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Have I done something to stop baby from napping on his own?

1 reply

LondonKiwi123 · 07/04/2020 18:27

(reposting from 'parenting' thread)

Hi all. I'm looking for some success stories and practical advice that worked for getting baby to nap on their own.

My DS is 7 weeks old and only naps on me or DH. For the first few weeks, he used to nap fine during the day in his nest but suddenly stopped doing it. I'm guessing this was due to the sleepy early weeks where he would have slept anywhere coming to an end - or maybe we did something to make him feel it wasn't safe to sleep on his own anymore!

There might be no connection at all but around the time he stopped napping on his own, I got very anxious about coronavirus. Combined with anxiety around getting him to sleep at night and general new mum panic, I think this may have left a negative impression on him. I thought I might have pnd because of my history of depression, but am generally feeling ok now.

Because both myself and DH are at home atm, we are able to take turns holding him but I'd like to gently help DS feel like it's ok to nap on his own too. I worry that the longer we leave it the less likely DS will learn to do this.

I've had a good search for old posts here and most reassure that it's a fourth trimester thing, and that eventually babies get the hang of it. And to enjoy it while it lasts. Thing is, once lockdown is over and DH goes back to work, I don't think I can cope with all naps on me. What I know about myself is that I don't have the temperament to be sat for hours on the sofa. It gets me down to be restricted like that, and I really struggled with this realisation in the first few weeks. Since DH and I have established a routine of sorts for who holds him when (and generally sharing the care), I've felt a lot better. So for that reason, it's personally important to me to know that I've tried my best to get DS to nap on his own so that I stay in a healthy headspace. I'd still like to do say one nap a day holding him because I appreciate that he won't be little forever.

Some more info that might help:

  • He'll nap for 30 mins in the buggy (only tried a few times as we haven't been out much!). Also similar length of time for first nap of the day (when he is still very sleepy) if I gently lower him onto our bed and keep hugging him for a bit till he looks relaxed. Otherwise can nap 2+ hours on us, sometimes back to back with feed in between
  • He naps in his sling if I remember to try it. Although this offers mobility, it's the headspace I'm after so I'd like another option
  • Depending on time of day (and reasons that have no rhyme or reason!) DH and I either walk, pat or rock him to sleep. Rarely, he'll drift off in our arms on his own. He's a fairly big baby - 8lb 15oz at birth - so I don't know how much longer I can walk/rock him to sleep. Have no idea what he weighs now because all weighing clinics are cancelled, and he won't have his 6 week check until I have no idea when. But he's definitely getting heavy! His size is another reason why I'd like to find a way for him to fall asleep on his own (with me by his side)
  • At night he sleeps in his co-sleeper. Still waking 5 or 6 times a night with 1-2 hour sleeps. Unfortunately I don't have one if those babies that is doing 5 hour stretches already! Generally will feed to sleep and put him down when he's in a fairly deep sleep. Have tried doing this when he is drowsy but he doesn't like it! It took some work to get him to sleep in co-sleeper consistently with plenty of patting and picking up if he got upset. I thought this might work for naps but it hasn't! Have tried dim room, white noise, awake but drowsy etc

Anyway, if you're still reading thanks so much and thanks in advance for any practical suggestions you may have for me to try 😀 Or if yours has always just slept on their own, please tell me how you do it!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Peelspeelspeels · 07/04/2020 21:59

Congratulations on your baby!
Unfortunately I don’t have the answer you want, but it might help in the situation your in. A lot of your post resonates with my experience - my son stopped being put-downable for naps at about 7/8 weeks, wouldn’t self settle or take a dummy, would fall asleep in the pram or car but wake up as soon as it stopped moving etc. He napped either on me or in a moving buggy until he was about 8 months and we did gradual retreat sleep training (started at 7 months at night then from 8 months for naps). Like you anticipate, I really struggled mentally with having to sit on the sofa/in bed so much with him, and feeling so restricted. What helped was:

  1. when he was very young, accepting I couldn’t force him to change. He was a new human who didn’t understand the world and wasn’t going to settle for less than he wanted. I tried everything - sleepyhead, hot water bottle, waiting different lengths of time before putting down etc, but it didn’t work, except to make me feel more stressed and like I’d “failed” somehow. He’s 16 months now and now I see his personality, which is very strong minded, I see why he didn’t want to be put down.
  2. making the best of the situation. Before nap time I’d get a hot drink in a travel mug, snack, water bottle, phone, tv remotes, headphones etc all lined up so I could watch/listen to something I wanted and try to enjoy it. When he was a bit older - 3 months onward - I’d take him to bed in the afternoon and feed him to sleep lying down and rest/nap next to him (I was knackered from the constant night wakings).
  3. listening to affirming voices from other mums/parents and ignoring the “rod for your own back” brigade.

Of course, all children are different and maybe your son will get the hang of napping solo quicker than mine!

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