Sleep deprivation is making me monstrous, how do I stop being so angry?

[Woeisme99]

Dc 2 is a wonderful baby, but still very young so obviously not sleeping through. There are no issues, nothing I can do but wait it out.

Trouble is I really don't cope with a lack of sleep, it's making me vile and miserable. I just go through the motions every day, no real joy from dc as I'm exhausted. I'm also really angry when dc2 wakes me at night, of course it's not his fault he doesn't sleep, but my immediate feeling is rage, and like I want to run away from him. I've had a constant cold / headache / coldsores for weeks from being permanently tired.

DH is great when he's home, but he works away a lot, so just isn't here.

I feel bad that I'm being a shit mother to dc1, I just can't be bothered to play etc and have a very short fuse. Obviously we go to soft play / groups etc, but I just want dc1 to crack on and leave me alone when we're there.

I know I'm doing a massive disservice to my children, so please don't flame me for being a shit. I really just want some advice on how to manage this rage, Its constantly bubbling away in me and I feel sad that I'm not enjoying motherhood at all.

Hello - this was me too!! I have a 7 month baby and the sleep deprivation turned me into a monster, I was so angry when got woken up (6 or 8 times a night!) I really resented my baby, I felt awful. I think What changed for me was to be able talk to other mums at baby group who were also shattered, share stories and to know that I wasn't alone. It's also good to be able to laugh at myself in the brief moments of sanity I have. I can't say I am enjoying maternity leave as much as I hoped as I am so tired but I try and make the most of it. She still wakes up every two friggin' hours at night but I am told it will get better (can't get any bloody worse!). We are in this together so hang on in there!

Do you have a local crèche the baby could go to in order for you to have a bit of a break? My 7 mo does 4 hrs a week and it’s a life saver!

Most of us have been there and got the t shirt and our babies have grown up to be happy children so dont worry too much on that score. Dont worry you are being awful because nothing grinds you down more than night after night after night of no sleep. I like puds11 suggestion of a creche or do you have a family who could step in every so often to allow you a night's sleep or an afternoon? Good luck you will get to the end of the tunnel one day and then it will be as if this never happened and you can join the rose tinted mum's society!

Thanks for your words of wisdom and kindness!
With dc1 I had pnd so just bumble through feeling flat, this rage is new and a bit scary if I'm honest!
DH is home tonight and I feel like a different person just knowing he's covering tonight and I can sleep, no one has ever been so glad to see their husband as I am today

You’re not alone!! I get the rage too. It’s so shit and I don’t have any tips but just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Glad your DH can step in. My DH gets woken frequently with me in a rage telling him he needs to take the baby now and like your DH he is very good. It’s so hard xxx

Same here! It's awful. I didnt talk to anyone about it for ages because I thought something was wrong with me. Glad your DH is supportive, my DP is amazing too. I have found breathing techniques to be so helpful.

Acceptance... once I'd accepted I wouldn't sleep much I felt much better about it all. No point getting angry when you're up in the night if you know it's likely.

How old is DC2?

It's so good to read these posts and realize we're not alone!!! I totally get it, mama! Sleep deprivation is a bitch and that anger you speak of is something I know all too well.. Tonight I got so angry after the 4 millionth night time wake up that I actually screamed at baby to stop crying.m, which obviously made her cry more...i immediately felt incredibly guilty and started kissing her and apologizing, which is making me feel like a complete psycho! This poor kid is going to think her mother is a total nutcase All I can think is 'this will not last forever... i hope!!'

@AnnieS2511 I’ve SO been there xxx

Found myself on this thread after another horrendous night with my little boy, who is 6 weeks old today.
I just don't know what to do anymore. He was waking up hourly from 10pm and by 2:30 I just broke down in tears and sobbed. My other half ended up taking him downstairs so i could get some sleep but that isn't ideal as he is a lorry driver!!

I feel like I am starting to resent my baby at night time. I feel incredibly guilty for having this feeling and I've had times where I've just wanted to leave the room and leave him crying. I love my baby so much it kills me that I just can't seem to be able to settle him at night. I've been looking forward to getting longer than 2hrs at a time between feeds and now we seem to be going backwards rather than forwards!

I feel horrible writing this down but need to get it off my chest as feel like if I tell anyone in real life about how I'm feeling I will be judged for feeling how I do... and that's not something I can handle right now! X

Can do relate. My 9 month old was going through a great phase and I thought we had finally cracked it after months of 2 hourly wake ups. The last few days it has taken me an hour of crying/whinging to get him to sleep at night and for wake ups. Felt the rage this eve and had to leave him in his cot for 5 minutes! Defo not alone.