Newborn sleeping

[WombatStewForTea]

First time mum and dd is a week old. She won't sleep unless it's on someone. Won't go in her Moses basket or next2me for more than 15/20 mins. I researched the whole forth trimester thing and I get it. But...

DH and I are doing shifts throughout day and night which is working ok. However he goes back to work next week. What the hell am I meant to do then?! I can't survive the next 12 weeks with no sleep and I can't ask DH to do proper night shifts but he'll do some early mornings and late nights. Tried co-sleeping but she still didn't settle.

I hate whoever suggested to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' - unless it's falling asleep on a sofa this is a no go! And obviously I won't.

Is there anything at all I can do to try and extend the time she'll settle off me/DH now? That is rather than waiting it out.

Do you 'swaddle' the baby? Wrap them quite firmly in a large shawl or similar. It means their movement is restricted like when in the womb.
This could help.

Please remember that whatever you do to 'settle' your baby, becomes whet they 'expect'. Try to make it as easy as possible otherwise you could create a rod for your own back. I just used to swaddle my son and plonk him down.
Good luck.

Get your husband to make you breakfast before he leaves for work and a packed lunch to keep in the fridge. Find some box sets, get some snacks, sit on the sofa, cuddle and enjoy your baby. This phase doesn't last, as baby grows they will sleep more and become less clingy. Do you have a friends and family who can call round to hold baby or help with the housework (housework is not important at this stage, just do the essentials and worry about the rest later).

You could try a sleepyhead. Not recommended for overnight sleep but you need to weigh up risk of being massively sleep deprived too.

I used to get dc to sleep in a sling soft cloth one or strappy), then prop myself up on the bed on a mountain of pillows. Not perfect but better than nothing.

It will get better. The early days are hard.

I have exactly the same - a week old DD who doesn’t like her Snuzpod (bed attached crib). We’ve also tried her with a Sleepyhead in it and she just won’t settle, despite swaddling. So we are bed sharing at present, following all the safe sleeping guidelines. It’s not ideal or something I particularly want to do long term but it works for us at the moment. We still try the crib every night and hopefully she’ll get more tolerant of it as she gets older. She’s our second and my husband needs to be up early with DS, so sleeping in shifts isn’t really an option for us (well it is, I suppose, but we don’t want to!).

Hope it gets better soon

I had one of these too - it did get better pretty quickly though and he was settling fine after a couple of weeks. I think taking him out regularly in the pram helped him get used to it. We also found that moving from EBF to FF (for unrelated reasons) made a difference but I totally get that's not for everyone and my experience is only anecdotal. Hang in there

We had the same issue with our newborn. Swaddling (we use a Grosnug) and a white noise machine (Ollie the Owl/Ewan Dream Sheep or free app on phone) helped us. We also started off feeding her to sleep with a large muslin on me, then when she was asleep we’d use the muslin to cover the cot mattress and gently transfer her into the cot. We’ve done away with the muslin now, and can sometimes get her down with a bit of rocking after a feed, rather than feeding to sleep.

We also swaddle for daytime naps (lighter tog one) now and she has started to go down drowsy and then fall asleep with some back patting and shushing.

It's really hard in the newborn phase! We had to do shifts all night of holding the baby for the first week or so too. It does gradually get better. We kept trying to put the baby down in his basket once he was asleep and found we had some success eventually with trying various tactics like putting a hot water bottle in there first so it is nice and warm when they go in (obviously take the hot water bottle out once you put the baby in!), a muslin that I had been wearing in my bra tucked into the side of the basket so it smelt like me and elevating the head of the basket slightly. Some babies like swaddling but mine never did.

I know the first poster meant well but I really don't agree with the 'don't create a rod for your own back' advice. I think this can be a really stressful thing for new mums to hear. You are doing what your baby needs at the moment which is holding them so that they feel safe in their first few weeks in the world. You won't teach them bad habits so please don't beat yourself up about 'creating a rod for your back.' You have enough to worry about as a new mum! It will get easier and you just have to do whatever you can to survive the first few weeks. Whether that it is having family come round to hold the baby so you can nap, giving baby to husband in the evening so that you can get a few hours sleep or researching safe cosleeping.

Hope you start to get some sleep soon!

Oh i remember these days well and am not looking forward to the lack of sleep when baby2 makes his/her appearance.

I agree 'sleep when baby sleeps' isnt all that usefull... however....

Your baby is a week old. This is what its like. Brutal. They feed,sleep,poop repeat. On a pretty darn short cycle. Did you attend antenatal classes? Did they not explain the newborn sleep cycles so you knew what to expect? My partner took 2 weeks paternity then a few weeks annual leave so we could survive the first month or so together. Obviously not helpful if this isnt an option for your partner at this stage. When he went back i used to spend the day at my mums so she could feed an expressed bottlw and i got more than 3 hours sleep in one go!

If you have tried swaddling,a dummy,musical projector, rocking crib, white noise ect ect then im afraid you just gotta ride it out. This stage absolutly doesnt last.

Im all for attending to a babies needs (ie. I didnt let mine scream it out) but like op have said you will create a rod for your own back if you only let her sleep on you... she will never learn to settle herself.

Sorry not much help. But we have all been there (sobbing on the floor out of sheer exhaustion) and i promis you will survive!

Try the other tips people have suggested. Pre made lunches and ready meals will at least ensurr you are fed. We pretty much had a rule that anyone who visited bought a meal and stayed for a hour or so whilst i had a shower,brushed my hair. People will absolutly not mind you enforcing this! Someone wants to walk her round the block?! Go for it?!

We had this. Best systems we came up with was shifts. I went to bed when the older two ddI at 7:30/8 ... DH brought baby to me at midnight I'd stay up with her sleeping on me until 5/6 am then DH would take her so I could get an hour or two sleep.

Surprisingly the days are manageable even with not much sleep. You just push through. Have you read up on the 4th trimester? Honestly it doesn't last forever

We used a sleepyhead as it was the only thing that worked. They aren't recommended for overnight sleeping so you need to risk assess for yourself whether the benefits would outweigh the risks in your circumstances.

Personally I felt that the risk of falling asleep feeding or holding baby sitting on the sofa was greater and so we went for it.

It's really tough, this too shall pass!

Aw, this stage is so hard isn’t it, but what you are going through is totally normal if it helps to know that. I found that it passed pretty quickly, I just made a point to keep trying to put her down in the side crib at night and bouncer chair in the day and she got used to it enough to sleep for gradually longer stretches in each after a few weeks.

At night, I survived by co-sleeping if I was desperate for a few hours. In the day, I just made sure that I had all of my supplies (flask of coffee, bottle of water, food, remote, phone) next to me on the sofa to keep me going while DD fed and snoozed on me.

We also used hot water bottles to warm up the side crib before putting her down so she didn’t wake up as soon as we put her down. Obviously take them out before putting her down!

My LO is 5 weeks old and we had the same problem.

I set myself up on the sofa, sat up with my legs out. I was wedged into the corner of my l shaped sofa. Blankets only on my legs, cushion on my lap/under my elbow to rest baby on so they couldn't go anywhere and vest on me so baby's face was only ever pressed up against my skin, never fabric. I'm a very light sleeper and If I fell asleep the way we were positioned meant that there was no risk of me dropping her or her slipping down under fabric etc. Not ideal and still gave me huge anxiety but meant I got a little rest.

At around 3 weeks she was big enough to fit in a swaddle wrap (the ones with the Velcro) - absolute game changer!!! She slept her first four hour stretch.

Now the routine is nappy change, swaddle wrap, bottle, burped with a cellular blanket wrapped around her loosely (so it gets warm) put down in her Moses basket or next to me with sleepyhead in. She is now sleeping 3 hour, 4/5 hour, 3 hour between 8pm-8am.

Yes we swaddle which has made a bit of a difference! Also have an Ollie. Not tried a light projector or the hot water bottle trick yet. I also like the idea of putting one of my tops over the Moses basket matress.

Did you attend antenatal classes? Did they not explain the newborn sleep cycles so you knew what to expect?
@Charis1503 Yes we did and actually sleep wasn't covered in much detail at all but I did have an idea of what to expect and I don't have a problem with her sleep cycle at all.... I just never expected the need to be attached to me 24/7. If she slept as she does now but would let me sleep at the same time I'd be very very happy! If I could safely sleep in a chair with her on me I'd be fine.

DH having her as soon as he comes in from work is going to be the way forward o think. Unfortunately she's a sod at sometimes refusing the bottle and ending up upset and only settling with breastfeeding.

I have tried co-sleeping and being in bed next to me wasn't enough. She'd feed to sleep then a few mins later wake up screaming, go back on the boob and repeat. Unless I'm doing it wrong and there's a way to co-sleep while physically holding her.

Regardless, it's a relief to know that this will hopefully be short lived. I'd imagined it going on til 12 weeks and cried at the thought.

I used a grosnug and a sleepyhead which i found really helped, even if just for naps during the day so that you could also take a nap

It won't last for long, so hang in there! We had the same problem - combination of white noise, a groswaddle and hot water bottle to warm the mattress before baby went in did the trick. It seems like it will last forever, but we're 9 weeks in now and baby sleeps for 7 hours overnight in one stretch (I'm aware of the 4 month sleep regression, so am enjoying this whilst this lasts!). So it does get better - you just have to get through this bit. Enjoy the cuddles before they get too big!

Hang in there OP, it’s so hard to see the end of the phase when you’re in it but it will pass quicker than you think! I also found that the creating a rod for your own back thing didn’t pan out like that for me. I worried endlessly about this and getting into bad habits but when I accepted the sleep situation for what it was and just did what worked on a night by night basis I was much happier and got more sleep!

For us this meant DH being “on duty” for four hours from 8ish while I slept in the spare room with ear plugs - he would give a bottle and then watch Netflix with dd asleep on his shoulder, walk around with her if she cried etc or put her in the sling. We’d switch at midnight and I’d co-sleep til 6 then hand her back over until 8am - later at weekends. That four hour chunk early in the night made everything more manageable.

I wonder if you could co-sleep with her head in the crook of your arm so she feels like she’s being held? Like everyone says, it will get easier!