Just want to know it’ll end

[Meghaji]

hi everyone :)

My DS had a few health issues at the start and feeding problems which means we’ve created so many bad habits. He has a tongue tie, lip tie and high palate and also suffered from breast milk jaundice meaning I had to feed every hour all day long to increase the amount of milk he had and due to the mouth issues he could barely feed for a while and was basically always falling asleep whilst feeding as it was such hard work for him. Thankfully most of this is resolved and he’s much better at being able to breast feed however he just needs it to fall asleep.

We’ve tried many different types of sleep training as I refuse to CIO, but none seem to work he gets just gets hysterical. We’ve even tried getting him onto formula but he refuses a bottle. We’ve tried about 10 different brands and nothing works.

I’ve decided to try and ride it out but if anything things just seem to be getting worse. We ended up co sleeping from practically birth as we couldn’t put him down and was easier with the constant needing to feed. He wakes constantly from the minute I lay him down. Every 45 minutes all night long. To be honest I’m exhausted, I don’t want to moan because he’s only small for such a short time but I just want to know that eventually this will end? Has anyone else had this type of behaviour? Did you have to sleep train or did they eventually just grow out of it? If so what ages were they?

He’s currently 8 months old and has been an awful sleeper from birth really. He’s yet to ever sleep through the night :(

Please let me know there is light at the end of the tunnel without making my baby boy cry :)

My daughter was a terrible sleeper, when I went back to work she was waking between 9-12 times a night, this was at 8 months.

We actually tried CIO and it didn’t work. She is now nearly 4 but didn’t start regularly sleeping through the night until she was over the age of 3.

We kept trying things every few months e.g moving her out of our bed (we co-slept also) and eventually she became old enough that we could use reward charts etc.

So YES all babies do eventually sleep through but sadly you may be in for a long ride (I’m not sure I would have liked to have known it was going to go on for the best part of 3 years). Well worth getting additional support from GP/health visitor and perhaps trying leaving baby with someone else for a few hours as often as you can so you can sleep.

Fingers crossed things are better for you soon xx

DD2 was the worst sleeper ever. She very nearly broke me. I really despaired. However, she is 7 now and has slept through the night for a good few years. There was no magic technique. She just slowly got better. She was still waking up briefly most nights at age 4 but that stopped around age 5 I think. She still likes cuddles before bed and likes white noise to get to sleep but then she sleeps a solid 10.5 hours (7.30-6.00). Always was an early riser and still is!

Thank you both for your replies, so looks like we’re in it for the long haul lol! I was worried this would be the case and trying my absolute best to ride it out.. we’ve tried the HV and GP both haven’t been very helpful at all! The GP even told me to close the door and walk away and to let him cry himself to sleep.. there’s still an end in sight though .. just maybe a few years away!

Glad to hear you’re both getting sleep now :) xx

CIO if they're over six months old is fine, certainly from looking at any research papers I could find a lot of the data is babies less than 6mo.
When my dd was 10mo I resorted to this as I had gone back to work and just couldn't go in like it any more. I also breast feed and co sleep. Within a week bedtime only takes 20mins (stories, singing) and she's in her cot asleep before im out the room.
She still wakes 2-3 times per night but at least I get a break in the evening now!
Otherwise I don't believe she would have naturally started sleeping by herself -it just isn't a natural thing to do until they are much older
Good luck, at this age if you let them cry it out for a few days you are not IMO damaging them

Have you considered he might have reflux? X

Ds1 was a terrible sleeper. No magic cure just a consistent bedtime routine and he gradually got better by about 18 months. He still has some bad nights but it does get better.

My DD was exactly the same. Constant feeding, wouldn’t be put down and we were forced to co sleep from birth. She was waking every 45 minutes for months. We also tried sleep training methods (not CIO, but we had a go at pick up put down, gradual retreat and a single horrific night of controlled crying). All of them resulted in literally hours of tears with no sign of sleep at all. There is apparently a small percentage of babies who these methods don’t work for and it seems we got the stubborn ones!

I spent so many nights stressing about the bad habits we were creating and that she would never sleep properly. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to worry, it would all work out fine.

DD is almost 3. We all sleep fantastically now (I am awake at 4:45am for some unknown reason tonight, but nothing to do with DD ). She goes down between 7 and 8 no problem. DH and I get an evening together. (for the first year I’d manage about 45 mins max downstairs before she needed me again, after hours of getting her to settle and put her down successfully in her cot). At some point in the night she potters through and climbs in with us. She rarely disturbs us, cuddles in and is straight back off to sleep. It is not an issue.

I can’t tell you when it’ll get better. I genuinely don’t know when it did for us although I went back to work at 10 months and there were only a few times I was truly exhausted after a bad night so things must have been at least starting to improve by then.

I didn’t do anything special, other than giving up the sleep training attempts and chilling out about it all. I think there are some babies who respond well to sleep training and who probably aren’t affected by it. It was extremely traumatic for DD who just wanted to be close to me, and I feel if I’d persevered it really would have negatively affected her. She is a bright, confident and independent little girl and the co-sleeping, feeding and rocking to sleep have done her no harm.

The biggest improvement was when I stopped breastfeeding just before 2. This was very easy as she was able to understand that ‘mummies boobies have broken’ and I don’t regret not doing it earlier as we would have had a battle. Bedtime got quicker and easier when she dropped her day time nap a few months ago.

So yeah, it might not be imminent, but you will sleep again!

With my DD she has never been a good sleeper, Co-slept till 5 months and then I was constantly back and forth to her cot! It was exhausting so when she turned 1 we tried the CIO method but with me sitting in the room and slowly moving out, it worked for bedtime and self soothing but she still woke in the night for a bottle / dummy back in! She is now almost 4 and still rubbish at going to sleep / can still wake in the night, except now she can get out the bed and play with her toys 🥴

@Gettingonabitnow we have considered it and tried gaviscon but it didn’t help at all. I do just think he’s got into habit waking and sleep associations :(

@KTCluck thank you that was such a lovely reply, I pray that he follows the same way and things do begin to improve over time! I do agree I don’t think sleep training works for him. We have tried so many different approaches and it just nearly broke me seeing him like that. So either I’m too soft and give in to easily or he is too stubborn lol! I’m glad things improved for you over time though, I do think I need to try and relax about it but sleep deprivation is just the worst!

@Maltay we have tried PUPD, Controlled crying well and be just did not give in. We tried for 4 hours one night and it just resulted in him throwing up and not being able to calm him down. I don’t think there is anything wrong with CIO but I just don’t think I could do it to him again and fail.

@HJWT I’m so sorry things haven’t improved for you, it’s so tough! Not exactly the midnight playing party you want I’m sure. I like to think when they’re teenagers and want to sleep all day we can get our own back by dragging them out of bed :)

Thank you all for your replies, it’s lovely to know I’m not alone x

Hi lovely
We were where you were at 8 months. I was on my knees and an anxious wreck. We hired a sleep consultant and did gradual retreat. She was amazing and DS took to it really really well. It took about a month but he was sleeping through by the end. We have obviously had plenty of interrupted nights since as I wont just leave him but nothing to the extent we did - he doesnt wake up every hour anymore and most nights he will go straight through.

I should say he is now 17 months so thats why we have had plenty of interrupted nights between!