SIDS fears and questions

[Eggcellent29]

Hello everyone!

Like many FTMs that I’ve spoken to, I’ve been totally shitted up by HVs and midwives giving information about SIDS.

I am struggling to get answers to questions about the risk factors as health care professionals that I speak to just repeat the Lullaby Trust website and information that I already know without actually answering!

I pop baby in his Next To Me at night so I have a clear view of him. He has a monitor on his tummy for breathing, temp and roll over so I would know if something went wrong as the alarm is like an air raid siren!

But I still can’t sleep from worry.

My LO will only sleep on his side or on me. He spends the day in a carrier but at night he has to go in his cot! He is very snotty (HV and GP have told me it’s normal and will pass) and side sleeping seems to be the only way he can snooze - on his back he chokes himself awake which is horrid for him and beyond terrifying for us!!

Does anyone out there know if side sleeping in itself increases the risk of SIDS, or is the fact that they could roll forward on to their tummy the problem?

I also panic endlessly about overheating. I know that you should feel their neck or chest but he always feels warm to me! Husband always says he feels fine. How do you guys judge it? I don’t want to make him cold either, ugh!! Also, what level of overheating are we talking about when it cleans to SIDS? I feel like if he even just gets a bit hot then something terrible will happen!

Apologises for he rambling post - sleep deprivation is a bitch!

@woollylizard thank you we don’t actually co-sleep, only sometimes, as most of the time she is fine in her Moses basket after falling asleep on me. But if we do, I do what you just said In the first couple of weeks I would fall asleep with her on my chest almost every time (oops) but now seem to have that more under control. It’s all so worrying!

It’s such a worrying time op. I’m no expert on current advice but please remember that’s sids is very rare, and of those terrible statistics (I think about 200 babies per year in U.K. die of sids) many will have major risk factors such a smoking/drug use leading to unsafe sleeping in the home.

The thing about SIDS advice, in fact the whole of raising a child Eggcellent29 and yelyahyoung is it is not about reducing all risk to zero. It is about managing risk, not eliminating risk.

It's impossible to reduce your risk to zero. There will always be a risk. There are some things you can do to reduce the risk. There are lots of things that many families do knowing that there is a risk involved, but by making an informed decision it is risk they decide, on balance, to take.

Cosleeping is a great example for this. Cosleeping (even safely) carries an increased risk of SIDS. That is why perfect advice is for baby to have its own cot, seperate to you.

But... (!) Cosleeping itself has benefits which need to balance against the risks. The benefits of Cosleeping don't take the risks away, but you can make informed choices to manage the risks in ways/as safe as possible.

Swaddling is another thing. And sling use. These things do carry a risk, like cosleeping. But parents make that choice to use them.

Lots of parents decide, on balance, that they are going to go against SIDS advice. They might do this because they decide the benefits outweigh the risk.

The reason I'm anal (sorry) about correct SIDS advice and research is because what is really important is that you make an informed choice based on the facts. Not a choice based on ignorance of the risks.

To place the cold, hard facts at your door - the risk of SIDS is absolutely tiny. Really, really low chance even with risk factors at play. But the chance is there, it will never be zero. What you must remember is SIDS is about babies dying. I know it's horrible to think about but the/reason this advice is here is to try to ensure your own child doesn't die.

I'll reitterate that the changes are very low. But if your child was to die if SIDS, you need to justify to yourself if the risk you took was worth it.

It is ok to take these risks. They will always be there. But you need to know that if you take a risk you feel ok in your own, personal, justification for that risk.

So yelyahyoung - falling asleep with baby on you is an increased risk of SIDS. And Eggcellent29, your baby sleeping on its side is an increased SIDS risk. Both of you can choose to know there is a risk and still do it because you can justify your reasoning to yourself.

But to do that, you have to know the facts. The Lullaby Trust website is the place to get those facts to allow for an informed decision.

Read Cribsheet, it was the only place I could really find specific data about SIDS, it was very reassuring. I also had a really hard sleeping at first.

Also, the risk of your child dying in a car accident is higher than the SIDS risk, just to put it in perspective!