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There is hope!

5 replies

ColourMeExhausted · 27/02/2020 22:41

Hi everyone. I used to be a ridiculously frequent poster on here, got amazing advice and support, and wanted to pay it back a bit to try and give those of you who are at the stage of holding it together with sugar and caffeine some hope that it WILL get better.

Long story short(ish). I'm mum to two DC, DD4 and DS2. When I was expecting DD, people warned me to expect very little sleep - at first. What they failed to add was that the 'at first' bit actually meant (in my case anyway) 'expect no sleep for at least the first YEAR'.

Yup, DD was the original non sleeper and my god, she almost broke me. The first few weeks, she'd only sleep on me or DH. After that, she'd wake every half hour. Sometimes more frequently. There would be times where things seemed to be improving a bit but would quickly get very bad again.

I was a zombie. Feared for my mental health. Had moments where I'd pretty much zone out and not know where I was. Dreaded every night because I knew how bad it would be. I was breastfeeding and DD wouldn't take a bottle, so it pretty much was all on me.

We survived. Somehow. Co-sleeping helped, although I had to stop bf at 13 months as she was waking loads for a feed when she didn't really need to. Eventually, we got her in her own room and she gradually started to sleep through (mostly) at 2.5 yr old.

Just in time for DS to arrive! Oh yes, that pregnancy was fun.

DS was a bit better. He was born a month early so that first month he spent mostly asleep, which was very fortunate as I had an emergency section with him and could not have dealt with him only sleeping on us like his sister. But once he woke up properly, that was that - he was determined to prove that he took after big sis in the sleep department! His good solid stretch of 4 hours became 3, then 2, and soon we were onto hourly wakings.

Second time around it wasn't so bad, I think, because I was so used to it. That's not to say it wasn't at times very hard going and incredibly exhausting.

However. Here I am, almost 5 years in. DD is fast asleep and prob will be all night. We have to wake her up some mornings because she loves a lie in. Sure, there are occasional nights when she wakes and needs a cuddle, but thankfully these are a rarity. DS sometimes sleeps through, sometimes wakes, depending on whether he is teething or leaping. That's ok, he's only 2, it's what I would expect. He also wakes waaaay too early for the day but we're praying he'll grow out of that...

So yeah, I survived! I still have residual sleep anxiety, haven't slept through since 2014, but compared to how it was, things are SO much better. And I'm now a pro at getting by on very little sleep Grin

Some tips that worked for me:

  1. Just because one person has a 'miracle' sleep tip does not mean it will work for your baby. They're all different. By all means, try it, but don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work. Especially the really complicated sounding ones that pretty much require a spreadsheet, fairy dust and a cauldron to make them work.
  2. Letting baby sleep in your bed is NOT making a rod for your own back. Neither is feeding them to sleep. I did both and neither DC are in bed with us now. But DD in particular is very cuddly which is lovely and I think partly a result of our bed sharing. Or maybe not!
  3. Get your OH, DM or friend to take baby out of the house so you can nap during the day. With DD we were too scared to do this in case she needed feeding immediately. They will be fine being out in the pram for an hour. Really. You need them out the house so you can sleep, being downstairs means the second they wake you will KNOW. Not conducive to good napping.
  4. Start a support group on here. There are many of us in the same boat and it's a solace to find your people at 3am, who you can swear to and exchange midnight snack cravings with. It can feel like you're the only one with a long term non sleeper but trust me, you are not.
  5. Last but never least - you are NOT a failure if your baby doesn't sleep. I felt this way a lot. Good sleepers are luck of the draw, if you have one, it's not because you're 'doing it right'. Unless you're playing death metal and screaming at baby at 3am, trust me, you ARE doing it right. Trust me.

Sorry for such a long thread but I really hope it helps at least one person through the early hours desperation barrier (where you end up in tears googling 'can sleep deprivation kill me??')

Remember, everything is a phase and it does pass. And you are stronger than you know.

OP posts:
Toastiemaker · 29/02/2020 21:06

Thank you thank you thank you!!! I have a beautiful daughter who is 8 months old and a crap sleeper. I am on my knees with tiredness, I can't remember what normal feels like. I have been lurking on this sleep forum at stupid o'clock wondering what happens to all these women who don't sleep. Do they survive? How? Does it actually end? Thank you for letting us know there is the other side and we can get through it! I am still breastfeeding to sleep and at every wake up, anxious at every bed time because I know the torture that will follow. I have aged 20 years in the past 8 months! Shock You post has given me a little more strength to make it through another night. Thank you again

Bronnie2018 · 01/03/2020 12:44

This is such a great post! Thank you @ColourMeExhausted

My DD is now 18 months and I thought I would literally pass out in those early months.

I'm still breastfeeding but she doesn't wake frequently anymore for feeds and hasn't done for a long time.

I wish I'd asked family of friends to help out more when I really needed it ...but it's made me stronger and I feel like I could do anything!!! Baby number 2? Eek! Not sure!

Thank you.

RudyCJ · 03/03/2020 21:04

What a wonderful Mum you are. Your patience and love for your kids is something you should be very proud of!

ColourMeExhausted · 04/03/2020 22:22

Aww just seen these responses! Thank you so much, I was worried I'd come across as patronising, I am really glad it has maybe helped a bit.

Ha ha @bronnie2018 I thought that about number 2, people kept saying we were due a good sleeper but I didn't believe them...I think DH and I just make non sleeping babies Grin Still, you're right, it does make you feel stronger!

Thank you @RudyCJ that is very kind. Did not feel like a wonderful/patient mum all those nights I was crying at DD to just go the hell to sleep though. Poor DH took the brunt of my sleepless rage and I feel so bad about that. But then, he feels guilty that I took the brunt of no sleep, so y,'know, guess we can call it quits!

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ColourMeExhausted · 04/03/2020 22:26

And @Toastiemaker, you're doing so great, I promise you that you've got this, you WILL survive and you'll be back on here reassuring others that they can get through it too! I sympathise though, god it's so tough. I seem to recall 7/8 months was a particularly awful time for us. DD seemed to get worse from 6 months onwards...but she did improve around 10 months (when we started properly co sleeping). Rest when you can, be kind to yourself, know that it will pass.

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