Help 12 week old and nearly 3yr old

[BlodwynBludd]

Since my ds2 was born 12 weeks ago my dh has done bedtime with my nearly 3yr old ds1 on his own. My ds1 has stopped sleeping. I'm so angry with dh. He suffers with anxiety and somehow it's rubbed off on ds1 and everything is too scary. He wakes up in the night and dh insists on going in to him. Instead of just giving him a cuddle and putting him back to bed he makes a huge song and dance about daddy is here to protect you and you're safe now daddy's here. It's fucking ridiculous and has now made my ds1 anxious that he needs protecting.

I'm so angry and tired. Dh is out at work from 6 am to 630 pm. He walks through the door has made his bedtime routine two hours long and as soon as ds1 wakes up in the night he sleeps in his room with him. I am stuck with a cluster feeding newborn and all I want is my my dh to move out so I can spend a week fixing his fuck up. He however loves that he's needed and is feeding off the drama. It's like a competition about who gets the least sleep. Any tips on persuading or coaching my dh to be a better parent?

He sounds like a good parent to me. It's perfectly age appropriate for your 3 year old to be afraid at night PLUS add in the fact there's a new sibling it's natural he wants more attention.

Totally disagree with pp. There is nothing to be scared of at night and it’s up to your dh to model that clearly and kindly. I would be furious too.

If the fear was coming from ds I would be tired but understand. I would also expect dh to comfort appropriately ie there's nothing to be afraid of go back to bed. But he's feeding the anxiety bu saying daddy will protect you. This means ds thinks he needs protecting and has to have daddy with him. When I talk to sh about it he's really defensive

Marriage counselling! You have a LOT of resentment here and im not sure we can help as we've got no idea about your situation- go see a professional for some proper mediation.