Wits end with poor sleeper

[Crunchiecravings]

Hi everyone

I’m looking for some advice with my 5.5 month old baby who is a very poor sleeper. He’s my second, and my first baby has always been a pretty good sleeper so this has totally thrown me.

It is very hard to get him to nap in the day. He sleeps in his cot in my room, and I use the method of changing his nappy in a dark room with no talking, then into sleeping bag and into the cot with his dummy. I will then leave the room and come back to replace the dummy every few minutes if he is whinging or crying. This method worked really well for my DD and she is now a really good sleeper (touch wood!). This however does not work 80% of the time and I end up bringing him back downstairs and trying again a short while later but each time this happens he is getting more and more tired which in turn makes it harder to get him to sleep. I don’t have time to do shushing and patting or anything like that as I also have a 19 month old and feel awful leaving her on her own downstairs for so long.

Then comes the night time. He will go down at bedtime without too much fuss but then needs resettling quite often throughout the night. I assume this is at the end of each sleep cycle and he is starting to wake up rather than linking the cycles together. He goes down at 6 and then wakes up properly for a feed at 11 and it can then take up to 2 hours to get him back to sleep. He is then up for the day at 3.30am (hence my post at this time of morning) as he just will not go back to sleep and I can’t risk him waking up my DD as she is very grumpy if she doesn’t get her full night’s sleep. I should add he is definitely still tired when he wakes up at this time but will not sleep.

This can’t be healthy for him surely? I spend so much of my day trying to get him to sleep and while my DD is quite happy to amuse herself I feel awful leaving her. I am also extremely tired and while my DH does help out a lot at night and gets up with him in the early mornings so I can get another couple of hours sleep before the awful day starts, it’s causing a lot of arguments between us. We are both so tired.

Does anybody have any advice? I assume it’s just a case of waiting it out but I don’t know how much longer I can cope with it

Thank you in advance.

I think you need to put more time into your 5 month old. It sounds like in trying to not leave your older child you are then leaving your younger one (who probably needs you more)

They obviously aren't ready to self settle. You're going to have to rock/pat etc for now and you are going to have to do that at 3.30am too. You can't just get the baby up to stop them crying.

5 months is still so small , I rocked , fed , walked , drove them to sleep for much longer than that. They rely on you for everything still and need the comfort so just give it , even if they nap on you whilst you watch CBeebies with your other little one. I used to worry eternally that I was setting myself up for a child who would never sleep alone or self settle , but all mine did in their own time and all at different times. 9 months , 12 months and 18 months and I did the same with them all !
My mum always said take the quickest route to sleep and she wasn’t wrong.
It’s exhausting and hard at the mo but just do what you need to survive and don’t be worried about supporting them to get to / stay asleep.

Thank you for your advice x

Get a carrier for your DS to nap in during the day, at least then you can still play with your DD, go out for a walk etc etc

I’m afraid I have no advice about nighttime, my DS is the same age and is even worse at night, I co sleep with him as he wakes every 1-2 hrs and won’t go in his cot it’s the only way I get rest myself! Just gave my sympathies!!

Oh @BorahT that sounds really hard . Thank you for your advice. Wishing us both better sleep soon!