2 year old and sleep - please help

[AOK87]

Hi everyone, I was hoping for some advice regarding my daughter who turned 2 a few weeks ago. We also have a 5-month old daughter. My 2yo used to be a great sleeper, went down at about 7pm and we didn't usually hear from her until after 7am the next day. When she woke she would just chill in her cot. Same thing for naps, she didn't do really long ones but usually 1-2 hours and she would just chill at the end.

A few weeks ago, we noticed that she occasionally needed us to come back in after leaving her at night, just for a quick cuddle. This has quickly escalated though and now she’s basically refusing to go to sleep at all, at bedtime and nap time. She is also waking in the night for long periods. The first time she woke at 3am and we had no clue what was wrong so we tried everything (cuddles, calpol, our bed - which we rarely do because we all hate it, her included). Eventually she fell back to sleep at 6am with me sitting by her cot and stroking her. She now refuses to go to bed without us sitting with her and patting her. Sometimes this takes 15 minutes (great) but sometimes it takes hours. We have tried letting her cry it out but she either poos herself, makes herself sick or throws herself out of her cot... She is also waking in the night regularly now and we have the same issues. I have noticed that she goes back to sleep faster when she is in her own bed and it's dark (which is a good thing) but it is taking hours and our 5mo is still waking 1/2/3 times a night so we are all exhausted 😴

Does anyone have ideas or tips? Should we try crying it out but for short periods? I can't leave her in poo/sick/on the floor and this normally happens within a few minutes of leaving her though. We have tried talking to her about this but she doesn't really give anything away. When we go in she normally says "get out of bed" or something similar but that's about it.

She doesn't seem to respond well to a night light as it just makes her more awake, but I haven't tried it for more than an hour here and there.

Has anyone experienced something similar? I wonder if it is separation anxiety and (partially) linked to her new sister?

Thanks so much in advance for any help that you can offer.

I have a 2 year old, she's always needed a cuddle to go to sleep but was sleeping through the night up till recently. She's now started waking up through the night several times and won't go back to sleep without me getting into her bed, every time she wakes to find i have gone she cries out again

it is hard not getting any sleep, we are thinking of trying the cry it out method to get her to sleep initially and then hoping if she learns to go to sleep by herself when she wakes in the night she'll be able to do it again

they do say this is when children start getting nightmares, we've also tried a night light but i think that just lights her room too much. In your case it may be down to wanting your attention with your new addition

I'd be interested in any tips or methods you try that work or don't work, it would be great to get a good nights sleep again for everyone!

We have always cuddled our children to sleep. Maybe move her into a bed so one of you can hop into bed with her during the night and then you can just go back to sleep. It sound like pretty normal though. It’s hard with two young children.

At 2 she may be ready to drop her nap.

Thank you for the responses! We have thought about moving her to a bed but I kinda want to keep her in the cot as long as possible as she’s still little. We plan on moving the baby into her room at some point so I wanted to do that before moving her from a cot tbh. I can’t see us moving the baby in anytime soon though.

Have you had any other reactions (other than crying, I mean) when you leave the room? Have you tried crying it out at all?

I’ve just ordered the Gro clock so maybe I’ll give that a try 🤪

Our issue isn’t so much having to give her cuddles/pat her but more the fact that it can take hours in the middle of the night. Last night she was up from 3.45am for a couple of hours and she had no interest in sleep. Could try dropping the nap but I am pretty sure she still needs it as she is normally exhausted by 1pm (even when she was sleeping well).

@twigetb how many times a night is your little one waking now? Sending you lots of good sleep vibes, it’s so hard isn’t it

we haven't tried the cry it out method yet, she's very stubborn and i know it's going to take a long time. She likes to do things like get naked and take her nappy off when we let her cry for any length of time. Annoying but can't help thinking quite clever

We have the Gro clock, just make sure you turn it right down as it's really quite bright! I think my 2 year old is a bit young to understand the full meaning of it all but hopefully you have better luck

I also read a method where you give your toddler 2 coins before bed, if you get called in you take 1 away, if there's any left in the morning they can swap their coin for a treat....hasn't worked for us yet

@AOk87 she's waking sometimes once and takes ages to go back to sleep, sometimes up to 4 times.

When you say cry ‘it’ out, can I ask what you think the ‘it’ is?

@twigetb agree what you mean about finding it clever and annoying at the same time 🤣

I hadn’t heard of the coin/treat method but that also sounds like it could be helpful. I’m not sure our little one will get it quite yet though. When she wakes up, she is immediately so distraught that I don’t know if the promise of a chocolate button in the morning will cut it for her though. Let’s see!

@Selfsettling3 good question. I guess I have heard of a couple of versions - one is controlled crying so you leave them for a bit, go in and soothe, then repeat. I think the amount of time in between soothings depends on how upset they get (?)

The other one is leaving them to cry and never going in to soothe them. I am pretty sure I would not be able to do this though. Like most mums I hate hearing my bubbas crying, even for a minute. I am not sure with this method if you at least soothe them once when they wake up and then tell them that you’re not coming back in?

@AOK87 while my daughter doesn't quite understand the coin method she does ask every morning if she has any left so i think she will get it when she has one left to swap for a treat!

also last night we tried to get her to fall asleep on her own. I knew if i kept going in she would only cry for longer so I didn't keep going in. She can get out of her bed which she did a few times and i just said 'i love you, it's time for bed' and put her back in. She wasn't so much upset crying, more challenging the new routine. After 30mins she stopped crying, had her bottle of water and 10mins later she was asleep.

I have to say i thought it would take a lot longer than that but i'm pleased with how it went, we'll persist with it and fingers crossed it just becomes normal without the tears etc

She did still wake in the night at the same time she usually does so i think that's to do with her sleep cycle. I'm going to try stirring her very slightly before i go to bed myself to break that cycle and see if that helps at all

@AOK87 Quick update, night 3 of us trying to get her to sleep on her own and far less complaining, I find if i ask her what she needs before she goes to sleep we remove the need to request something else when i leave the room. She usually asks for a coin (so she can swap it for a treat in the morning) and her bottle of water. Seems like this method works for us, i wish we'd done it sooner!

Also stirring her slightly before i go to bed myself seems to break her sleep cycle just enough that she no longer wakes in the night at all. I also use the opportunity to remove her empty bottle.

I hope you get some more sleep soon and find something that works for you

Hi @twigetb - great to hear that things are going so well. Sounds like your little one has taken to it brilliantly. Fingers crossed for another good night for you. I bet she is pleased in the morning when she gets a couple of treats.

We left our daughter to cry a bit last night. We also dropped her cot down to the lowest setting (thought we were there already but it turns out we weren’t!) so that she can no longer climb out. The minute we left, she started screaming and tried to climb out but quickly realised she couldn’t. She was pretty annoyed. My husband went back in to reassure her after a few mins. She cried on and off for 20 mins then stood up sucking her thumb for 40 mins before eventually lying down and going to sleep. Unfortunately she woke up when we came upstairs a couple of hours later (she did this the night before as well) but calmed down quickly when we said goodnight and left the door open and the bathroom light on. Tonight was similar but a bit better - although she did do a protest poo just after we left her. Crying on and off for maybe 20 mins until we changed the poo (weirdly she didn’t call out that she had done a poo so we didn’t realise until my husband went to reassure her) and then she went straight to sleep. Hoping that it becomes a bit easier each night.

My mom said I did something similar - I think without the vomiting but with the being wide awake in the middle of the night. She said putting me to bed 30 - 45 minutes later sorted it right out. I wasn't ready to drop a nap, but I also needed to go to sleep a little later.

That said, my mother also told me she used a baby monitor for one night (first night home from hospital, obviously in my own room 30 years ago!) and then stopped because "she was never going to get any sleep." I feel like the older generation had it a lot easier not worrying about DC's sleep!

@AOK87 Sounds like it's something that might work for you too, hopefully it was a bit quicker last night and continues to get better.

for the last 2 nights my daughter has gone to sleep on her own without any fuss and sleeping through the night. Though I have been stirring her slightly when i go to bed to break her sleep cycle, that way she doesn't seem to wake up early hours.