9 month bedtime routine

[TechiFather]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum and this is my first post.

Me and my partner currently have a 9 month old baby and she is our first child. However we have different opinions on putting the baby into a bed time routine.

I'm trying to setup a bed time routine where once the baby is bathed (7pm ish), she plays for an hour (not my choice) and then I read her a book and then put her to bed. However this part can range anywhere from 8pm - 10pm. My aim is to try and bring this in to about 7pm.

My partner has a different opinion and isn't big on routine. She is happy for the baby to do what she wants until she wants to sleep. She claims the baby will naturally start going to sleep early and that we don't need to do anything.

As I'm at work through the week, my partner does the night shift through the week and I do it over the weekend. When I do it, she wakes maybe once or twice, just needs a bit of comforting and then goes back to sleep. When my partner does it, she always ends up taking her out of the cot and breast feeds her. I have suggesed that she doesn't need to be fed through the night as she never needs it when I look after her through the night.

On top of this, on a morning, my partner complains that I wake the baby up (inadvertently) when getting ready for work (8am - 8:30am ish). As far i'm concerned, the baby should be waking at that time anyways, but my partner wants the baby to wake naturally in the morning. My concern around this is that, if the baby sleeps in, it means she wont go to bed until late on a night and when my partner goes back to work in April, the baby will have to wake up even earlier anyways.

We seem to have a lot of arguments around this. I argue that trying to put a baby into a bedtime routine is what most people aim to do as its best for the baby and the household, but my partner isn't having it. She also claims that I'm only trying to get the baby to sleep at 7pm for selfish reasons.

I just wanted to know what people think about this?

I don't think there is any right or wrong way, you just need to have a conversation with your partner and decide what is right for you. I would say it might be difficult for your partner to settle without a feed if breastfeeding as baby will smell milk when she goes in the room.

When my partner does it, she always ends up taking her out of the cot and breast feeds her. I have suggesed that she doesn't need to be fed through the night as she never needs it when I look after her through the night.

How is this remotely a problem for you? You say she barely wakes when it’s your night so she’s not putting you out. She’s responding in the most natural way to her baby. It’s not your place to tell her that’s wrong.

my partner complains that I wake the baby up (inadvertently) when getting ready for work (8am - 8:30am ish). As far i'm concerned, the baby should be waking at that time anyways, but my partner wants the baby to wake naturally in the morning

Don’t wake your baby! It doesn’t sound very “inadvertent” if you think they should be up when you are. It’s not hard to get up and out quietly enough to not disturb your sleeping partner and baby. Don’t be selfish when it can easily be avoided. She’s the one spending all day looking after the baby so when they get up is their/her decision, not yours.

Your child is 9 months old. She’s only recently been out of the womb longer than she was in it. She’s tiny. She’s got the whole of the rest of her life to adhere to routine and you need to trust your partner - whom you presumably chose to have a child with - to do what suits them best.

If my husband tried to tell me what to do or not do with my breasts or my mornings we’d have serious problems. He doesn’t, because he’s a fantastic father and husband, wants the best for me and our baby and trusts me.

You must have known before your partner was even pregnant that having a baby would change your lives and your evenings. A lot of babies won’t conveniently go to sleep at 7. That’s babies for you. And if you’re out all day that’s even more reason for you to want to spend time with her in the evening.

Yes, mum and dad should to parent cohesively and with agreement but you’re going about this in the wrong way. You have no reason to think your partner is doing anything other than her best. TALK to her, stop trying to dictate things and causing arguments. Leave her breastfeeding choices the hell alone and stop waking them up. Loads of parents would give their right arm for a baby who likes a lie in. Count your blessings and knock the I know best crap on the head if you value your relationship and want a happy home.