3 year old won’t sleep in own bed and is draining the life out of me

[Wheretolive4]

3-year-old refuses to sleep in own bed and always has. In some ways, I decided I would make the most of how lovely it is while DC’s still little. And 3-yr-old sleeps all night when in my bed - except when, for example, they have a cough and wake me up by coughing in my face all night!

I’m drained during the day, and naps are finished so the days feel endless.

I want to enjoy life and have energy again!

How do I get them to sleep in their own bed? (But in a gentle way!)

Sticker chart that they are very involved in with very ‘exciting’ stickers with the promise of incentive of a present at the end of two weeks is only thing that worked for me. I am not normally so transactional but local divine arty, hands-on, super mum gave me the idea as it worked for for her.

As above, bribery is your friend here. Sticker chart leading to bigger reward. DD2 is exactly the same. On the one hand, I usually let it go as I know I will miss it when she is older. But now she is getting bigger and fidgety it’s getting more difficult to sleep.

Thanks both! I will try bribery!

I have been really torn about it until now for the same reason as you, spudina - in a few years, I’ll miss it.

But I’m so exhausted right now that I just put CBeebies on because I can hardly keep my eyes open, let alone play or go out into the sunshine!

My dd went through a phase of wanting to sleep in our bed when she was 3 and when we would try to get her back in her own bed it would be the meltdown of all meltdowns.
I'm like you op, I couldn't sleep properly anymore and wanted my space back.
It took quite a bit , but with persistence we got our bed back. We had to battle through tears and tantrums and loads of bribery but eventually she realised we wasn't going to give in. I felt like a horrible , cruel mum but we all slept much better in the end.

We used sticker charts, bribery and silent retreat when she kept coming in. You can't give in to them once because they'll realise if they keep persisting you'll give in.

It was honestly a horrible couple of weeks but once it's clicked it's a relief. No more getting punched in the face and having the blanket thrown off us.

Explodingcarrots I’m also probably being a bit wimpish as I know the tantrums will happen here! But so glad to hear you got there in the end!

Maybe some major bribes and some new, fun bedding might sweeten the deal...

DS2 got into our bed every single night, he started off in his bed, but always came into our bed during the night, we brought a super king size bed, that way we got some sleep. They do grow out of it eventually OP.

Why worry if he sleeps well except for when he has a cold/cough? Mine co slept with me and husband and we all slept well.

I would be happy for it to carry on, but DH doesn’t like it. And she does kick and throw off bedding etc through the night.

I don’t want it to be an upsetting thing, I want it to happen in a positive way, but I’m definitely ready for it to happen!

The odd night when there’s a nightmare - of course. But, in general, I’d rather it ended.

Do you mind me asking what age yours both grew out of it?

If I knew a natural end was in sight soon, then I wouldn’t force the issue!

Realised I totally contradicted myself there! I am very torn about it all!

My DD still Sleeps on and off in our bed and she is 14 yrs old and 5ft7!!!!!!
The more we took her back to her own bed the worse it got.
In our bed she sleeps well,
she never talked at night, wriggled or kicked us.

She is now at boarding school and I look forward to when she comes home and hops into my bed for a cuddle x

14! Although it does sound lovely that she still comes for you for hugs.

Does she / did she sleep in her own bed some nights?

Another day and I am exhausted!

A bed next to your bed to start with? That's what I did with DS and he sleeps 80% of the night in there and doesn't wake me when he gets in my bed anymore, just scooches (that's not a word) over and tucks himself in. I have to put a stud wall up before he can have his own room but I'm not, personally, in a rush

That’s a good idea, goosey! To get them used to it! It’s the coughing and talking in sleep that’s turning me into a zombie. But I will miss the cuddles a lot. Last baby! (Not that 3 is a baby!)

Sorry I said 'he' instead of 'she', it was a typo, I did realise you had a daughter.

I can't remember when my son stopped coming in to bed with us, I know it was pretty late. My husband told him that if he did come in he had to do it quietly and slide in between us 'like a pencil' :-). He did do that, husband didn't wake but I did briefly so I remember how 'stealthy' our son was; I went back to sleep straight away so not a problem.

A super king sized bed is a good idea and your daughter is old enough to sleep on one side of the bed now, she doesn't have to be in between you but could sleep next to you.

Gooseygoosey suggested a bed next to yours and that sounds like an excellent idea.

I had this issue for a while with my then 2/3 year old and as much as I half enjoyed it, I ended up with no sleep as our bed wasn’t big enough for 3! So I just refused to let him anymore. Every time he woke up, I would take him back to his bed and tuck him in. I didn’t pay him much attention as that would have made it worse. He didn’t like it, and he did get upset which made me feel awful, but after a few bad nights he now sleeps through 99% of the time. All of our sleep has improved, so it was worth the nights of upset.
My incentive to do it was that I was going to be trying for our second baby and I didn’t want to end up in a situation where the baby came and he was kicked out of our room and the baby stayed. Am now 28 weeks and so grateful for the better sleep I’m getting!