Help me please, 18mo still doesn't sleep

[Maltay]

My 18mo DD is still BF. She has free access to boob in the day. She goes to bed really well at night in her own cot. The problem comes when she wakes about 10pm and she doesn't want to go to sleep. There's usually an hour or two of boob gymnastics where you think shes gone to sleep but then she leaps to the other boob.

She's never slept through but she used to dream feed 3or 4 times a night and I could cope with it. I cannot cope with this, last night I swear she never stayed still, she slept on my head, she slept across me, she constantly kicks etc. Then she fully wakes herself up and wants to go downstairs - cue meltdown when I say no.

She does seem to be going through a bit of a developemental thing with her speech at the moment but I've had a week of incredibly broken sleep and I just can't do it anymore

I'm considering leaving her cot all night come what may. Should I go in when she wakes with boob? With a drink of water? Leave her to cry?
I'll try and send her dad (he's volunteered to help) but he sleeps like the dead so I can see it's going to be pointless waking him.
Other people's babies always seemed to have slept through by 12 weeks d but here I am 18mo later still living on 2-3 hours sleep.

Oh and she still will only nap on me. Am I doing this all wrong?

I think you need to cut out night feeds. She won’t need them for nutrition at this stage but she will be very used to having mum come in and give attention. I’m a big fan of sleep training so would definitely recommend that but I know it’s not for everyone. At the very least I’d have your DH do nights. Put in ear plugs and let him get on with it, if he takes longer to go to her she may also end up going back to sleep on her own.

Firstly stop comparing your baby to others @Maltay, it’s not helpful to you as your baby is unique to you. Remember that you’ve created this amazing little person and she’s your baby following your family rules and routines, not anyone else’s.

Something that helped me was night weaning. I’ve posted on here (under different guises) of my way of doing this, but have a read Dr Jay Gordon’s sleep patterns for some pointers.

We loosely followed his method, although we weren’t co sleeping by this point (though the blog is kind of written for co sleepers and breast feeders) but it really gave me some perspective of what I wanted to do.

My DD was 14 months and I was on my knees. I sent the blog to DH, and we planned it - with both of us geared up for specifically settling and cuddling/reassuring, only offering water and continually communicating “no milk till morning” or “milk all gone, cuddle/water instead”

As she was older, like your dd, she got it pretty quickly (day 2 from memory) - you’d be surprised when you communicate clearly and concisely, they soon give in.

You have to be strict - pick your 7 hours of no feeding and set up a space to be able to cuddle and reassure. Again from memory, around 10-11pm she’d wake up. I’d feed and that would be the last one. I’d even tell her, “last feed” or “milky gone now” so that it didn't send her back to sleep. Then that would be it, we’d cuddle, she’d get shitty with me/DH but give in. We saw an instant difference in her feeding pattern - next morning would be a “proper” feed (compared to on/off feeding) and she was a bit more clingy during the day, but it was all about reassurance and talking to her about mummy’s milk gone after 11pm. It was pretty painless by day 4, had the odd wake up, but DH would go in, and because she knew, she gave up before even trying.

Thank you both so much for replying! I will definitely give that a read.
Another sleepless night and I've definitely realised she's not 3mo old anymore and needs boob for everything.
Nice to know it's not just me x

We are having very similar issues with my 17 month old! She slept through in her cot for four glorious months but since Christmas she’s been in our bed more and more until it got to the point she’d refuse to go down in her cot at bedtime at all. In with us she was fidgeting and on and off the boob all night and I was on my knees with lack of sleep.

What we’ve been trying for a week or so now is a very gradual retreat. We discovered she’ll lie down and sleep with a hand on her back, so we put a single mattress down next to the cot. Someone sits with her until she sleeps, then we have our evening to ourselves, and when she wakes for the first time (anywhere between 10-1 atm) we alternate one of us going down to sleep on the mattress next to her, putting a hand on her to settle as needed. Just over a week in, she’s not crying at all at bedtime (although chattering for nearly an hour but we’ll take it at the moment!), and through the night is needing less settling with a hand on her back. Hopefully soon we’ll be able to start moving the mattress away and out of the room, it’s definitely going to take a while though! We are at least each getting a less broken nights sleep alternate nights though.

Oh and night feeds at the moment, some nights I’ll feed her at first wake up (if it’s my turn) and some nights if it’s DH’s then she manages from her bedtime feed until 5ish when she’s waking up. We’re hopefully going to work on the early start too eventually 🤪

And finally we gave her a pillow and allowed her to have her baby doll in her cot with her which seems to make it more comfy and cosy for her.

It may also be a good time to introduce a pillow and quilt with the side of the cot down.

Thanks again for the replies I will look at that.
Miss Molly I really feel your pain, somehow boob has gone from soothing to distracting and making her fidget.
Wish me luck tonight in going to try the method someone mentioned before (can't remember any names, brain fried) so 3 nights of feeding when she wakes but putting her in her cot. We'll see how it goes, her willpower is frequently stronger than mine but can't carry on with this amount of broken sleep!

Good luck! A year and a half in I really thought there’d be more sleep now! One day...!

It can be hard but important to remember at this age they should be getting enough calories and nutrition from food throughout the day that they dont actually need fed. Its a comfort/habit thing. If you persevere through a really hard week or 2 of refusing to bring them in to your bed, offer water (if they are thirsty they will drink it), a cuddle, their dummy if they use one, and resettle. Will be tough to keep consistent with it but be so much for you all getting a good rest in the long run! Good luck with whatever you try :)

It worked really well! She woke up at 10.30 so I fed her then DH soothed her back to sleep, woke up at 12.30 but only needed a back rub. I may have let myself down a bit because when she woke at 3 I just went on autopilot and took her into our bed but she slept til 7. Plan to do same tonight, hope it wasn't just beginners luck!