What can I do to change this unsettled behaviour?

[Bethlats]

Hi. I’m desperately in need of some help. New to this, so excuse the lack of abbreviations! So, I have a nearly 5 year old boy and a 18 week old girl. Basically I just don’t get any time with my son. I’m exclusively breastfeeding my daughter. She will not sleep unless she’s on me or in the pram. At 12 weeks she started only taking 30 minute naps and waking up crying, with me being unable to put her down. This has continued. My average day - wake up 7am for a feed and get up. Take daughter for a nap by 9am, breastfeed her to sleep and then have to stay with her. She wakes after 30 mins and cries. We get up and I have to carry her around. Within an hour she’s screaming, so we go upstairs and repeat. When my son was at school she wouldn’t nap after 2:30pm and would be screaming by 5pm. Now he’s off school I either have to stand with her screaming most of the day, or leave my son and take her for a nap. Even then she’s still screaming by 5pm. I’m not getting an evening meal and I’m in bed by 7pm every night. What can I do????? I am really struggling, especially now that we’re home all day together. Anyone any advice? I’ve never been one to leave a baby to cry, and the health visitor says it’s not safe at this age, but it’s really, really bad. My husband works from home, but is little help.

Will your daughter nap in a sling? Can your husband take her? My little girl is 20 weeks and still only naps on people - i feed her to sleep and then slide her over to my husband, who sits on the sofa with her for 30-90min while doing emails/reading, so i get a break. Works really well.

Maybe she might need a top up with a bottle in between to fill her for longer to help her sleep. Also then your husband can take a turn. X

She will go in the sling, but so far she hasn’t fallen asleep in it. She cries a lot in it though. I’ll keep trying. The problem with trying to move after a feed is, if she stirs she immediately needs the boob to settle, and if it’s not there she just wakes up and cries.
Thank you for your suggestions. Much appreciated. It’s all really getting me down. All the HV suggests is putting her down awake and tying to cuddle her to sleep - which just won’t happen as she cries and cries and cries. They tell me not to let her cry as she’s too young. I’m wondering if I’m timing her naps wrong. I also forgot to add, she won’t sleep downstairs. She will only fall asleep upstairs where there’s no distractions - same with feeding!

Try an app called Huckleberry to try to help time her naps better. You input details like feeds, nappies etc and it helps you work out the right time to put them down for a nap. Found it spookily accurate and it has helped with DD2.

Thanks goodthanks, I’m going to look that up now!