Help! Warning: long post ahead

[S082018]

My little one is going to be 10 weeks old this week. He is mostly breastfed although has two bottles of formula a day. I follow the EASY routine during the day which works well and I’m very mindful of his wakeful times between his naps and try to get him back down for a sleep after about 1.5 hours of him waking.

Here’s my dilemma:

For his daytime naps, he will sleep perfectly in my arms. I will hold him for 20 minutes or so until I know he is in a deep sleep and will slowly and gently place him down in his next to me crib. The minute I place him down, his eyes ping open like he’s never been asleep! He will lay there content and babble to himself but after 5 minutes he will start to cry. The minute I pick him back up again, he falls straight to sleep in my arms. I won’t let him cry it out at such a young age and will only consider sleep training later on down the line if I need to.

I have tried the following:
⁃ swaddling (although he is no longer swaddled as he is close to exceeding the maximum weight in his grosnug - he sleeps in a sleeping bag and has had some ok nights in this)
⁃ White noise (I still use this for nighttime and day naps all night)
⁃ Putting a piece of my clothing down for him to sleep on that smells of me
⁃ Making the room dark with curtains closed (both at night and in the day)

He has no set wake up time as this varies each morning and no set “bedtime” although I do try to take him upstairs for 8/8.30pm each night. I wind him down by doing a massage to some lullabies in a dimly lit room, place him in his sleeping bag and feed him. He usually falls asleep feeding. Some nights he’s asleep by 8.30pm, other nights it’s 10.30/11pm! The only time this doesn’t work so well is on the evenings when he has a bath (he baths every other night). When he has a bath, he wants to sleep straight away and isn’t interested in feeding. The sleep he has after a bath is a little catnap though.

He is asleep at the moment in his nursing pillow right in the middle of our bed. Whilst I’m pleased he’s asleep and having a good nap, I worry that He’s not getting used to his crib and it’ll make it harder in the long run.
Just last night he was awake every 1.5 hours fussing and fidgeting (eyes closed) but would settle immediately after being picked up.
I love having cuddles with him but it’s not realistic to be holding him all day. My husband now sleeps in the spare room and it’s beginning to impact on our relationship.

I have read that things will settle down come 12 weeks so do I just ride it out in the hope that things will get better and he will eventually sleep in his crib or is there more I can be doing?

Help please!! And apologises in advance for the really long post...

Firstly, 10 weeks is so tiny! I absolutely promise things will settle over the coming weeks and months. Everything sounds perfectly normal for a 10 week old, but I understand your worries. Firstly, have you tried getting him to nap in other ways - by rocking a Moses basket or a pram inside? I used to rock my DS in his pram in my living room until he was asleep (also had a fab product called a Rockit which rocked the pram for me) eventually I was able to transition him to a cot and pat and shush, and now at 8 months he can self settle. Also, you mentioned him fussing every 1.5 hours at night but with his eyes shut? Have you considered not picking him up? If he isn't awake and crying it might just be one of those weird baby sleep things, and he might learn to soothe himself back to sleep. That might help in the long term too - as he might fuss less often! Obviously if he cries, that's different, but just for fussing with eyes shut I would ignore! Good luck and I promise things get easier.

He is still very little. If he prefers being held when he naps, could you hold him? You could try wearing him in a sling or carrier if you prefer to be able to move about. He will grow out of it sooner or later and it may not be something to worry about greatly. It is quite normal for a breastfed baby to wake regularly overnight for a feed and a cuddle. Using a next to me crib, nursing whilst lying down and then shuffling him back into his crib may help - you both may find it easier to get back to sleep. It is quite soon to be giving yourself a hard time about what sort of habits your baby is forming.

It is hard in the early months, but what l used to do is follow the gina Ford routine with some tweaks that suited my DD, ( l NEVER left her to cry)
So up at 7.30 feed, burp nappy, chatting/singing, playgym, not being held all the time but being nearby, 9.30 feed, nappy, nap time in cot in dark room, to get her used to self settling.
l would lie her down with my arms encircling her and shushing constantly until she dropped off, (This did entail being on my knees beside her cot for 30 minutes)

She would sleep for an hour at that age then play/cuddles/playgym etc, often l would put her down wherever l had jobs to do and chat to her whilst l did them.
12.30 feed, nappy, in cot for nap as before, once she dropped off l would try and slip out, if she woke l would sit on the floor by the cot with one arm around her, (and a book in the other!) shushing until she dropped off
Sometimes l spent the whole time there but as time went on, l could take my arm back, but stay in the room, then move to doorway, sit and shush. By 4 months (16 weeks) she would only take a few minutes to go off to sleep, and l could leave. This only really works if it is a consistant routine. I preferred to have a happy good sleeper to being out and about.

Lunchtime naps lasted until 2pm ish , so feed, nappy, play, bath or shower with me, feed and short held nap for 15 minutes at 5pm.

Bedtime at 7.30pm. with sleepy feed in dark room at 10.30pm and again at 4.30pm. But always up to start the day at 7.30 or it didn't really work at all.

By 5 months she could be dropped gently into her crib in a dark room for all her naps and left immediately without ever crying, and l had the hour 9.30 -10.30 and lunchtimes from 12.45 till 2.30 ish to myself.

Plus evenings from 7.30pm..

But not all babies are the same it took my son a bit longer to settle into a good routine say 6-7 months.

It is wrong to leave small babies to cry, but fine to very slowly let them self settle in tiny increments. It is also finer to not hold them all the time, as long as they can hear you nearby they are often fine for a while. I used to leave my son in his basket on a wide kitchen island looking up at the sky and trees, and he would happily gurgle away whilst l cooked or cleaned for up to an hour...

Some babies just won't be happy though so then a sling is good, as pp said, although l have a back injury so that was not an option for me.

10 weeks is so young, just go with it 😁

Only thing I picked up was you are following the EASY routine in the day. Why is this? Because if you are feeding to sleep at night that kind of defeats the objective of EASY.

10 weeks is very tiny so wouldn't really do this now but if you want to follow this routine you should be feeding downstairs maybe then bath then sleep. Although I didn't start doing that with my baby until he was about 6 months.

That emoji should have been a smile, no idea what went wrong there!

Thank you all for your replies!

@hodgepodge21 I'm glad to hear it will get better! He doesn't sleep in his Moses basket any more as he has outgrown this! For the past two nights I have been able to resist picking him up when he is fussing and lo and behold he has eventually settled back down which is a win 😊

@jamtomorrow1 I do love holding him whilst sleeping but it's just not realistic to do all day for every nap! I just wouldn't get anything done in the day. I know he's still really young I guess I just needed to hear that it's ok and all normal and that he will eventually grow out of it! Thank you

@Dragongirl10 I have GF's book the contented baby routine and I really felt it to be so rigid! I understand it works for some and maybe in time when my little one is a bit older maybe I will take some tips from it but personally I feel it's too rigid for a 10 week old! Sounds like you got on really well with it though.

@Russell19 the EASY routine works great in the day, I guess for me I just had it in my head that bedtime means winding down, a feed then sleep? Hence why he tends to fall asleep whilst feeding!

I'm hearing that the general consensus is that he is still really young and all of this is normal which is fine and I can absolutely come to terms with it I just needed to hear that things will eventually settle and we're not developing bad habits early on 😁 thank you all for your responses.

@S082018 but if you are following EASY in the day you are kind of breaking all of that routine at night. Instead you could feed, bath then get him to sleep. Or there's not much point doing it in the day if you see what I'm getting at?