19 month old prefers Dad

[PajamaLife]

Hi everyone,

I'm feeling really down in the dumps and just need a place to vent.

I have a 19 month old who has never been a good sleeper. The past few nights when I've tried putting him to bed, he's been kicking, screaming, hitting me in frustration, throwing his dummy across the room etc.

As soon as his dad comes in to investigate what on earth is going on, he's been holding his arms out for his dad to take him. As soon as his dad takes him for a cuddle he goes straight to sleep.

This has happened for 3 nights in a row now and it's making me feel like my son is rejecting me

Our typical bedtime routine (starting around 7.30pm) is bath, brush teeth, pjs on, darkened bedroom (we turn the light off and our side lamp on), book and a warm bottle of milk, then we cuddle to sleep and place him in his cot. Until the last few nights, this has worked for us. Then he wakes around 12 and one of us goes in to settle him back down then he usually stays asleep until around half 5. Sometimes he will settle back down in his cot after this but other times (depending on my own level of tired) I bring him into our bed and he will easily sleep until about 7. He's still having a nap in the day which is usually around 1hr 30mins - he usually drops off for this around half 11 - 12 in the afternoon but this can sometimes be a bit later if we are out / doing activities.

Is anyone else in the same position or able to sympathise with my situation? It's awful to have him 'fighting' with me - he even takes my glasses off my face and throws them across the room in temper (which I must admit was difficult not to laugh at the first time he did this!! but it's now just frustrating for everyone involved!)

Anyway thank you for reading!

It's sooo annoying! The other parents the favourite novelty when you're the one always around. Could other half take over bath and bed time routine so they get more time together? It'll soon change.

Thanks for the suggestion @goldenorbspider - my partner and I both work during the day though and so I still want to do bath and bed time to get my time with my son as well Will just keep telling myself that this is a phase... it will soon pass...

I get so jealous when he wants his dad over me! haha

7.30 sounds a bit late? Is he over tired?

If he wakes and one if us goes in to him, my little one without fail will exclaim ",oh but i want mummy' or visa versa. Sole destroying so i totally feel ya pain!

Sounds like you need to break the cycle. - could you mjx things up a bit. Swop story time for a cbeebies bedtime story on your phone? A special treat when mummy puts him to bed?

Play with him in his room during the day so mummy in his room is bit more fun than just to put him to bed?

This is really normal at this age OP. Hope it passes soon!

Try to look at it this way... he's not rejecting you...he's accepting his dad for getting off to sleep now. He's growing up and changing every day...it's not the terrible two's as people like to call it...nothing terrible about an innocent child at any age..it's our job to teach them how to handle themselves...that said, it
Seems like he's really frustrated and at this age LO can't tell you what is frustrating them so they lash out and throw tantrums....maybe time for his dad to do the nighttime routine...or they may need to establish their own routine since the old one isn't working out anyway.
First thing though is to grab his hands when he starts to hit you or throw something, look him in the eye, and with a stern voice tell him that people aren't for hitting, glasses aren't for throwing...you get the idea...keep doing it until he gets the point....LOs can land some pretty hard blows and I've even heard of parents getting a front tooth knocked out. If he needs to finish his fit, just put him on the floor and let him...you could go to the other side of the room and tidy something so he'll learn that he doesn't get attention by acting like this. Ideally though you can try this as soon as he starts up so that he can learn to calm himself before he is so out of control that he has a hard time calming down. Calming one's self is a learned behaviour and sounds as if he's ready to learn how...don't let the fact that he can't talk much fool you into believing he can't understand what you are telling him about how people are not for hitting! It's one of those 'parenting jobs' that we have to teach our LOs before they are BGO( big giant ones) to be able to get along in society....I have a friend who didn't do this and consequently her 33 year old BGO is still having tantrums when things don't go as he planned, albeit he doesn't fall to the floor kicking and screaming or hitting anymore...he just whines and argues about how he's not getting his way.....extremely annoying behaviour in an adult!
Hang in there! Use the new found moments to pamper yourself whilst dad is doing night time routine...you've earned them

@PajamaLife
Forgot a couple things...validate his feelings after he has calmed down. Such as, sounds like you were very angry with mummy because of......( insert reason) ..let's say because he doesn't want to go to bed...He'll probably nod or say yes, then you say something like ...yes, I can understand that, but it is time for bed, so you are going to bed now...depending on how strong-willed he is, he may agree or start off again...whatever you do...DO NOT give in...he will learn that he can push the boundaries and that you don't mean what you say...very unfair for us to do this to our DC ( I'm by no means an innocent lamb here, btw!..I'm just telling you how I wish someone had shared with me about
how to handle it) He's becoming his own little person now.
Squeeze him tight and enjoy every second you have with him...This too shall pass, as they say
And remember this...no child ever wants to act naughty...they try their best to please us, but we must teach them the boundaries and teach them to respect those boundaries so they will always know where they stand..and if they choose to act outside these boundaries, there are consequences for that choice. Enjoy your LO, OP