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Original poster

Controlled Crying - any negative experiences?

46 replies

ImBarryScott · 04/09/2007 14:30

I am currently thinking a little bit about CC, though I'm far from sure that it's right for us. I've enjoyed reading posts from those who have found that it has worked for them - thanks for posting! But as I want to know as much as possible about cc before I decide whether I want to try it, I'm wondering whether anyone's had a negative experience? Thanks.

OP posts:

BabiesEverywhere · 04/09/2007 14:45

The biggest negative is that it works but not in the way you would think.

Yes, your child will eventually stop crying but that does not mean the underlying reasons they wake up at night goes away, just that they know that noone will come if they cry, so there is no point in crying.

Mumpbump · 04/09/2007 14:53

I reckon anyone who has tried it has probably had a negative experience - it is incredibly stressful!!! If you are going to do it, you need to be confident that your child is not ill or teething or in any kind of genuine distress. And you may well find that you have to go through it again after a bout of illness/teething as they get used to being comforted so it's not a once only thing, ime.

GreenGlassGoblin · 04/09/2007 15:21

well it didn't work for us. We had five nights with hours and hours of crying each night, a frightened and hysterical one year old who began to panic at the beginning of his bedtime routine and general misery all round. But there have been no lasting ill effects at all, and at 18 months the same child is only waking once a night now (down from 6-8 times), done to his own internal timescale. I'm not sad I tried it (I was at the end of my rope with it all), but it was a nasty experience and did no good.

BabiesEverywhere · 04/09/2007 15:31

I should add, we don't use CIO. I go to my daughther at night if she cries and fed, change and cuddle her and those needs filled she will go back to sleep straight away 99% of the time.

We have the 1% of times she won't seetle but I have times when I can't sleep also and I'm in my 30's ;)

Much easier all around to actually parent though night awakening, then to listen to a child crying IMO

TheQueenOfQuotes · 04/09/2007 15:33

only downside I found was the hangover on the first morning from the bottle of wine I consumed the night before to keep me sane .

"just that they know that noone will come if they cry,"

that's not CC - CC you DO go to your child when they wake - you just don't leave them to cry totally on their own for as long as it takes for them to give up and go to sleep.

witchandchips · 04/09/2007 15:34

think there is a middle way. aim is to teach dc to get back to sleep by themselves. some babies often cry for 10 mins before going to sleep. they are not in distress they just need to wind down from their day. just leave dc for 5mins before going in. If still not asleep then strategy depends on age but key is to be as boring as possible and don't leave room for negotiation. Just pat and settle down and leave the room. cc says that you should gradually increase the time that you leave the baby for. ime you don't need t do this. a few reps of 5 mins will be enough

ELR · 04/09/2007 15:36

it is heart renshing but effective

Mumpbump · 04/09/2007 15:37

How old is your child and how often are they waking? I find that I can now tell ds that I am going to the toilet, to check on daddy or whatever and will be back. He knows that I always come back during the daytime so doesn't panic and will often just drift off back to sleep.

GreenGlassGoblin · 04/09/2007 15:37

I should clarify too - the 5 nights we did were CC, going in at 2,5,10,15 min intervals to say night-night and reassure. DS never settled - each night he fell asleep at around midnight, exhausted, on one of the settling visits. We realised we were not helping him to learn self settling - he just needed someone with him. Which I knew, but didn't want to believe at the time. Know your child, and their personality. And don't be too swayed after that by opinions from people with different children with different personalities. .

Bettymamma · 04/09/2007 15:39

It's not pleasant and like others have said on here you have to be 100% sure that they aren't ill etc.

My dd was 18 months by the time she slept through and I never did CC properly. I know its hard but its only for a short period of time that they won't be sleeping through (though i know it feels like forever at the time).

Bettymamma · 04/09/2007 15:41

mumpbump - i've done that too. I do return after a while but dd has usually fallen asleep so its not like I'm lying!

Greenglassgoblin - i think thats good advice!

TheQueenOfQuotes · 04/09/2007 15:45

definitely good advice - with DS1 the change was amazing - he was 6 months old and woke every hour, for a 1hr feed (bf) and even with us co-sleeping it was too much. On the first night after 2hrs 52 minutes he fell asleep. (he'll be 7 in 2 weeks time and I still remember the exact time ) on the first night (hence the whole bottle of wine being finished ). He stirred once - but I hadn't even got to the door of his bedroom before he'd gone quiet again.

Following night was 30 minutes - again never woke, 3rd night, until about 2 weeks later 10 minutes (at that point I just left him the whole 10 minutes as it became a regular pattern). Then one day I walked out the room and by the time I'd reached the door of his room he'd gone quiet and gone to sleep.

It definitely didn't mean that he stopped waking in the night completely, if he was ill, frightened, cold etc he'd still wake up - BUT then we knew it was for a good reason.

Original poster

ImBarryScott · 04/09/2007 15:54

thanks for your messages everyone.

Greenglassgoblin - thanks for the advice. Y'see, I have a sneaking feeling that it probably wouldn't work for DD. Not just because I'm a wuss, but whenever I've tried a little bit of crying down, she gets into a lather, rather than burning off energy. I was just intrigued as everyone I've spoken to is pretty evangelical about cc, and people sometimes assume that because it worked for their child, it will work for yours.

I'm interested because my 6 month DD has no self settling skills, and shows no sign of developing them! I know she's only little, but I'm just doing a spot of research for the future .

OP posts:

TheQueenOfQuotes · 04/09/2007 15:58

my advice would be (if you decide to give it a go) - try it for 3 nights - making sure you do it in the middle of the night when they wake too - ie doing it fully - I was lucky I didn't have that to contend with - if the time they're taking to settle isn't going down - ditch it and try something else. If done properly CC shouldn't take more than 3 nights to see an obvious improvement (if it's going to work for you that is). Doesn't mean that after 3 nights it'll all be "sorted" but improvement should be evident.

witchandchips · 04/09/2007 15:58

would gradual withdrawal work better?

Original poster

ImBarryScott · 04/09/2007 16:14

qoq, when you say "if done properly" what do you mean?

i assume cheching at lengthening intervals, apply to naps as well, will of iron.

OP posts:

GreenGlassGoblin · 04/09/2007 16:15

ImBarry - it's a tricky call isn't it? CC does seem to work, often quite unexpectedly, but of course that doesn't mean that it necessarily will work for every child, and I found it hard to remember that in the face of all the 'it's hard, but works' advice. As I said, we had no lasting effects at all, good or bad, so it may be worth a try. I agree with QoQ - 3 nights does seem to be the threshold for people for whom it works (though in RL I do know people who have used it for upwards of 2 weeks and then seen results.) Good luck (and yes, 6 months is still very little, everything can change yet!)

flightattendant · 04/09/2007 16:17

Just my opinion but I think many of the babies' experiences have probably been pretty negative
Though if parents are really having a horrible time because of crying babies then maybe it has saved some situations.
I know little about it

TheQueenOfQuotes · 04/09/2007 16:19

yes - checking at intervals, not making a fuss of baby when you go in (ie no picking up and cuddling until they stop crying - they may, or may not stop crying briefly when you put your hand on them still in the cot), repeating in the dead of night (ie 2am when you just want them to go back to sleep with any method), naps etc.

I have a friend who dutifully on night 1 left her DD to cry, checking in increasingly intervals - took 1hr or so for her to settle.......but in the night she did her usually rocking/nursing her back to sleep. Same on night 2, and night 3.....and said "it doesn't work" .

Original poster

ImBarryScott · 04/09/2007 16:19

yes, flight attendant, we all get that point - that's why everyone here has commented on how hard it is.

OP posts:

flightattendant · 04/09/2007 16:20

QoQ you must have nerves of steel...almost 3 hours the first night????

Sorry. I find the very idea of that really upsetting. Really. You must have been desperate to have to go through that.

I'll bugger off now as I'm not being helpful
Sorry if I offend anyone.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 04/09/2007 16:21

flightattedant - yes I suppose while DS1 worked himself into a lather everytime I left the room on the first night it wasn't very nice for him.

BUT the change in him during the day once he started sleeping properly at night was amazing - I "lost" my grumpy, whingy, clingy baby and instead had a happy baby that was happy to be left playing with his "baby gym", or put down long enough for me to do a wee without him screaming the house down!

OrmIrian · 04/09/2007 16:22

Apart from finding to terrible distressing (for me and DS#1), I had to keep doing it again every time he had a bad dream, got a minor cold, had a change to his routine, when we moved house, went on holiday, the weather was too hot... etc. It wasn't once and for all

TheQueenOfQuotes · 04/09/2007 16:23

FA - yes I was desperate - I'd had six months of NEVER being able to put my baby down for a sleep - day or night, unless he was in the pram (and that meant having to go out - not really always practicaly in the middle of winter). He would feed, sleep for 1hr, feed, sleep for 1hr etc etc all night long. He was grumpy and miserable - as was I.

And lets just say the bottle of wine helped the nearly 3hrs go quicker - as an aside - he's nearly 7 now and sleeps so well you could probably drop a bomb next to him and he'd still keep sleeping

flightattendant · 04/09/2007 16:24

I guess everyone DOES get it, I am still baffled as to what makes people do CC though? Please don't flame me for ignorance but I've had two babies, both cry and feed at night, it's pretty tough but I just couldn't leave them to it?

eally sorry to cause any upset but can someone explain for me? Sorry if I'm being thick I don't wantr to upset anybody, honestly.

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