at home, just the basics like cooking! Also when I go for a walk alone I get bored, so intrusive thoughts keep popping in and my mind starts analysing things obsessively . today I got her for a walk and 10 mins after she fell sleep, I went home So I could empty the grocery bags from the shopping. 5 mins after she wakes up. She is narky & sleepy but I cannot get her to sleep so now I am angry with her, sitting on the floor watching her play because if I go 1 foot away from her to cook, she will cry. I know this is ridiculous, but that’s how I feel. I can’t do anything. I can’t eat healthy food anymore just ready to eat meals, I can’t do any workout either because she cries. All I ask for is 1 hour a day to cook something, do the laundry and have a bit of independence. I feel like a very bad mother. I had 0 patience before having her and I can be very unreasonable when I get anxious. I think she is annoying which is not her fault because is a child and I knew this when I got pregnant. I’m just surprised at my low threshold and how my other friends transformed when they had the baby & don’t seem to mind having a child stuck to them 24 hours. I also seem to be the only one who hates slings and having a baby so close to you, annoying you & making u uncomfortable. I guess if she slept better during the night and 1 hour a day I would cope better. in a way I have given up, the days I set myself goals such as baking a practice cake for her birthday or exercising I end up angry and anxious/depressed as I end up not being able to do anything and her in tears. The days I just play a bit with her and scroll through social media while she plays besides me we are all ok. Of course this is not sustainable unless I hire a maid and kill Half of my brain cells.
I don’t like the idea of sleep training but maybe I should try. It sounds like a dream that you just your child into bed and you can go off and do things

Sorry you feel so dreadful. It can be an exhausting and soul destroying experience, particularly if you are on your own (which it sounds like). Please consider speaking to a GP or health visitor. I found a GP better but that's just me and my experience.

Also you say you go for a walk alone. Who is minding the baby when you do?

What does her nighttime sleep look like? Can you wear earphones when you take her out for a walk alone and listen to some nice podcasts or similar? Or call a friend whilst you walk?

Will she go in a jumperoo or play in a ballpit type set up while you do some cooking or have a bit of downtime?

My instinct from what you write is that you have some of the hallmarks of postnatal depression and would benefit hugely from confiding in a GP or health visitor about how you are feeling. Sleep deprivation and lack of self care time is awful and that alone can make the most mentally robust mother feel low. But the way you describe your feelings and the intrusive thoughts makes me think it is leaning more towards pnd.

Bellinisurge I meant me alone with the baby. Her sleeping pattern at night is waking up 3 times a night on a very good night, 6 other nights. Boob to sleep at 8pm (it takes her about 40 mins to fall sleep) , wakes up at around 7.
I started sertraline 3 months ago however I kept forgetting taking the tablets and started messing up with my head. Even if I set up an alarm, the baby needs changing or a feed and by the time Im done I have already forgotten about taking the tablet. Sometimes I would remember I hadn’t taken the tablet in 2 days.
My husband is great with her. However he works and I have to obviously take care of her. He is getting sick of me being childish and calling him crying for help. We have no family in 200 miles. I just feel my behaviour and thoughts keep making me miss things in life. I’m childish in a bad way and I can’t trust myself

Her nightime sleep sounds very similar to what I have experienced with my babies, so you really have my sympathy as it is knackering.

I’m glad your husband is supportive and helps when not at work. Could you task him with giving you your sertraline every day? So you both really prioritise it? Set an alarm on his phone and have an agreement that you take the time to take it, regardless of what baby needs / wants at that time. I firmly believe that you will start to feel better if you take it consistently and daily for a proper period of weeks / months.

I have so much sympathy for you OP. My second DS was an awful sleeper, I’d never experienced anything like it. He woke every 30 minutes, day and night for the whole of the first year. Even now at 2 and a half he still wakes multiple times a night and has never slept for more than three hours at once.

I did develop PND and I’m sure that the lack of sleep had a lot to do with it. In the end the only thing that has helped me to deal with it is to stop being angry/annoyed about it and to stop comparing his sleep with others. He doesn’t sleep well and I can’t change that. But I can change how I react to it. I can choose to not worry about it and to just go with it. One day he will sleep.

I'm so sorry, you sound really down.

I felt like this with my son who was a map refuser and a pretty crap sleeper too. I just wanted a bit of time alone and I wanted to not be exhausted all the time. Also I find babies boring - I just do. If you do too, that's ok!

But you must ask for help. Your husband needs to know how you feel. Dad's aren't protected from tiredness just because they work.

Sleep training worked for me in 3 days. But you sound like you will need your partner on board. How are your finances right now? I hired a sleep consultant who talked me through it over Skype and the phone. Happy to pass on details privately if that would help.

I really feel for you, I said to my husband yesterday how miserable I would be if I had to be locked down with my son at this age. I don't know how I would have coped.

Have you tried a snoozeshade? Godsend

Thank you for your replies. Many days I am ok and enjoy playing with her, walk with her for an hour and even manage to cook something quick. Other days, everything is too much and I feel like an awful mother.
I’m not sure anymore about te starting sertraline. It is not going to give me the ability to cope with stress, with something not going according to plan, or feeling unwanted or that Nothing is worth the hassle. I took a ssri 8 years ago for a year and it didn’t do anything for me. I still got anxious/depressed for every small thing on my way. The only thing that ever helped me is working a lot so I don’t have time to think, get bored or analyse anything

I felt so stressed for you just reading your post. Never getting a break from an 11 month old is like torture. Do you want to keep breastfeeding or do you want to stop?
I think sleep training is your only real solution to never getting a break. It is very hard to do when you’re already worn down and anxious though

I want to keep breastfeeding, it is very handy to calm her down 😂😂
Where can I find information about sleep training? There are a lot of methods online I wouldn’t know which one to follow

Let her cry OP, she is old enough to learn she can't have her own qway 24/7. You need to start disciplining her and being the parent or this will never end.
Stick her in ne of those doorframe bouncy seats and cook or in a high chair. You will be right there so not neglecting her in another room, grit your teeth and cook.
She will learn really quickly.