Hi everyone. I used to be a ridiculously frequent poster on here, got amazing advice and support, and wanted to pay it back a bit to try and give those of you who are at the stage of holding it together with sugar and caffeine some hope that it WILL get better.
Long story short(ish). I'm mum to two DC, DD4 and DS2. When I was expecting DD, people warned me to expect very little sleep - at first. What they failed to add was that the 'at first' bit actually meant (in my case anyway) 'expect no sleep for at least the first YEAR'.
Yup, DD was the original non sleeper and my god, she almost broke me. The first few weeks, she'd only sleep on me or DH. After that, she'd wake every half hour. Sometimes more frequently. There would be times where things seemed to be improving a bit but would quickly get very bad again.
I was a zombie. Feared for my mental health. Had moments where I'd pretty much zone out and not know where I was. Dreaded every night because I knew how bad it would be. I was breastfeeding and DD wouldn't take a bottle, so it pretty much was all on me.
We survived. Somehow. Co-sleeping helped, although I had to stop bf at 13 months as she was waking loads for a feed when she didn't really need to. Eventually, we got her in her own room and she gradually started to sleep through (mostly) at 2.5 yr old.
Just in time for DS to arrive! Oh yes, that pregnancy was fun.
DS was a bit better. He was born a month early so that first month he spent mostly asleep, which was very fortunate as I had an emergency section with him and could not have dealt with him only sleeping on us like his sister. But once he woke up properly, that was that - he was determined to prove that he took after big sis in the sleep department! His good solid stretch of 4 hours became 3, then 2, and soon we were onto hourly wakings.
Second time around it wasn't so bad, I think, because I was so used to it. That's not to say it wasn't at times very hard going and incredibly exhausting.
However. Here I am, almost 5 years in. DD is fast asleep and prob will be all night. We have to wake her up some mornings because she loves a lie in. Sure, there are occasional nights when she wakes and needs a cuddle, but thankfully these are a rarity. DS sometimes sleeps through, sometimes wakes, depending on whether he is teething or leaping. That's ok, he's only 2, it's what I would expect. He also wakes waaaay too early for the day but we're praying he'll grow out of that...
So yeah, I survived! I still have residual sleep anxiety, haven't slept through since 2014, but compared to how it was, things are SO much better. And I'm now a pro at getting by on very little sleep 
Some tips that worked for me:
- Just because one person has a 'miracle' sleep tip does not mean it will work for your baby. They're all different. By all means, try it, but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work. Especially the really complicated sounding ones that pretty much require a spreadsheet, fairy dust and a cauldron to make them work.
- Letting baby sleep in your bed is NOT making a rod for your own back. Neither is feeding them to sleep. I did both and neither DC are in bed with us now. But DD in particular is very cuddly which is lovely and I think partly a result of our bed sharing. Or maybe not!
- Get your OH, DM or friend to take baby out of the house so you can nap during the day. With DD we were too scared to do this in case she needed feeding immediately. They will be fine being out in the pram for an hour. Really. You need them out the house so you can sleep, being downstairs means the second they wake you will KNOW. Not conducive to good napping.
- Start a support group on here. There are many of us in the same boat and it's a solace to find your people at 3am, who you can swear to and exchange midnight snack cravings with. It can feel like you're the only one with a long term non sleeper but trust me, you are not.
- Last but never least - you are NOT a failure if your baby doesn't sleep. I felt this way a lot. Good sleepers are luck of the draw, if you have one, it's not because you're 'doing it right'. Unless you're playing death metal and screaming at baby at 3am, trust me, you ARE doing it right. Trust me.
Sorry for such a long thread but I really hope it helps at least one person through the early hours desperation barrier (where you end up in tears googling 'can sleep deprivation kill me??')
Remember, everything is a phase and it does pass. And you are stronger than you know.