Baby will not settle in Crib/Moses basket - what are we doing wrong

[tollyfeeder]

Our baby girl is 6 days old.
The first night In hospital she wouldn’t settle and wanted to held.

I’m breastfeeding her so I assumed this was why she had a need to be close.

Since being home we literally cannot put her down.

She won’t go into her Moses basket or next to me crib, we have a bouncer chair for her and she hates that too.

I so badly want for her to be happy and content but it seems that when she’s awake she just wants my breast and to go back to sleep.

My husband and I have been doing shifts to stay awake with her whilst she sleeps in one of our arms.

We’ve had our parents tell us we’re “spoiling her” or to “leave her to cry” both of which we don’t agree with.

I know she’s a newborn and I’ve read about the 4th trimester which makes total sense, but I really am starting to think I’m doing a terrible job at being her mummy as she just seems so unsettled :(

Please can anyone offer some reassurance that things do and will improve?

You are doing nothing wrong at all!

Might help if you warm up the Moses basket a little with a hot water bottle (obviously check that it's not too hot) as a cold sheet feels very different from a warm body. I would feed DD to sleep then very gingerly transfer her. Didnt always work but it did get easier over time.

The upshot is: it gets better!

It's brutal when they're young, and I had a winter baby too, so it's hard to keep them warm.

We had success with "love to dream" swaddle sleeping bags. They look weird, but they swaddle the baby with their arms up above their head in their natural position, so they're sleep safe, but cosy.

We also used a sleepyhead, so he could feel pressure all around him. Although I don't know if they're still considered safe, or whether they count as sleep positioners, which are considered a SIDS risk.

It's completely normal, just difficult! And it does get better. Congratulations on your little one

It is normal, but very hard! You can try warming the basket as PP said, try putting a couple of used bra pads in the basket, try covering the mattress with a t-shirt you've worn, try propping up the head of the basket slightly so the baby isn't completely flat (lots of newborns experience reflux as their digestive systems are immature). You could also look into safe co-sleeping - I really regret not doing this with my first baby. Good luck and congratulations

All sounds completely normal OP, it's such early days. Your baby literally just wants sleep, cuddles and milk at that age. Just keep trying to transfer her into basket or crib when she falls asleep on you. I'd leave the bouncer for the time being.

We’ve had our parents tell us we’re “spoiling her” or to “leave her to cry” both of which we don’t agree with

Ignore all comments like this! I just used to say 'that's not the advice any more' over and over and refuse to be drawn into a debate. Advice- givers thrive on your uncertainty.

You are not doing anything wrong, babies are all just different, and at 6 days still so new. It is hard though, and I felt the same as you, like she was unhappy with me (obviously this isn't the case but I do empathise with how you feel). It does get better in that they either do learn to settle, or you find things that work for you- maybe not quite yet but slings are great for babies who can't be put down, swaddling etc.

Congratulations!
Some babies just do not want to be put down and want cuddles constantly. You're not doing anything wrong and should enjoy them but for your sanity you probably want to keep trying putting her in her crib as one time she might surprise you and just start taking to it.
It does get better!

I had this with my DD and after buying a sleepyhead she went down fine. They are not recommended by lullaby trust but there is no actual evidence that they are unsafe. Just make sure baby is not wearing too many layers and check the room temperature.

Holding her in a blanket may help if you put her down on top of the blanket as she will not feel the change in temp.

It does get better. That was DS over 2.5 years ago. Last night he went to bed, in his own big (normal single) bed and slept 4 hours before he woke. Yes we then bedshared but DH is away and both he and I sleep better that way. I didn't get another peep out of him for 7 hours or so.

Trust your gut, do what you need to in order to get some sleep. There is no spoiling or rods for backs. This is purely about surviving

(I don't think I enjoyed parenting for over 18 months to be honest)

4th trimester it's absolutely normal. People telling you to leave her to cry don't know what they are talking about.. You can't spoil them by meeting their needs.

As suggested above, you could look into safe bedsharing, Lullaby Trust has information on this. It's very normal for a baby not to want to settle in a cot/moses basket... It's a very western thing to have them sleep separate from you but very natural for them to want to be next to you. If you can bedshare I would. If for any reason you can't do this following guidelines I would suggest looking at Sarah Ockwell-Smith for gentle ways and alternatives. Also if on Facebook join The Beyond Sleep Training Project... This is a great group full of support and resources.

The first couple of weeks are so hard. Swaddling does help a lot as there isn’t that sense of being put down that makes them startle awake. White noise also helped both of mine settle

Swaddle swaddle swaddle!

Completely normal. Your child doesn't want to be away from mummy, that's all. And you can't spoil a 6 day old infant!

Give her a cuddle and sleep in shifts while your OH is off if he's on paternity leave.

We had this with my now 5 month old, asked the midwife and she said it was wind and to try infacol, within a few days he was settling in his cot! We had a lovely month or two of being sleeping in his cot and we’ve gone back to being held again don’t know what has triggered that but it worked at first 😂

In the first new weeks all mine wanted to do was sleep on me. During the day she would feed, "play", then sleep on my chest. During play she would lay on mat or chair for maybe 10 minutes tops (this gradually got longer).

At night I could put her down in Velcro swaddle, in a sleepyhead on a next to me crib. But she had to be asleep for that.

It gets better, but it will take time to work out how you baby likes things and what works best for you. Your in the newborn stage which is all cuddling really. A baby carrier will make it easier to do things during the day.
Leaving to cry doesn't work this early. Good luck, your doing amazing. Things will get easier xxx