3 yo won’t stay in bed - please help!

[ElleEmby]

I have a 3 year old who is with me 5 nights a week and wakes up almost every night around 3am and wants to get into bed with me. I know this doesn’t bother some people but I sleep really badly when she’s in with me - she sleeps pressed right up against me and tosses and turns throughout the night. I work full time and when I’m not at work I’m looking after her on my own so I really a decent night’s sleep before either of those things. The 2 nights I don’t have her she’s with her dad and sleeps with him throughout the night but apparently not all over him so it doesn’t bother him. I know it’s not ideal to have two different regimes but she’s usually pretty good about doing different things in different houses and there’s no point asking him to change what he does with her. I find that the nights I don’t have her I’m still waking up and then lying there panicking about how I need to get back to sleep on one of my free precious nights alone. I am at my wits end. I am so tired. I’ve aged 10 years in the last 3, I have mouth ulcers, I can’t concentrate at work and I’m much less fun as a mum than I should be. I really need her to stay in bed. I’ve tried putting a marble in a jar every time she stays in bed all night with a trip to the gift shop once it’s full which worked for a bit but she’s over that now and I’m back to square one. When I try to put her back in bed she just gets out and comes back into mine. I guess the solution is just to keep doing it until she gets the message but the thought of being up half the night is almost more than I can bear! Has anybody done this successfully? Has anybody tried anything else that’s worked? I’d be really grateful for practical tips or just a bit of solidarity! Love and sweet dreams x

I had 2 boys (now grown up) who were 3 & 2. They loved to create mayhem at night. I was close to lobbing them up to the moon. A hv advised me to put a stair gate on their bedroom doorway and explain that they needed to stay in their room. I’d do bedtime routine, dinner bath book bed, and then sit by the bed until they fell asleep. Next night I’d sit a little further away and so fourth until I was no longer in the room at all when they fell asleep. If they woke in the night, I’d get up put them back in their beds, sit by the bed until they fell asleep initially etc. By day 5 they’d happily get tucked in, fall asleep by themselves and sleep all night. I really didn’t think it would work but it did. It was only stressful the first two days.
Try not to chat to your child if she gets up at night. Just softly say ‘it’s just sleep time’ and limit interaction or eye contact. More you give, more they want.

You could start it all off this weekend by putting in stair gate, decorating it with stickers and getting a new fancy bed covers. Make it an exciting thing, as opposed to ‘ can’t wait till you bugger off to sleep in your own room’

That's tough, and so hard to tackle properly when you're utterly exhausted yourself. Would a happy medium of putting a mattress next to your bed work? That way if she comes in during the night she can be next to you but not right up in your space stopping you from sleeping. Then if it's successful the next step could be getting rid of the mattress or moving it slightly further away in increments.

Making the change will be hard and tiring but not for long compared to the situation you have now, you’re tired anyway! Put a gate up and put back to bed when she gets up. Reward in the morning but something she doesn’t have to wait too long for. Good luck!