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Sleep

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Original poster

Need advice on sleep training for 3 month old please

18 replies

Kaytaytay · 17/02/2020 23:33

My son is almost 3 months old and has never slept longer than 20-30 mins in his moses basket or bedside cot. He's ok if he sleeps on my chest but after almost 3 months of him constantly on me, my back and shoulders feel like they're going to snap and im desperate for some decent sleep! I feel like i've tried everything - swaying, rocking, bouncing, swinging and vibrating chairs, swaddling, white noise, dark room.....I'm exhausted and could really do with some advice on how to encourage a better sleeping pattern for him please?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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BrownBirdsFly · 18/02/2020 07:06

If you’ve tried all of those things there’s not much else you can do just be reassured he’ll grow out of it. He’s still very small and obviously needs your reassurance.

A sleepyhead really helped us and so did co-sleeping. Neither are particularly recommended but when you’re broken from lack of sleep you need to weigh things up. You can read up on how to make co-sleeping as safe as possible as having a baby sleep on you isn’t that safe ether! Having him next to you on a flat mattress with no cushions or duvets etc. around. I used to wrap myself in a large cellular blanket and have baby in a sleeping bag.

This too shall pass!

Haz1516 · 18/02/2020 07:20

All I can say is persevere and it will get better; he's still very tiny. From around this age, he will likely start to get gradually better at not being held all the time. Do what you need to do to get through, and just keep trying every so often getting him to sleep by himself - one day eventually he might surprise you, but it might take a lot of patience to get there.

We also used to use really tight velcro swaddles, and have his cot on an incline. You could try having a blanket or something that smells of you too, and warming his bed before hand.

PotteringAlong · 18/02/2020 07:23

You cannot sleep train a 3 month old; they are far far far too young.

Co-sleep, let him sleep on you. It really is perfectly normal

Shmithecat2 · 18/02/2020 07:24

@PotteringAlong

You cannot sleep train a 3 month old; they are far far far too young.

Co-sleep, let him sleep on you. It really is perfectly normal

All of this, 1000 times over.

Cupcakegirl13 · 18/02/2020 07:26

You defo can’t train a 3 month old

Original poster

Kaytaytay · 04/03/2020 17:10

Thanks all for your messages and time x. What age would say is a good time to introduce sleep training? (Or what are the signs he's ready for it)

OP posts:

BrownBirdsFly · 06/03/2020 03:30

You could use gentle ‘sleep training’ methods now, things like shush pat and pick up put down (I’d google these, shush pat is for younger babies). With these you’re always there for the baby and responding to them. Things like gradual retreat too.

At the other end of the scale ‘controlled crying’ should not be used before 6 months although lots of people obviously do not agree with this method at any age! But that’s for you to decide xxx

89redballoons · 06/03/2020 13:18

I'm there with you. Like you it's become physically painful holding my DS so much (I've got terrible carpal tunnel syndrome and have to wear wrist splints at night) and I'm so sleep deprived and frankly getting a bit touched out. I EBF and haven't spent more than half an hour away from my baby since he was born. If I see another article saying to enjoy the cuddles and let the housework pile up I will scream. Sometimes I just don't like being in a messy house with a grouchy tired baby and no time to even have a bath or read a book!

Ahem. Rant over.

We were co-sleeping at night at 6 weeks and what I did then was commit to trying to put my DS down in the side sleeper after every wake-up. If he didn't go down I'd try again. If still no dice, I'd give up and let him sleep on me - after that I found it was diminishing returns and we'd both get upset and frustrated. Gradually it worked (also a proper swaddle helped - we use a miracle blanket) and now he sometimes goes up to 5 hours in the side sleeper. Not always though!

I'm now trying the same thing with the big after lunch nap, trying twice to put him in his carrycot and if it doesn't work, letting him sleep on me or in the sling. It's a balance between trying to get him to sleep somewhere that's not on me, and making sure he does actually sleep in the day. Today it hasn't worked (hence my slightly despairing tone) but other days he has actually had decent naps in the carrycot.

I've thought about investing in a sleepyhead for naps this weekend though they're not cheap. I know they don't last for long but DS is tiny, so maybe? Also thinking about trying the newborn/young baby techniques in the Gentle Sleep Solution from next week.

Not sure that helps much but sending solidarity and good luck

89redballoons · 06/03/2020 13:20

I mean the no cry sleep solution not the gentle one.

ChainsawBear · 06/03/2020 13:23

Are you swaddling/using a swaddle bag? That's very comforting for many babies and stops the Moro reflex startling them awake.

Pentium85 · 06/03/2020 13:27

You seem very set on sleep training.

I don’t ever think it’s necessary unless your wellbeing is being affected.

Babies are babies, they need love, cuddles and reassurance.

89redballoons · 06/03/2020 13:39

@Pentium85 "my back and shoulders feel like they're going to snap and im desperate for some decent sleep", says OP. Her wellbeing is being affected

I agree sleep training a 3 month old won't "work", and I couldn't and don't let my own baby cry, but I'm fed up of being told to enjoy this phase when parts of it are actually pretty rubbish.

Reversiblesequinsforadults · 06/03/2020 13:47

My son was like this. I tried everything! But my mental health and my own sleep improved when I realised that this was normal for him and stopped trying to fix him. Co-sleep and get a sling that doesn't hurt your back so you can make dinner (very important to eat the odd vegetable when you're exhausted), tidy up etc. We also took it in turns to sleep for 3 hours in a separate room - this saved me.

Pentium85 · 06/03/2020 13:53

@89redballoons

I never said it was all rainbows, I have an 18 month old who still wakes at least 4 times a night.
But I do think lots jump on the sleep training thing as soon as baby isn’t sleeping how they want.

Merrz · 06/03/2020 13:59

I recommend cosleeping with side lying feeding. That way they generally fall asleep lying next to you and you instinctively sleep curled around them in a safe position. They are snuggled up to you but not on you.
100% agree with the above, the midwife in hospital actually told me to do this (side lying feeding) when DD was born. Also as PP said you just need to accept that this is totally normal for a lot of babies and i'm afraid it is tough but it won't last forever, do what you can/need to to get yourself through it. Do you have anyone who can help? Get them to take baby for a few hours so you can have a sleep/bath/bit of me time

89redballoons · 06/03/2020 14:06

Fair enough, I'm in a grouchy mood, sorry! I guess I mean that co-sleeping and constantly holding the baby etc can be a significant sacrifice for mothers in terms of their wellbeing. That's fine, of course lots of parenting means putting your baby first, I just think we should be honest about this.

Sleep training that involves leaving the baby to cry I think would be even worse!

ChainsawBear · 06/03/2020 14:50

FTR, I am not by any means against sleep training if the family have tried all the obvious things, the mother and/or baby are suffering, and the baby is old enough. Sometimes you do what you have to do and long-term sleep deprivation can have a terrible effect on your physical and mental health. 3 months is too young, though, and it sounds like there are other things still to try.

A shift system through the evening also really helps - DH used to sit up with the baby (in a sling if necessary) from 8pm to midnight so I could get the bed to myself for a while, and he'd bring the baby to me at midnight and then go to bed in the spare room.

Original poster

Kaytaytay · 09/03/2020 08:49

Thanks all again for your posts and time! I may seem eager to sleep train and i think it's coming across stronger than i intended. It's my 1st baby and i am just curious for answers as i haven't done any of it before. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for suggestions and anyone that said "it's normal" or that you had a similar time to this. This makes the doubt that you are doing something wrong ease off! When i wrote the original post it felt like it had been an eternity and i have learnt to accept this is how it is. Since the original post i have made some progress. I am able to put him down in the day as long as he's in the same room as me, and even managed a 2 min shower once . Still no luck on sleeping but as you say it will come in time x

OP posts:

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