Anxiety Issues...

[mrsjw17]

Hi.
Wondering if anyone can help. There must be someone who's been through this out there that can offer some words of wisdom.
So, my daughters anxiety started around the age of 4. Firstly thought that it was night terrors but as the years have gone on it has progressively got worse.
Now at the stage where she starts off sleeping in her room then spends the rest of the night on our bedroom floor.
Constant broken sleep throughout the night.
After parents evening last night it has now become aware that it is starting to effect her schooling & she is now falling behind. Initially was top in the class, now near bottom.
She is exhausted constantly.
No help from school nor doctors & I'm now a whits end where I just want the best for her & want the family to feel normal.
It is massively effecting everyone in the house..
I just want to know what else I can do to help so any suggestions would be great.

What is she anxious about?

And how old is she now?

She is currently 6 but 7 in March.
Unsure what she's anxious about, she doesn't like to talk about it.
We have been to the doctors & no help.
School didn't see an issue until now as she's falling behind on with school work :( x

I don't want to be alarmist, but does she ever spend nights away from home? Or time with someone other than you? The fact that she's suffering to this extent but refuses to talk about it could be indicative of something quite serious going on. When was the last time you had a proper, sit down, "i need you to tell me what's going on so that i can help you" chat?

In what way does this sound alarming or quite serious? I'm confused?
She rarely spends nights away from home as she never needs to..
I try to chat with her all the time, the last deep chat we had was last night not she says that nothing is worrying her?

She's only 6, but she's so anxious and upset about something that she can never sleep, which is seriously impacting her schoolwork. That's really not normal, and i think beyond usual disrupted sleep for that age.

The fact that she's so anxious but can't/won't tell you why would be a real worry for me - is there something going on? Is someone hurting her? I don't want to freak you out, this is obviously the worst case scenario, but if she's that upset and unable to tell you why maybe you need to get her more support.

No I don't think someone is hurting her.
There are no other issues other than sleep.
Anxiety & depression that is something that runs on both sides of the family so it was inevitable that she would possibly have this.
There is also sleep disorders that run in the family too.
I have tried for 3+ years to get support & help for her but no one wants to help because of her age.
I have asked for her to have counselling but they don't deem in necessary & also asked for her to see a sleep therapist but that is also something that they denied.
We have changed doctors surgeries twice & seem endless amounts of doctors who have the same opinion "it's something she will grow out of.."
I'm a little disturbed by the fact you instantly jumped in on the fact that you think it's something of a more serious nature..?

My DD started having issues with her sleep a few years ago (when she stopped sharing a room with her brother). Lots of broken nights and it escalated to school avoidance. We have received a diagnosis of autism after a lot of pushing for advice, and eventually paying for private help. Autism in girls often shows as anxiety- obviously I'm not saying this is the same as your DD but her level of anxiety about sleep does require support so I think a visit to your GP is your first step. Don't expect much from them though it took 6 months for us to get a CAMHS appointment and now DD is on a waiting list for treatment but the list is currently standing at a one year wait!

Bit of a drip feed there with the family history, although I'd still say that 4 is very, very young for mental health problems to be materialising without any other factors. If you're not having any luck with the GP I'd look in to going private if poss.

Who lives in the household, OP?

Hi, really sorry to hear she is suffering this way. Have you looked at her diet as anxiety symptoms are common in children with food allergies. Does he have any other symptoms like dry throat, itchyness or anything.
You could look at this article www.snugcosy.co.uk/blogs/articles/anxiety and also research weighted blankets for anxiety however I would possibly first look at her diet and also anything that could affect her in her surroundings. Hope things improve.

We have had a couple of appointments with CAMHS but they don't suggest she has anything that is a cause of concern.. She has traits of autism but isn't at the age where they can diagnose her?
The reason she is now falling behind at school is just through lack of sleep & being tired.
She will start of going to sleep in her room with me sitting outside her bedroom door till she's asleep but within an hour she is wanting to sleep on my bedroom floor to be close to me?
At home it myself, my husband (her father), younger sister & 2 cats!
They have a large family as my parents are separated & also have my husbands family, which do not have a lot of contact for reasons I don't know?
Like I said previously, we have been back & forth to the doctors for years but have had no help..
I wouldn't think she has an allergy to anything, her sister has a dairy allergy & her father has allergies - nothing has ever become obvious but it's something that I'll keep an eye on.
The thing that annoys me is that people are too quick to say it's the parents rather than the child having issues which need addressing by a medical professional.

It is not unusual for. 4 year old, or even a 7 year old, to prefer to sleep in their parent’s room or bed.

It is very unusual for the parent to diagnose this as ‘anxiety’ and insist the child needs external help.

I think PPs we’re trying to understand why you feel it is different from just standard ‘prefers to be in mum and dad’s bed’

You seem determined that she will have / has MH issues, but in my view this is a counterproductive stance.

Hope things improve soon.

What is it you mean by counterproductive stance?

Why is I feel like I'm being judged for my parenting?

I don't think people are attacking you they are trying to help but for them to do that you have to be open to suggestions. It doesn't sound like she has anxiety to me. From experience a child who had anxiety will openly talk about their worries alot in hope to avoid what they are worried about. In regards to sleep why don't you try sleeping in the same room as her for a couple weeks and see if things improve. If they do it could be she needs to feel more secure at night. Have you tried night lights, dream catchers, lots of blankets and teddies, bath before bed?

I don't think people are attacking you they are trying to help but for them to do that you have to be open to suggestions. It doesn't sound like she has anxiety to me. From experience a child who had anxiety will openly talk about their worries alot in hope to avoid what they are worried about. In regards to sleep why don't you try sleeping in the same room as her for a couple weeks and see if things improve. If they do it could be she needs to feel more secure at night. Have you tried night lights, dream catchers, lots of blankets and teddies, bath before bed?

Sorry not everyone's comments are of that nature - just the ones suggesting she's being hurt are a little too much..
When asked she just says she can't sleep cause she's scared? Doesn't explain what she's scared about.. We lock all the doors together at bedtime so I can show he no one can come in etc.
The only thing I worry about is that it doesn't take her long to get attached to things & for them to become routine.
Which is one of the reasons why we are in the mess we are now with sleeping on my bedroom floor :(
I would give it a go if I knew it wouldn't make things worse.
We have night lights, dream catchers, lots of teddies & blankets.
I am looking into a weighted blanket as I have had the suggested before.

OK, I'm sorry to have upset you, but there is a big difference between a 4yr old who has anxiety so severe it stops her sleeping, which is what you put in your first post, and a child who is scared of sleeping by herself and has developed bad habits, which is what youre talking about now. Had you opened with that, i wouldn't have suggested she might have a deeper problem.

If it isnt anxiety and just a bad habit and she can't give you a proper reason, have you tried just putting your foot down, putting her back in her room and shutting the door?

There are a few things you could try:

1. Sit on the end of her bed until she falls asleep to give her extra reassurance ( she is still young and may genuinely be worried doesn't mean she has anxiety though) if she wakes in the night repeat process.
2. Try a "big girl" chart and every day she gets a little "special big girl" reward for staying in her own bed like a big girl. May be days this becomes not doable so that's why reward is daily. If she doesn't manage it some days don't focus on she did it the other day just say okay we will try again tomorrow. Every day is a new beginning type thing.

3.Try a magic object that keeps big girls safe while they sleep in their own room.

1. Go in every night and blow the dreamcatcher Infront of her to clear it of bad dreams so after a bad dream it can work again. Must of just been full up 🙂

5 And relax op I'm sure she is a fab DD not everything needs a diagnosis we are all different and get things at our own pace.

As a child I got quite anxious about things and struggled to sleep at bedtime, no particular reason, I just wanted my mum close to me and to feel comforted and secure. If she feels happy to sleep on your floor then could you just continue with this? Or sit with her while she’s in her own bed until she falls asleep and repeat during the night if necessary? (If you don’t want her sleeping in your room).
She is still so, so young and I don’t think she necessarily has anxiety but she has just formed habits and wants you close at night which I wouldn’t say is abnormal for her age.

Do you think it'll be something she'll grow out of?
Since sleeping on my floor it's like she now wakes herself up to do it as a routine?
To me it seems like a separation anxiety.

I would recommend overcoming your child's fears and worries by Lucy willetts. It's based on graded exposure and cognitive behavioural therapy. It will take you through an intervention that is effective whether it's anxiety or if it's simply habit. I hope this helps.

Is this a book or podcast? X

It's a book you can buy it on Amazon. It's the intervention done Camhs services use for under 12's with anxiety. It's parent led.

Thank you, I've found it & ordered it. Should come tomorrow xx